Advice

So I have been with my significant other for 7 years. In the beginning, he expressed wanting marriage and kids. (At age 16) Fast forward 7 years, he gets mad when I bring up marriage because I’m tired of waiting, I want to know if he’s committed to me or if I’m wasting my time and he always says it doesn’t change anything, it’s only a piece of paper and the topic of kids?! Forget about it! He insists he doesn’t want kids and if he did, not until 35. We’ve gone through so much together but the thought of future with me Apparently doesn’t cross his mind? I don’t know what to do..

one day he loves me

the next day he hates me. (Has never hit me but has thrown things and very mentally abusive)

I think he’s bipolar..

I need advice

You have been together since a very young age and are still VERY young. Because you were with someone from your teenage years doesn’t mean that you spend forever with this person and 99.9% of the time you don’t. NEVER NEVER NEVER stay when there is abuse.

Please leave him and go no contact. Abuse escalates, so don't tell yourself it's, "just," mental abuse, it can and probably will, get worse if you stay. You deserve someone who loves you and would never be abusive in any form.

one day he loves me

the next day he hates me. (Has never hit me but has thrown things and very mentally abusive)

^ This is your cue to leave.

I know you have been together a long time and no doubt it would hurt to move on, but don't let the length of time you've been together dictate your future. It seems the relationship has passed it's use by date. It's worn out. You two have grown and matured and are now on different paths. Nothing wrong with that, but it IS a sign that it's time to rethink the relationship.

Key words here are: mentally abusive and throwing things. This will NOT go away. It will get worse. Is this what you want your future to look like? Whatever you do, do NOT have kids with this guy until he sorts out these abusive issues.

I agree, your relationship has run it's course. You got together at such a young age and missed out on the dating world teens want and need to experience. He appears to have several issues and throwing things at you is indeed abuse. Time to move on. Yes it'll be hard but you need to do it as it's not going to get better, it'll get worse.

You need to get out of this relationship.

It expired a long time ago, and he doesn't want what you want anymore. He was a kid at 16, and should not have been taken overly seriously when fantasizing about the future. He was way too young to predict what he'd want as an adult, and you're seeing he doesn't want marriage or children.

He also abuses you. It's long past time that you ended this.

He is not sincerely serious nor committed to you now nor never. Tell yourself that you'll never be naive again. Stop wasting your time, energy, labor and resources on a man who has no intentions on sharing the type of future you envision whatsoever. It's out of the question and there is no room for doubt. He has since made his convictions and definitely doesn't have marriage nor family in mind. If you wish to risk and gamble waiting until he's 35, then wait without any promises nor guarantees for you. It wouldn't surprise me in the least should you wait that long that he'd turn around and tell you he had since changed his mind regarding marriage and children! By that time, you would've wasted your entire youth on him. Don't live a life of regret.

He throws things and he's very mentally abusive? You should've left him yesterday or years ago!

Dissolve and exit the relationship. You certainly deserve better. I hope you'll be with a man who treats you with utmost respect, love, consideration, selflessness, gentleness, tenderness and kindness. I hope you'll be with a man who will marry you honorably and I hope both of you have a beautiful, blissfully happy family life together. You should be with a man who shares your same values, hopes and dreams. Any other man isn't worth it.

Bail while you can! Run for the hills and never look back. You deserve the best and it's NOT with your insignificant other.

he gets mad when I bring up marriage

He insists he doesn’t want kids and if he did, not until 35.

the thought of future with me Apparently doesn’t cross his mind

has thrown things and very mentally abusive

Reread what you wrote above. Does this sound like a person who is commited to you?

Imo, your relationship has run its course and the way it has evolved, it cannot lead to a healthy marriage. People change. He is not the person he was at 16. The people that you are at 24 want different things and that has made you incompatible. You need to listen to what he has told you and believe him.

In addition, stay away from mentally abusive men. Your goal should be to have a HEALTHY relationship, not just any kind of relationship. Children are a HUGE responsibility. Make sure that you select a decent human being to have children with and NOT just anybody. "Mentally abusive" should be a deal - breaker when it comes to relationships, your future husband and father of your children.

Move out. End it. There's no reason to stay with an abuser. Marrying one is a huge mistake. Having children with one is a nightmare for the unfortunate innocent lives you would bring into this.

Welcome to ENA

So you both want different things, he is verbally and mentally abusive and he has massive mood swings.

Do you think you will convince him to marry you and have children and then do you think you can teach him how not to be abusive?

He has issues that he needs to work out and you need to break up with him, STAY SINGLE FOR A WHILE to discover who you are as an individual and then start dating again.

He will tell he will change and that all of a sudden he wants what you want but his actions tell a different story. I know it will be hard but it is time to move on from this teenage romance.

Lost

TBH I'm not sure if he has mental illness, but maybe has conflict with is feelings. You both haven't been apart for 7 years, never experienced teenage dating or adult dating, or living on your own, no independence. Maybe you two need to take a break so you can breath and discover your independence/ individuality.

I have a tip: when they talk of marriage and kids, that's the infatuation talking and should never be taken as promises.

In the moment he felt that way, but as the brain develops from teenager to adult, your perspective changes, and so does your wants and needs.

I say put the getting married and having kids on the back burner and get a career, travel, experience life. marriage and kids is no bliss/picnic. It's a hard haul especially when being so young.

It's time to make other arrangements. Don't be afraid to strike out and create your own happiness.

Marriage isn't for everyone so leave it right there. He may not be cut out for it at all or he's just not the right man for you. The silver lining? There are others and you'll realize that there are not only others but there will be others more closely similar and compatible to you who will love you exactly the way that you are, hope in you the way you hope in them and understand you.

This is just a chip off a very, very large pie. There's more. It's upsetting now because you're with your boyfriend for the last seven years but it also doesn't mean that you have to be with him the rest of your life.

Good luck.

At 16 he was probably still thinking with the optimism of youth. You think your love will outlast anything and that everything will work out perfectly. Marriage and children will be no problem. But the seven years since has brought him to adulthood and the stresses and pressures it brings. He's changed. It may be hard to face, but you've grown apart. Your goals and wants in life are not the same. He's not going to change his mind for you. And if he has reached the point of throwing things and being mentally abusive, then he's crossed a line. It's not safe for you to be there. Please, don't take the risk of trying to hold onto the person he once was. Love yourself enough to walk away and protect yourself.