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Thread: Advice

  1. #1

    Advice

    So I have been with my significant other for 7 years. In the beginning, he expressed wanting marriage and kids. (At age 16) Fast forward 7 years, he gets mad when I bring up marriage because Iím tired of waiting, I want to know if heís committed to me or if Iím wasting my time and he always says it doesnít change anything, itís only a piece of paper and the topic of kids?! Forget about it! He insists he doesnít want kids and if he did, not until 35. Weíve gone through so much together but the thought of future with me Apparently doesnít cross his mind? I donít know what to do..
    one day he loves me
    the next day he hates me. (Has never hit me but has thrown things and very mentally abusive)
    I think heís bipolar..
    I need advice

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    You have been together since a very young age and are still VERY young. Because you were with someone from your teenage years doesnít mean that you spend forever with this person and 99.9% of the time you donít. NEVER NEVER NEVER stay when there is abuse.

  3. #3
    Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
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    Please leave him and go no contact. Abuse escalates, so don't tell yourself it's, "just," mental abuse, it can and probably will, get worse if you stay. You deserve someone who loves you and would never be abusive in any form.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Beccalou32
    one day he loves me
    the next day he hates me. (Has never hit me but has thrown things and very mentally abusive)
    ^ This is your cue to leave.

    I know you have been together a long time and no doubt it would hurt to move on, but don't let the length of time you've been together dictate your future. It seems the relationship has passed it's use by date. It's worn out. You two have grown and matured and are now on different paths. Nothing wrong with that, but it IS a sign that it's time to rethink the relationship.

    Key words here are: mentally abusive and throwing things. This will NOT go away. It will get worse. Is this what you want your future to look like? Whatever you do, do NOT have kids with this guy until he sorts out these abusive issues.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I agree, your relationship has run it's course. You got together at such a young age and missed out on the dating world teens want and need to experience. He appears to have several issues and throwing things at you is indeed abuse. Time to move on. Yes it'll be hard but you need to do it as it's not going to get better, it'll get worse.

  7. #6
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    You need to get out of this relationship.

    It expired a long time ago, and he doesn't want what you want anymore. He was a kid at 16, and should not have been taken overly seriously when fantasizing about the future. He was way too young to predict what he'd want as an adult, and you're seeing he doesn't want marriage or children.

    He also abuses you. It's long past time that you ended this.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    He is not sincerely serious nor committed to you now nor never. Tell yourself that you'll never be naive again. Stop wasting your time, energy, labor and resources on a man who has no intentions on sharing the type of future you envision whatsoever. It's out of the question and there is no room for doubt. He has since made his convictions and definitely doesn't have marriage nor family in mind. If you wish to risk and gamble waiting until he's 35, then wait without any promises nor guarantees for you. It wouldn't surprise me in the least should you wait that long that he'd turn around and tell you he had since changed his mind regarding marriage and children! By that time, you would've wasted your entire youth on him. Don't live a life of regret.

    He throws things and he's very mentally abusive? You should've left him yesterday or years ago!

    Dissolve and exit the relationship. You certainly deserve better. I hope you'll be with a man who treats you with utmost respect, love, consideration, selflessness, gentleness, tenderness and kindness. I hope you'll be with a man who will marry you honorably and I hope both of you have a beautiful, blissfully happy family life together. You should be with a man who shares your same values, hopes and dreams. Any other man isn't worth it.

    Bail while you can! Run for the hills and never look back. You deserve the best and it's NOT with your insignificant other.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Beccalou32
    he gets mad when I bring up marriage
    He insists he doesnít want kids and if he did, not until 35.
    the thought of future with me Apparently doesnít cross his mind
    has thrown things and very mentally abusive
    Reread what you wrote above. Does this sound like a person who is commited to you?
    Imo, your relationship has run its course and the way it has evolved, it cannot lead to a healthy marriage. People change. He is not the person he was at 16. The people that you are at 24 want different things and that has made you incompatible. You need to listen to what he has told you and believe him.

    In addition, stay away from mentally abusive men. Your goal should be to have a HEALTHY relationship, not just any kind of relationship. Children are a HUGE responsibility. Make sure that you select a decent human being to have children with and NOT just anybody. "Mentally abusive" should be a deal - breaker when it comes to relationships, your future husband and father of your children.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Move out. End it. There's no reason to stay with an abuser. Marrying one is a huge mistake. Having children with one is a nightmare for the unfortunate innocent lives you would bring into this.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Welcome to ENA

    So you both want different things, he is verbally and mentally abusive and he has massive mood swings.

    Do you think you will convince him to marry you and have children and then do you think you can teach him how not to be abusive?

    He has issues that he needs to work out and you need to break up with him, STAY SINGLE FOR A WHILE to discover who you are as an individual and then start dating again.

    He will tell he will change and that all of a sudden he wants what you want but his actions tell a different story. I know it will be hard but it is time to move on from this teenage romance.

    Lost

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