Jump to content

Was dating the most wonderful woman and then...


Nebraskagirl14

Recommended Posts

Hi, all-

 

I met and was dating the most wonderful woman. We were totally in alignment, into each other, fully honest and loving, kind, passionate, romantic. And then she told her ex/friend about me and the friend lost it. Came to her house with flowers, crying, I want another chance with you. She told me without hesitation that she didn’t want that other person, they weren’t right together because I asked how they were able to go from dating to being friends and she said because they were not at all right for each other. The one I was dating went to her ex’s house yesterday to tell her she could only be her friend but the woman kept messaging and crying and she told me she clearly wanted to be with me. Then today, I get a text saying she is confused and then a phone call saying she is going back to the ex. To say I’m confused and heartbroken is an understatement. We had just slept together for the first time two days ago and things had been magical. Then today, done. I have never been through something like this before where we were so seemingly right for each other and she took off for someone she said isn’t her person just yesterday.... I’m just... sad!!!

Link to comment
  • Replies 57
  • Created
  • Last Reply

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It really is a kick in the pants. :(

 

Had either of you spoke about how long you had been single before you met? Were her and the ex broken up long? Typically, it's never a good idea to get involved with someone who has had a recent break up. Sometimes even a few months down the road to, they aren't over the ex.

It still doesn't help now that you've been treated this way.

 

I'm sorry you had to get caught up in their unfinished business. It's not fair.

Link to comment

Thank you for your reply :-) I had been single for a couple of years. She had been single for 4 months, but they were friends because she didn’t have those feelings for her. She just told me yesterday that she doesn’t have those feelings for her... this one came back in a panic and promised if they got back together, she would be different...

Link to comment

Hmmm, well I will tell you what, if she didn't have feelings for her, she would have ignored the messaged, blocked and kept on dating you.

She definitely has feelings.

 

If someone tells you they've only been broken up less than 6 months, I would take that as a red flag. Mainly because a lot of times they still have unresolved issues with the ex.

Not always, obviously, but many times things aren't actually over.

 

It's a shame she wasn't honest with you and herself before she started dating again.

Link to comment
Yes, perhaps. She was clear that they weren’t right for each other though. She said she cares about her very much, but that she never fulfilled her and they had nothing in common.

 

Well then, there's a few possibilities of why she is going back to her. Maybe she feels guilty, maybe she feels sorry for this girl, or maybe she does still harbor feelings for her.

 

But I think the bottom line is, this girl still has pull over her in some way and the one you were dating, has issues either in herself or with this girl.

But it is a complicated situation and if you were to remain in her life at all, you stand a good chance of being hurt again.

 

She walked away from you and back to this girl. Don't let someone treat you that way, ever. Their confusion is not an excuse to hurt you or cause you pain.

Link to comment
Thank you... I actually feel though that she was over her. They were both single and could have gotten back together. This one had no desire from her perspective because they just didn’t work.

But if she ran back to her obviously there’s something that drew her back. So she was still attached to her in someway. Either way it’s awful what happened to you.

Link to comment

Beware of people who are friends with an ex like that. The reason for staying friends "because we didn't work out" means the other person may still hold a candle. If someone says "we dated briefly, but we felt more like siblings than a romantic interest so we decided on friendship. We are still in the same model raildroad club" is different.

Link to comment
But if she ran back to her obviously there’s something that drew her back. So she was still attached to her in someway. Either way it’s awful what happened to you.

 

Thank you. It really does suck. She said to me that she has never felt this way about anyone. That she has finally found what she has been searching for her entire life in me... that is why this is so confusing...

Link to comment
Beware of people who are friends with an ex like that. The reason for staying friends "because we didn't work out" means the other person may still hold a candle. If someone says "we dated briefly, but we felt more like siblings than a romantic interest so we decided on friendship. We are still in the same model raildroad club" is different.

 

I agree but she is friends with all of her exes for the most part. She did say she doesn’t have those feelings toward her several times and I actually believe her. I think the other one was never vulnerable and so when she turned up emotionally distraught, this one was like, oh, maybe she is able to emote... maybe I didn’t give her enough of a chance.

Link to comment
I agree but she is friends with all of her exes for the most part. She did say she doesn’t have those feelings toward her several times and I actually believe her. I think the other one was never vulnerable and so when she turned up emotionally distraught, this one was like, oh, maybe she is able to emote... maybe I didn’t give her enough of a chance.

 

This right here is a red flag. I don't care what anyone says about staying friends with ex's it ALWAYS causes some sort of problem sooner or later.

 

Don't be one of the ex's that is her friend or you will end up like the rest of them hanging around hoping she will change her mind one day.

 

This other woman probably made some sort of scene and promised the world to get her back so if she was so easily swayed then she wasn't right for you in the first place because it sounds like you want a committed long term loving relationship while she just racks up a longer list of ex's.

 

I know it hurts and is such a let down after seemingly finding the one person you connect with and have all those wonderful feelings and it suddenly just ends out of the blue. This has nothing to do about you, this is all on her.

 

In the near future her relationship with this other woman will blow up like it did before and she will more than likely contact you. She is also going to want to be "friends" so what will you do?

 

Lost

Link to comment
This right here is a red flag. I don't care what anyone says about staying friends with ex's it ALWAYS causes some sort of problem sooner or later.

 

Don't be one of the ex's that is her friend or you will end up like the rest of them hanging around hoping she will change her mind one day.

 

This other woman probably made some sort of scene and promised the world to get her back so if she was so easily swayed then she wasn't right for you in the first place because it sounds like you want a committed long term loving relationship while she just racks up a longer list of ex's.

 

I know it hurts and is such a let down after seemingly finding the one person you connect with and have all those wonderful feelings and it suddenly just ends out of the blue. This has nothing to do about you, this is all on her.

 

In the near future her relationship with this other woman will blow up like it did before and she will more than likely contact you. She is also going to want to be "friends" so what will you do?

 

Lost

 

Thank you, Lost-

 

That is exactly what happened actually with her ex. For days and days there were flowers and crying and texts all day long. I saw it being the end of us before it even was. I can’t be her friend because I am too hurt. If she contacts me if and when that relationship doesn’t work out, I will probably talk to her but I don’t want to be someone’s second choice.

Link to comment
I'm sorry this happened, it really sucks. It's cruel to mess around with someone's feelings like she has with you. She's a little player! The only thing to do in a situation like this is forget the person completely. She's not the wonderful woman you thought she was, reality is she blows.

 

Yes, I too am sorry and I agree. I stayed friends with my ex when my husband and I started dating (and he was an ex from long ago!) but we both had absolutely appropriate boundaries and when my ex met someone a year or so later I faded out on purpose -not meanly -but I stepped aside so there would not even be a hint of a bad impression. Ironically, after they married, she reached out to me wanting to meet me (I'd never met her or spoken to her -she contacted me through my ex's e-mail). It can be complicated but I think it's fine to date someone who recently broke up. It depends on the individual circumstances. I think she was very vulnerable to being wooed back and I bet you anything you hear from her within a month about the huge mistake she made. Hope you tell her it's too late.

Link to comment
I'm sorry this happened, it really sucks. It's cruel to mess around with someone's feelings like she has with you. She's a little player! The only thing to do in a situation like this is forget the person completely. She's not the wonderful woman you thought she was, reality is she blows.

 

Thank you very much, Itsallgrand-

 

The odd thing is, she was married for 10 years and has only dated two people since then. So, she seemed anything but a player but it was weird because she was so clear about her feelings for me and even after this one came back begging, she told me she was still clear.. and then the next day, I got a text saying she needed to take a few months to herself but that ended up being because she felt like she needed to give this other woman another chance.

Link to comment
Yes, I too am sorry and I agree. I stayed friends with my ex when my husband and I started dating (and he was an ex from long ago!) but we both had absolutely appropriate boundaries and when my ex met someone a year or so later I faded out on purpose -not meanly -but I stepped aside so there would not even be a hint of a bad impression. Ironically, after they married, she reached out to me wanting to meet me (I'd never met her or spoken to her -she contacted me through my ex's e-mail). It can be complicated but I think it's fine to date someone who recently broke up. It depends on the individual circumstances. I think she was very vulnerable to being wooed back and I bet you anything you hear from her within a month about the huge mistake she made. Hope you tell her it's too late.

 

Thanks, Batya-

 

Always great to hear from you. Well, she is a kind person and when this person came back crying with flowers and saying all the right things, I think she felt like she needed to hear her out and give her another chance but the weird part is, how could she feel so much about me which I do believe she did/does, and let this woman back in so easily? I have no clue. I feel like I have been hit with a bat. She is so afraid of being blind-sided and typically has been quite badly and I reassured her that I would never do that to her. Turns out, she did that to me.

Link to comment

You keep saying that you believe, yet her actions prove you completely wrong....... Stop focusing on words and look at what she is doing. What she is doing isn't very nice or honest for that matter and completely contradicts everything she says and claims.

 

Also, what Lost said - anyone who is dragging a trainload of ex's turned "friends" behind them is a person to be beware of and stay away from. It's a huge red flag or rather a flashing red sign that says "stop, turn around, do not proceed and join that train."

Link to comment
You keep saying that you believe, yet her actions prove you completely wrong....... Stop focusing on words and look at what she is doing. What she is doing isn't very nice or honest for that matter and completely contradicts everything she says and claims.

 

Also, what Lost said - anyone who is dragging a trainload of ex's turned "friends" behind them is a person to be beware of and stay away from. It's a huge red flag or rather a flashing red sign that says "stop, turn around, do not proceed and join that train."

 

I think she and I were on the same page until this person came back crying with flowers, professing love and making promises of it being different this time. The thing I can’t understand is, why was it that easy to derail something that had been so amazing? I guess those questions are moot at this point.

Link to comment
I think she and I were on the same page until this person came back crying with flowers, professing love and making promises of it being different this time. The thing I can’t understand is, why was it that easy to derail something that had been so amazing? I guess those questions are moot at this point.

 

Because people move towards pleasure and away from pain. Perhaps it gives her more pleasure/excitement to be in a drama-filled situation -it's easier because she can just ride on the highs knowing she doesn't really have to commit to someone who is unavailable. She felt amazing about you but felt more amazed by her ex pursuing her. You may have been on the same page but if someone can swoop in like that and turn her head then she wasn't committed to staying the course with you and seeing what more developed. People face temptation in many forms and many of those people are married or committed. When they choose to stay married or committed they choose not to react to temptation if indeed they are tempted. I'm sorry things didn't work out!!

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...