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Thread: Ex says he's suing me for Defamation of Character.

  1. #1
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Ex says he's suing me for Defamation of Character.

    I ended this relationship a year ago. I've moved on with my life. I blocked him everywhere and did whatever I could to limit any access he had to me. But, unfortunately we (kind of) work together. I say kind of because we are both vendors who work the festival circuit. So no we don't work for the same company, but we both work at a lot of the same events. We are both business owners. Our businesses are not in any way affiliated with each other. And we are not in direct competition with each other either. I'm a mixed media artist. What he sells is something completely different. (Keeping it to myself for privacy reasons.)

    I found out last week through a pretty reliable source that he is planning to sue me for defamation of character. This actually has me worried. I am finally at a place in my life where things are going really well. Of course this would happen now.

    He is not well-liked by other vendors. So after I ended things with him a lot of people came out of the woodwork to tell me how glad they are that I'm done with him. So I admit there were a lot of conversations with other vendors about what a jerk he is. But all of these people already knew what a jerk he was before. They all came to me. THere was a lot of "Remember what a fit her threw last year at *name of festival* when they made him move his tent?" etc. I never told any customers to not buy from him or anything like that. There is actually a whole group of vendors here in my area who are friends outside of the scene. And they all have a really durrogatory nickname for him. The point I'm making here is he had a bad reputation before I broke up with him. And most of these conversations with other vendors took place via text or some other written media, so there is evidence of all of it. I think this is a good thing since I can prove exactly what I said and I can also prove that I didn't initiate these conversations. I mean really... who hasn't talked crap about an ex at some point in their life? But talking crap about an ex isn't the same as defamation.

    I could be wrong but it is my understanding that defamation of character has to have negatively impacted a person's job/income or it isn't classified as that. I don't know though, I could be wrong. Feel free to correct me.


    Another thing that concerns me, he comes from a pretty wealthy family. He has a trust fund. He lives with his absolutely loaded mother. His mom bought him his car. He doesn't have bills to pay, etc. He can afford a way better lawyer than I can. I come from a working class family and I've worked hard for everything I have. I own my home. I built my business up from nothing. Hopefully the judge would see this and think of him as some spoiled brat trying to ruin a hard working person's life and have some sympathy for me.


    Also, woudn't it be hard for him to prove that any drop he's had in sales is because of me and anything I said and not because of the pandemic? Both of our businesses depend on large gatherings of people. This year everyone who works at festivals is suffering, not just him.




    Do you guys think I have anything to worry about? Do you think he even has a case? There are a lot of people who already didn't like him. And what other vendors think of him has nothing to do with what customers think of him. If he does have a case how should I proceed from here?

    And I'm sure this will come up at some point... if anyone is wondering why I dated someone with such a bad repuation, simple answer is I didn't know. I was single and new to the whole scene when I met him. I think it was a case of him pouncing on new blood before anyone could warn me about him. And he is really charming. He has multiple college degrees. He is good looking. It's not like I knew what kind of person her really was. And when he really started showing his true colors I ended it.

    PS, I don't know why but my spellcheck does not work at all on this forum. So if there are any mistakes that I didn't catch, sorry.

    Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Not much you can do unless papers are served. In the mean time do not talk about him to ANYONE. Do not mention his name, do not discuss this with any mutual acquaintances. It doesn't matter if the whole world can't stand him, it's irrelevant.

    What is relevant is that you stop mentioning his name to anyone including on social media, etc. Make sure you delete any and all posts that may directly or indirectly mention him. Delete and block him and ALL his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.
    Originally Posted by Cynder
    I found out last week through a pretty reliable source that he is planning to sue me for defamation of character.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    How would anyone reliably know something like that unless they are close to your ex and therefore no friend of yours?

    There is really nothing you can do unless he actually tries this. Overall, these kinds of things are rarely pursued because it's very difficult to prove and truth is a defense. Basically, it's not defamation if it's true.

  4. #4
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    He is blowing smoke.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Cynder,

    This guy has probably heard you are doing well without him and now in love with a wonderful person so he is trying to push your buttons and stress you out.

    Did he ever send a letter telling you to cease and desist? NO he didn't. This is all he said she said crap that even if he filed would be frivolous.

    Don't worry about something that hasn't even happened or you let him win without doing a thing other than start a rumor.

    As I recall he is the one that went around and got several contracts of your cancelled right? You could counter sue if you chose to.

    This is all nothing until you get served papers so go about your life and ignore him. There is nothing to do anyways until you are served.

    If he wants to sue you he will but it doesn't mean he will win.

    Lost

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    TRUTH is a legitimate defense for a defamation suit.

    If you have evidence to support what you may have said, give it to your lawyer.

    If he is an idiot, he will pursue the suit--airing his character before he loses.

    Then you sue for court costs.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Not much you can do unless papers are served. In the mean time do not talk about him to ANYONE. Do not mention his name, do not discuss this with any mutual acquaintances. It doesn't matter if the whole world can't stand him, it's irrelevant.

    What is relevant is that you stop mentioning his name to anyone including on social media, etc. Make sure you delete any and all posts that may directly or indirectly mention him. Delete and block him and ALL his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

    I guess another thing working in my favor here if it does go to court is that I have always been big on keeping my dirty laundry off social media. Even when I ended it, I hid my relationship status so no one would see that it went from in a relationship to single. I use Facebook mainly to promote my business and keep in touch with people who live far away. I'm not someone who posts my whole life on there. So I've got that covered, lol

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    How would anyone reliably know something like that unless they are close to your ex and therefore no friend of yours?

    There is really nothing you can do unless he actually tries this. Overall, these kinds of things are rarely pursued because it's very difficult to prove and truth is a defense. Basically, it's not defamation if it's true.
    My ex is active in the local Pagan/Occult community also. My area hosts one of the largest Pagan Pride festivals in the country, and there is a Pagan group around here that is really influential with that Festival. That group also has a private Facebook group. A lot of the vendors and performers at the Pride festival are in the Facebook group. And I am friends with the lady in charge of it all. Well, because of some shady behavior my ex was engaging in in the Facebook group, he was banned. I knew nothing about any of this because I don't keep tabs on him and I have him blocked everywhere. Well, this past Saturday I was actually at this lady's shop that she owns (This is the lady in charge of the Facebook group, etc) And she told me that my ex is pissed off that he's banned from the group so he messaged her and said that if she banned him because of anything I've been saying about him it's all lies. And then he went on to talk about this lawsuit that's in the works, etc. I guess she told him he has no case because everyone hated him before I even was in the picture, etc. And she also told him "She didn't get you banned from anything. You got yourself banned."

    So, that's how I found out. I consider her a reliable source. I'm a vendor at the Pride Festival and so we are friends but she's also a business associate.

    Yes, I never said anything that isn't true. And a lot of the things talked about with other vendors were things that other people witnessed. There were a lot of other vendors who heard him repeatedly verbally abusing his staff and verbally abusing me at events on a regular basis. People have seen him throw his little tantrums at events, etc. He's actually gotten himself kicked out of a few shows and banned. And some of the show organizers who banned him made it a point to contact me just to tell me I'm not banned. Like, "Yea we don't want him here but you can still come and sell, etc." So yea, truth is my defense. I'm not a liar. And I still think proving that any drop in sales was strictly my fault and nothing to do with the pandemic would be really hard for him or even a lawyer to do.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    He is blowing smoke.
    This gave me a really funny visual in my head lol. I actually have no sense of smell from birth so I never noticed but after I broke up with him one of my friends told me he smells like patchouli and farts. Idk... i read blowing smoke and that's the first hing I thought of and then got this picture in my head of a big cloud of smoke coming out his ass when he bends over. Idk, my mind is weird.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lostandhurt
    Cynder,

    This guy has probably heard you are doing well without him and now in love with a wonderful person so he is trying to push your buttons and stress you out.

    Did he ever send a letter telling you to cease and desist? NO he didn't. This is all he said she said crap that even if he filed would be frivolous.

    Don't worry about something that hasn't even happened or you let him win without doing a thing other than start a rumor.

    As I recall he is the one that went around and got several contracts of your cancelled right? You could counter sue if you chose to.

    This is all nothing until you get served papers so go about your life and ignore him. There is nothing to do anyways until you are served.

    If he wants to sue you he will but it doesn't mean he will win.

    Lost

    My thoughts exactly. He knows I'm with someone new (who I kinda met through him oddly enough) and he wants to just throw a wrench in everything. For anyone reading this there wasn't anything scandalous about my new relationship. I met my current SO when she was dating a friend of my ex. But my ex and the friend she was dating were both out of the picture before we started really talking. We were just acquaintances up until that point.

    No, he never sent me a letter asking me to stop.

    And yes, he got my biggest contract terminated and he tried to get me booted from a show that I make thousands of dollars at every year. Luckily I was able to smooth that over with the organizer and get back in.

    Yea, he will do what he wants. He's a spoiled brat who has never been told no in his life. Karma doesn't care how rich a person is, though.

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