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Thread: LDR possible breakup looming

  1. #21
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    @misscannuck
    I think it's about 7 times in total. Sometimes staying a month long other times a couple of weeks.

    @wiseman2
    Thanks, I guess space is a kind if answer but when he says he just wants space but no breakup It is a bit confusing.
    I am gonna give him all the space in the world now.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Excellent. A tacit breakup is confusing, but sometimes it's not wanting to hurt you, sometimes it's to avoid confrontation or avoid looking like the bad guy.
    Originally Posted by Limiya
    when he says he just wants space but no breakup It is a bit confusing.
    I am gonna give him all the space in the world now.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I also think you handled it very well but I'd be cautious how you interpret his need for space. He moved out.

    The situation has changed completely for the both of you. What you should do going forward is start establishing what you need out of a relationship. At the moment you're in shock and just surviving on what his needs are.

    As the dust clears and you regain your strength and confidence, you have to keep asking yourself what your needs are in tandem. Don't forget about your own needs, your desires, your dreams or your goals in life. It's a balancing act in every relationship but even more important now than ever as soon as you realize that the situation has changed completely.

    Always remember that you sail your own ship. Don't drift around too long.

  4. #24
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    He just text me before bed.
    'Good night. I hope you're ok!'
    And then 'you can call me of you like!'

    Ummm... no thanks. It's taken me a whole day of tears and talking with friends to get myself relatively calm enough to try and sleep a bit.
    The last thing I want is an awkward pointless conversation cause he's feeling sorry for me and i will get upset all over again.

    I don't want to respond right now. I can't.
    He wanted space anyway... so...he should enjoy it.

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  6. #25
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    He's talking out both sides of his mouth here.

    He wants space, but you're already quite long-distance with ample time spent apart.

    He wants space, but is inviting you to call.

    Not good. I would take my time replying to him, and remind him of what he requested.

  7. #26
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    Exactly @MissCannuck
    I mean, its contradicting. Although so far I have heard absolutely nothing from him.
    I havent wanted to contact him yet because I'm too emotional to speak rationally.

    Now I'm starting to suspect there may be another woman in the picture. Perhaps someone at this new job.
    At least that's a possibility. I have no proof at all and I had no suspicion previously. I did ask him when this trouble started and he of course said no.
    But the other reasons don't make sense to me.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    That you're doubting him shows that you don't trust him and that's a natural and healthy response to an event that has completely destabilized you. I'd think it's more worrying if you continue to beg for his attention or call him at any invitation. It's natural to doubt someone. Just don't let it consume you or bring you down.

  9. #28
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    Hi Limiya

    I remember your posts from many years ago.

    Not sure what further to add but hope you are ok and this sounds very difficult set of circumstances.

  10. #29
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    Thanks both.
    I've been as strong as I possibly can. I have given him space and not contacted him 1st.
    I finally decided to block him on WhatsApp this morning. Mainly to feel a little more in control and so I won't be obsessing over if he text me or not and to try n give myself some relief.

    Of course 3 hours later he contacts me on messenger wanting to see if he can call me and asking me if I blocked him on WhatsApp.
    I told him I did, and asked what he wanted.
    He said he just wanted to talk to me.
    I told him I'm working (normally I would always answer regardless of work).
    He said he'll call me after I finished.

    So of course I stress all day. I don't let him know when ive finished, and he calls me anyway when I'm eating.
    I asked again what he wants. Straight to the point.
    He says nothing he just wants to say hi to me. He makes small talk, and I told him I didn't want a conversation while he's working.
    So he says he'll call me in the morning instead.
    I hesitated but said ok.

    So this guy wants space but calls me?
    I don't wanna be walked over, so not sure if I'm handling the interaction alright or not.
    But I don't wanna blow it all up either.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'd be honest and tell him that your last conversation didn't make you feel good and it's caused you to doubt his intentions or the relationship. It doesn't have to be a blow up or argument. It's a fact or a statement on your part. He should be with it enough to read between the lines and figure out why you don't pick up his calls or call him back. I'm not quite understanding why your hesitancy in recognizing the issue with him because you were ready to uproot yourself for this person. That's serious enough to warrant any kind of conversation, frankly.

    He can respond as he wants and rise to meet you halfway or not at all. If he continues to try to make small talk without showing you anything else beneath the surface or sincere feelings for you, you're the one who has to read between the lines and recognize that he's treating you on a casual basis only.

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