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Thread: LDR possible breakup looming

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Seems very painful to be in limbo like that. You shouldn't be walking on eggshells with someone you're about to change your life for. What stood out to me was your last sentence "I just don't want to make any mistakes that will be detrimental to the outcome in the meantime." That's a very heartbreaking sentence, Limiya.

  2. #12
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    Yes and I feel heartbroken already. Never walked on egg shells with him before, but he's never behaved like this either.

  3. #13
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    Ok, so he called me as soon as he was home. He was in bed and looked rough.
    He briefly told me about his day and I made sure I was pretty normal.

    He asked how I was feeling. I said I was ok just a bit worried about him.
    He proceeded to tell me that he only started feeling like this since he started this job.
    That the crazy hours, and distance with us barely gave him time to think about us.
    That he is exhausted.
    Told me he is 'like this sometimes' and disappears into himself for a while with stress.

    I listened and am trying to see his point of view.
    I asked if it's like a bit of a depression of some sort. He said yes he thinks so.
    He is hoping once work levels out he will feel clearer.
    I told him I shouldn't come to see him then, and he said best not atm.

    He really did look bad. He insisted I did nothing wrong and I need to not beat myself up.
    I told him I'm fine and I'll be fine regardless.
    That I can look after myself.
    I said he needs to take some time to do what he needs to and he knows where I am if he needs me.
    He said to contact him anytime and that he really does love me.
    That he is sorry he's feeling like this.
    I then wished him goodnight and left it there.

    I think I handled myself ok. I didn't get emotional and I just wanted him to deal with whatever it is without judgement.

    I am gonna give him some space now and hope he will be ok. I can't do anything else.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I think you handled that remarkably well.

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  6. #15
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    I think you're smart to take space.

    My sense is that he's losing interest in the relationship now that honeymoon phase is over and he's got other distractions. I don't doubt that he's stressed but I also don't believe it's all down to the pressure he's now feeling at work. It seems that this all moved too fast before he really stopped to think about your true long-term viability as a couple. And now that he has, he's not sure if it's a match.

    I'm sorry this happened, OP. What a disappointment.

  7. #16
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    Thank you.
    I handled it as best as I could. He refuses to say it's a breakup, but I think he's just trying not to upset me cause it sure feels like one.

    I feel he's holding back on more information and his unwillingness to discuss it is painful cause I feel like I'm not having any questions answered.
    Just sitting and wondering what the hell happened so suddenly.

    I'm trying to work but can't concentrate and keep crying every now n then.
    It's painful but I won't chase him. I won't go that way and make it worse.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok, just pull back and don't contact him. Yes unfortunately it seems like a "soft" breakup where he just wants to fade out and leave quietly.

    Part of this is the way too much way too soon factor. An LDR of only 9 mos. and all the intense future talk about moving/ paperwork, families kids, etc. is rather frightening.

    Your last visit seems to have made up his mind and your suggestion to visit yet again made him pump the brakes on this.

  9. #18
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    I believe you're right.
    He just called to check how I am. We talked a bit and I was calm but honest.
    I told him it feels like this is a breakup and he said it wasn't. That he just needs space to get his head straight.
    He said last time I arrived it felt strange at first cause he hadn't seen me for a while but loved it.
    I said he might benefit from seeing a therapist and he said he'd look into it.
    I said I deserve to know what's going on and not have him string this along.
    He said it's not over and to just let him figure things out.

    To me this just upsets me more cause I just want a straight answer either way.
    I don't think I'll hear from him for a while at least. It's very painful.

  10. #19
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    How many times have you met in person, OP?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to say but this is a straight answer. "I need space" means a breakup. He can't 'string you along', unless you allow it. Unfortunately this is one of those 'read my lips', breakups where you need to decide to break it off.
    Originally Posted by Limiya
    he just needs space to get his head straight.
    He said last time I arrived it felt strange at first cause he hadn't seen me for a while but loved it.

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