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Thread: A Tricky Situation

  1. #1

    A Tricky Situation

    So....alittle background. My current girlfriend and have been together for about 7 months now. There is this guy she worked with and well....I didnít think much of him. Kinda a and really creepy at some points. But never thought he was bad.

    The story:
    Today I was writing a paper(where both in collage) on her laptop. Well as I was writing it....Skype opened up on her computer. Nothing out of the ordinary, was gonna just close out of it and work from there. Well I see a whole bunch of messages to /from this guy (the guy above) and it looks like sheís cheating on me. Thereís flirting in many fashions and it looks like there dating and the times stamps where current when we where together and exclusive to one another. He also knew that her and I where in a relationship. As far as I know, they didnít go on any dates at all. Mainly Skype calls, etc.

    Well I confront my girlfriend about this...she told me she didnít want to do this but she was afraid of what he would do to me and would do to her family because heís well....armed.....as well as because the guy.....did some dark and illegal things to her twice (while Iím still in a relationship with her). She says she had to basically saIíd all of these things and play boyfriend, girlfriend so he wouldnít hurt me, her family, or her. She feels guilt for what she did and is taking it hard on herself. I love her and she loves me and Iím trying to make it work but itís very painful to feel and see this happen since Iíve been in countless abusive relationships.

    Why she didnít go to the police, because the city in which I live in (well did), would have sided with him.

    The dilemma: Do you think she playing me and she did cheat? Or is she telling the truth and it justifies her actions and try to support her. Iím trying my best to for her sake because of the trauma sheís experienced.

    P.S. the guyís recruiter for the army knows. I believe that he is getting federal charges.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Whether it's the truth or a lie, why subject yourself to such toxic drama? Leave and find someone who has the ability to be monogamous. If you keep choosing the wrong people, failing to see red flags early on, work on your self esteem and learn to be happy solo before entering the dating world again. You might be subconsciously choosing crap because that's all you think you deserve.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by kaceydavis10
    Well I confront my girlfriend about this...she told me she didnít want to do this but she was afraid of what he would do to me and would do to her family because heís well....armed.....as well as because the guy.....did some dark and illegal things to her twice (while Iím still in a relationship with her)
    Did she go to the police about this?

    She says he's dangerous. If that's the case, how exactly does she think he will react when he finds out she's had a boyfriend for the last 7 months? She doesn't want to put her family at risk, but she has no problem putting you at risk? Surely someone as unstable as she claims he is would come looking for you as well, regardless of the fact that you knew nothing about him. She somehow feels it's safer to lie to this man and risk his wrath when he figures it out?

    I'll be honest, I'm not buying it. I think she got caught with her hand in the cookie jar and is hoping you're naÔve enough to believe her tale.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    That's quite a tale and I think she is taking you for the world's biggest idiot. She got caught red handed and is doing what cheaters do - lie and lie some more to try to weasel her way out.

    In your shoes, I'd be gone without a backward glance. 7 months is nothing much, don't waste another second on a person who'll treat you like that.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. People don't chitchat on skype with people who assaulted them. If she is/was in an abusive situation with this on/off guy, it would be best to remove yourself from the equation. 8 mos. is a good time to reevaluate things and whether she is cheating or in an on/off abusive relationship, either way, get out of the line of fire. End it.
    Originally Posted by kaceydavis10
    My current girlfriend and have been together for about 7 months now.

    Thereís flirting in many fashions and it looks like there dating and the times stamps where current when we where together and exclusive to one another.

    she told me she didnít want to do this but she was afraid of what he would do

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Most people would walk away but seven months is enough time to build some trust. What are your gut instincts telling you?

    You mentioned being in 'countless abusive relationships'. Have you spoken to anyone about this?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    It sounds like you want to believe her and need concrete proof before you will finally dump her. If that is the case then play dumb. Tell her you believe her and wait, watch and listen.

    If what she says is true then she shouldn't be spending one on one time with him should she? Secret calls, meeting after work....

    Basically what she told you is she is being coerced into a relationship with him through threats of violence towards you and her family. If that is the case then it should be easy enough to prove and turn over to the police on your own since he threatened you. Tell her you are going to the police yourself since he has threatened you and that is our right. See what she says.

    There are numerous ways to poke holes in the BS she told you if you want to even try.

    If it is true do something about it, if it isn't dump her.

    Lost

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lostandhurt
    ...Tell her you are going to the police yourself since he has threatened you and that is our right. See what she says.
    Yep, that would do it.


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