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Thread: Lost of Attraction

  1. #11
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    So what do I do? I mean weve been talking this whole time about moving into a place together. What if me mentioning moving out alone seems like an escape plan and its perceived negatively? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
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    Nah I was having a moment. I think Im going to suck it up and deal with it.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Get your own place until she is mentally, physically and financially ready to live together. She has always lived at home.
    Originally Posted by lostcuz88
    I mean weve been talking this whole time about moving into a place together.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    You have seen how things go when there is stress in the relationship so don't ignore the red flags.

    This may all work out but I agree you should get some money together and get a tiny little place so you can move out of her parents. Anything so you can get back on your own feet and not live with them.

    The other issues seem like they will follow not matter the living situation.

    Lost

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  6. #15
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You don't need to discuss this. What is more important is to respect her and her family and move out.
    I completely agree. Right now getting their own place should be the priority not lack of sex.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Or even if he gets his own place, and she stays at her parents', which is how things were before. It's not necessarily a step backwards, and it may be more feasible.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lostcuz88
    So what do I do? I mean weve been talking this whole time about moving into a place together. What if me mentioning moving out alone seems like an escape plan and its perceived negatively?
    Is she employed?

    What's the plan, really? Move out together and then what? I'm asking because I'm curious what comes after that or how the situation sustains itself.

  9. #18
    Gold Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lostcuz88
    I want someone who's going to respect me, because I'm very respectful even to people who don't deserve it. I want words of affirmation, I've grown to realize that I sometimes crave attention. I feel like I try to be the best me that I can be for the sake of being mentioned. I want to be love respected and valued.
    None of the things you want from the relationship require sex. While you might want sex and feel that it could bring you closer together, your current circumstances don't really allow for that. I don't imagine there are many people who feel comfortable having sex with their parents in the other room. It's an awkward situation that will kill that desire quickly. But there are other ways to show affection. Have a regular date night where you can get out of the house and simply enjoy each other's company having fun doing something together. Cuddling on the couch with a movie can feel amazing and be very intimate. Just because there isn't sex, doesn't mean you aren't loved or respected. It just means you need to find other ways of showing each other those feelings.

    Do not go with option B. If you are wanting affection, how will being cold and not showing her affection help? This games can easily backfire and tell her that you aren't interested in her, hurting the relationship more. Less is not more in this case, less is less and could end things. Plus, you admit you would be faking it. You wouldn't feel right doing it. Relationships should be about following your heart, not planning a strategy that you aren't even into.

    While a getaway could be a nice treat for both of you, reliving some stress from the entire situation, ultimately the way out is to change the situation. Once you can have a place of your own, either your own place or with her, that should make things better. Right now the stress of work, money, living arrangements, etc is an overwhelming issue. When you are worried about those things, it's difficult to be in the mood and let go enough to enjoy being in the moment together. But if things become stable and you have the freedom of your own place, that romantic spark can easily ignite again. So keep going with your plan. Both of you need to be working on making that a reality. In the meantime, learn to enjoy and appreciate all the small moments that make a relationship special. The hugs, kisses goodnight, holding hands, taking walks together.... they can be just as enjoyable. If it helps, see it as extended foreplay that will make the actually sex all that much better when the time is right for it to happen.

  10. #19
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    Wow just wow. I almost teared a little reading this thank you. Things are indeed better now.

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