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Thread: Damage mitigation from a drunken declaration of love

  1. #1
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    Damage mitigation from a drunken declaration of love

    Back in 2013 a girl ran into a me on a festival. Both severely drunk we had a chat for about 30 minutes.
    We've shared facebook and so some time after the festival had ended, we started to communicate via whatsapp, text only.
    We have never seen each other ever again, although, till a few days ago we were still talking to each other via WA.

    In the past years we've talked a lot, mostly about relationships, travelling, school / work, all the fun stuff, you name it.
    Through out the years there have been occasions in where she invited me to come over to a party / gathering / what ever. I always refused.
    On my part i sometimes did the same, but i guess we both were a little bit afraid of each other. Our difference in age is 11,5 years.

    In the last two years there have been several occasions in where a big meet was being planned and although highly anticipated, it just never happened.

    It has been seven years now, we still talk from time to time. Just recently i started to notices something is growing inside of me.
    The acknowledgement of the fact that in all these years, in all these disappointments from the past, she is still here, taking the time to talk with me.
    It feels very sweet and heart melting and i think i might be in love.

    I opened my phone and wrote a small "Hey, how are you? =)".
    She immediately replied with "Yes i am great! I am moving out. Wanna grab a coffee soonish? That would be nice =)"

    In the upcoming days we spent talking about study / work / other stuff. At some point she did not respond any more.
    A few days later, she changed her profile picture with her and another guy. The same day she explained she lost her phone.
    I asked if we could set up a meeting and she was like "i would like to do that, but i find it weird, i think there is a chance it might ruin our friendship if we meet in real life".
    (on a side note, this is how most of our meetings fail)

    It took me a few days to chew on that quote and also the fact she had a boyfriend.

    I started to write down a few words for my own pace of mind. It turned into a story about me explaining my feelings, about the past seven year situation and what i thought about her.
    The growing feeling of love or 'being in love' with her, the acknowledgement of 'us' being a 'thing' although we never met.
    Something in the lines of 'you will always be a part of me' - 'the best thing that ever happened'.

    Needless to say i was kinda drunk when i wrote that.

    To be sincere, this text feels like the creepiest thing I've ever sent to a girl.
    Right now I'm really afraid she might never respond to it ever again. Might this be true, i will accept the fact, although i might want to add a little footnote and hope for the best.

    Something in the lines of this:

    My last writings could have been abrupt to you, in a repulsive manner.
    I do not wish to push you away. The past seven years have been great talking with you, i would like to keep it that way.
    I think these writings i have sent you are inappropriate but above all misplaced in the context in which we live.

    Right now i think its best that i will keep my distance from you, so that i can focus on other stuff.
    If you like to talk about this then i would like to hear from you.
    On the flipside, i would accept it if you rather would not.

    In all sincerity, i wish you all the best.
    If there is anyone out there having a piece of advice for this matter, i would like to hear from you.

    Greetings!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It's very awkward. It's all right. Things can get awkward if you start thinking you like someone. I think you're making it worse sending footnotes and other misc notes. The uncomfortable fact is neither of you have any real relationship outside of being text buddies for seven years and she's in a relationship. You already know it's inappropriate and crossing the line sending these notes.

    No more texts. Let things blow over and you go and truly focus on the things you said you wanted to focus on.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Let the dust settle. You can always resume cyber-chatting at a later time.

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    Can I ask what benefit you get from a texting relationship? Do you date?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Knock off the texting for a while, see if she responds. Cool it with drinking so much that your logical brain is addled. If she wants to talk, she knows how to find you. You really have nothing to base a relationship on, it's just been many years of texting.

  7. #6
    Gold Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    You have the right idea. Honesty is the best policy. If you regret what you sent, apologize. Reassure her you don't want to hurt the friendship you have and that you understand if she's uncomfortable talking to you right now. Then leave it in her hands to respond when she's ready. And don't feel bad about saying something. While you could have chosen a better way to do it, it's natural that feelings developed. If you've been chatting for this long, there's a good chance you can work it out and resume chatting in the future.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Can I ask what benefit you get from a texting relationship? Do you date?
    I can't really tell. It just happened. It did not feel like it was a choice from both sides. It was like something organic that developed over time. We bumped into each other and started talking. We still do / did. So what is the benefit? Maybe we just liked to share our thoughts to each other. I think at some points during our lives, when things went south or tough, we just rambled and started talking to each other. Asking for advice or just to get it off the chest. It really was fun and comfortable. In time you start to share feelings of trust and security because there is a distance. It is quite hard to explain tho. We both dated different people over the course of years. She is now in a relationship. I am single, but had some short flings and a longer one while we were talking. Currently i am not dating anyone.

  9. #8
    Silver Member BecxyRex's Avatar
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    I guess I don’t understand why you’ve never met once in those 7 years? Did she always have this boyfriend? I’m not sure why you wouldn’t grab coffee or something after this festival even once. Unless I missed something and you live in different states? But it sounds like y’all live in the same city.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    Did you became more interested in her because there is a guy in her life?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Herderp
    I can't really tell. It just happened. It did not feel like it was a choice from both sides. It was like something organic that developed over time. We bumped into each other and started talking. We still do / did. So what is the benefit? Maybe we just liked to share our thoughts to each other. I think at some points during our lives, when things went south or tough, we just rambled and started talking to each other. Asking for advice or just to get it off the chest. It really was fun and comfortable. In time you start to share feelings of trust and security because there is a distance. It is quite hard to explain tho. We both dated different people over the course of years. She is now in a relationship. I am single, but had some short flings and a longer one while we were talking. Currently i am not dating anyone.
    When people stay stuck in situations that don't improve or seem to get better with time, you have to ask why. You're holding yourself back from experiencing life by continuing this attachment with this person.

    There's nothing hard to understand or explain about it. What matters is that it appears intriguing and appealing to you so that's something you have to uncover why. Healthy individuals don't engage in relationships that fulfill so little or replace what an actual relationship offers. The friendship that you have with her isn't a friendship so you're lying to yourself if you believe that it's just about asking for advice or fun or comfortable. It's anything but now.

    If now isn't the right time to date, that's fine. This attachment though doesn't sound like it's doing anyone any favours.

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