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Thread: I need to understand.

  1. #1
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    I need to understand.

    Hi.

    My ex recently broke up with me. (2.5 months long relationship)
    The reason at first was that she felt I was too interested in the relationship, that the relationship was mostly one sided from me. She said that she doesn't have time for a relationship right now, that she wants to focus on her studies and herself and she doesn't have the time or the capacity to work on the relationship because it would be too pressuring for her. She said it was more about her than it was about me.

    The next day of the breakup, I was frustrated, I really missed her and I didn't want to lose her just like that.
    I sent her a really long text. It contained things like:
    "Ok so I know you have been cold and distant with me this past month and it's due to the pressure you are currently experiencing from the university, and I know we're both probably not getting what we want from the relationship right now, and that we aren't open to each other as we once were.
    However, I don't want things to end this way. We shared a lot and we went through a lot, it's not fair for something like this to just go away. I'd rather try than let it slip.
    I believe we can make this work. I believe that if we actually talk about what each of us want from this relationship, how to not pressure each other, how often we should text, how often we should call, how often we should hang out, etc etc. and we can try this for a week. If we actually felt like this could actually work, and that we can support and help each other, and the relationship becomes more two sided than one sided then we can continue. But, if it was too pressuring and it didn't work out, then it's over. I'm sorry I don't mean to pressure you and put this on top of all what you have, but I really don't want things to end this way. You're one of a kind and I don't want to lose you. <3

    She responded two hour later.
    "For starters, you are an amazing guy but I can't lie to myself and most importantly I can't lie to you. I'm not in a place where I can be in a relationship right now it's more about me than it is about you. You say that if we give it time or have a conversation about it things may work, but I feel there's more to what's happening than that. I feel there are things missing in our relationship that are just not there and I don't see a way they can be, it's going to end up forceful and not fair to any of us, it's going to end up a relationship by name and losing each other more than anything else and I don't want that to happen, I want us to stay friends and be there for one another. I care deeply about you I do and any time you need me of course, I'm always there. I don't want this to impact you or your studies in any way, I really care about you but I don't feel I can be that person now or anytime in the future. I hope you understand, and I'm really sorry."

    I'm really confused. What made her think of me suddenly like this? We had a really good relationship going and we barely fought and neither of us was clingy. I'm going to need your opinion on this. I need clearance and I need it really badly. I want to get back with her, I really do, but she basically never wants to get back with me again. This has been so hard on me and I can't really cope with it this way. Give me your opinion on all of this, I'm all ears!!

    Thank you.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    OMG leave her alone! She's not into you! You cant make her want you. Just leave her be. You are being clingy and pushy which really turns people off.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately she does not to reconcile. Don't stay friends.

    My advice about this situation remains the same.
    [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by Squeezyy02
    She responded two hour later.
    I'm not in a place where I can be in a relationship right now it's more about me than it is about you. I don't feel I can be that person now or anytime in the future. I hope you understand, and I'm really sorry."

  4. #4
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    I'm sorry I forgot that I posted about this in here. Anyways, I'm not really here to try to get back with her. I'm getting over her but what is bugging me is why she would end things just like that. As I said, I just need to understand the situation so that I don't repeat this in my future relationships.

    Also, I haven't contacted her since the breakup.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    What's not to understand? She laid it out in black and white. There was no gray area. She doesn't feel that you are right for her, and she doesn't want a messy scene. The part about wanting to remain friends is just what people say sometimes when they don't want to hurt someone.

    Please stop all communications with her and move on.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    When you are being dumped, it always seems like it's "just like that". In reality, the person making that decision, has been thinking about things for a long time. It's not a decision that is abrupt or made lightly and that is what you need to understand. There is no slow way to break to someone that you want to end the relationship. It's invariably abrupt seeming to the dumpee.

    You can't fix that, change that, or prevent that from happening. All you can do is respect the person's decision and work on accepting it and letting them go so you can heal and move on and find someone else who is more compatible.

    A lot of dumpees get stuck on the idea that if only they had told them what's wrong, they can fix it. The thing is that often times when a person decides to end a relationship, especially a long term one, it's not because it's something broken that you can fix, but rather because they've decided that you are not the right long term partner for them. You aren't bad, or broken and there is nothing to fix. It's simply that you are not the right match. There is nothing to fix and nothing to do but heal and move on.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It sounds like you're in denial. Take a time out and let it sink in for a few weeks. Don't contact her anymore. Right now it's denial and you're in withdrawal. She's already lost interest in you and you probably came off too strong while dating.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    OK so they say a breakup can turn around at about 3 months...so in the meantime look popular, and act like you are getting some attention from a girl or two (easy to do, find a someone to do a selfie with)....flash that stuff on social media. Get all buff and stuff, look good. Best of luck

  10. #9
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I disagree. If she comes back because of some social media pics or because you "look popular" that would be pretty shallow. Besides, if her mind is made up none of that would make a difference.

    You can decide to accept her decision and then, when you're ready, look into dating some of the many other young women at your school who probably like you.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Squeezyy02
    The reason at first was that she felt I was too interested in the relationship, that the relationship was mostly one sided from me.
    She has never been as into you as you are into her, man. That's all there is to it.

    It sucks but this wasn't sudden, and she doesn't feel the same way about trying to make it work. She can't force herself to have feelings for you, just as you can't force yourself not to.

    You need to let go of her and stop contacting her.

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