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Thread: I need to understand.

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    This has been so hard on me and I can't really cope with it this way.

    You were with her 75 days, so yeah, saying you can't cope shows you were way too intense and scaring her away might be the reason she left. If so, you can work on making sure you keep a full life besides having a gf with guy friends and hobbies. If it was just the case that she learned something about herself, that it was hard to have a bf and do college work, then that sucks for you but nobody said life was easy.

    One day you will meet a woman who matches you in how you like to date. Just make sure you're practicing healthy self-talk. Instead of saying to yourself that you can't cope, tell yourself you will always be fine if a break up happens because you still have other parts of your life that are happy, and it frees you to be single so you can eventually meet your forever love.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    This has been so hard on me and I can't really cope with it this way.

    You were with her 75 days, so yeah, saying you can't cope shows you were way too intense and scaring her away might be the reason she left. If so, you can work on making sure you keep a full life besides having a gf with guy friends and hobbies. If it was just the case that she learned something about herself, that it was hard to have a bf and do college work, then that sucks for you but nobody said life was easy.

    One day you will meet a woman who matches you in how you like to date. Just make sure you're practicing healthy self-talk. Instead of saying to yourself that you can't cope, tell yourself you will always be fine if a break up happens because you still have other parts of your life that are happy, and it frees you to be single so you can eventually meet your forever love.
    True, I might have been too intense for her, but can you blame me? :)

    What I mean by I can't cope is:
    I thought we had a really good relationship going on. Days before the breakup I didn't even notice something was off, we would chat regularly and call once a week (we were in a long distance relationship for a month), so when she told me about the breakup I was completely shocked, I knew we didn't have the chemistry we once had but I didn't know things were that serious.

    I did have a life besides her, I was always with my boys and I hit the gym regularly, I have good grades as well, so I wasn't that clingy to her. I was insecure sometimes though, I admit.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Squeezyy02
    True, I might have been too intense for her, but can you blame me? :)

    What I mean by I can't cope is:
    I thought we had a really good relationship going on. Days before the breakup I didn't even notice something was off, we would chat regularly and call once a week (we were in a long distance relationship for a month), so when she told me about the breakup I was completely shocked, I knew we didn't have the chemistry we once had but I didn't know things were that serious.

    I did have a life besides her, I was always with my boys and I hit the gym regularly, I have good grades as well, so I wasn't that clingy to her. I was insecure sometimes though, I admit.
    But the "chemistry you once had?" This is a short term relationship. The longest you believed you had chemistry like that was at most two months. A relatively short period of time. Many people click for the short term. I know it's disappointing but please accept her decision and move on.

  4. #14
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    Almost half of your relationship was not good, and it was an incredibly short one at that.

    She did not suddenly lose interest, she has not been interested for some time. You dated for a minute, you need to move on!

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  6. #15
    Gold Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    You handled this right. You were not ready to give up, so you fought for it. You explained how you felt in a clear, thoughtful manner. You were respectful. You offered to work through whatever is bothering her together. You did what anyone wanting to keep a relationship should do. Unfortunately, you can do everything right and it still not work out. Both sides need to be willing to make the commitment and put in the effort. She isn't. She's also being mature and honest in her response. For whatever reason, she isn't ready for a relationship right now. You can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why, or you can respect her decision and not pursue more. Odds are it has nothing to do with you and is about where she is at in her life, something in her that she needs to work out for herself. Best thing to do is set aside the hope of a romance and just be her friend. If it's meant to be, it will find a way. And if it's not, at least you can have a good friend in your life, which is all to rare. You both sound like good people, who can work through this and stay in each others lives.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by ShySoul
    You handled this right. You were not ready to give up, so you fought for it. You explained how you felt in a clear, thoughtful manner. You were respectful. You offered to work through whatever is bothering her together. You did what anyone wanting to keep a relationship should do. Unfortunately, you can do everything right and it still not work out. Both sides need to be willing to make the commitment and put in the effort. She isn't. She's also being mature and honest in her response. For whatever reason, she isn't ready for a relationship right now. You can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why, or you can respect her decision and not pursue more. Odds are it has nothing to do with you and is about where she is at in her life, something in her that she needs to work out for herself. Best thing to do is set aside the hope of a romance and just be her friend. If it's meant to be, it will find a way. And if it's not, at least you can have a good friend in your life, which is all to rare. You both sound like good people, who can work through this and stay in each others lives.
    The best reply I've ever read. You are one in a million mate. Thank you.

  8. #17
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    You dated for 10 weeks . But after 6 weeks she started to be a bit unsure.
    She gave it a chance for 4 weeks but realised her uncertainty was founded.
    And so she rightfully ended it.

    What exactly are you not understanding?
    How many times did you meet in that 10 weeks?

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    You dated for 10 weeks . But after 6 weeks she started to be a bit unsure.
    She gave it a chance for 4 weeks but realised her uncertainty was founded.
    And so she rightfully ended it.

    What exactly are you not understanding?
    How many times did you meet in that 10 weeks?
    Around 18 times.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I disagree with staying friends with exes. A majority of people don't want to begin dating someone if that person is communicating with an ex. Your future dating pool will be limited if you do that. And when the day comes she gets a new bf, you will likely be put to the back burner or she will totally cut ties with you.

    Listen to Garth Brooks song, Unanswered Prayers, and it might make you feel a little better.

  11. #20
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    I agree with not staying friends unless you've both moved on -whether you're with other people or moved on emotionally - because friends chat about dating of course. For one thing. And a friendship doesn't work if one person wants a romantic relationship. I've stayed friends with exes successfully at times. I married my ex fiancee 11 years after we broke up. We stayed in very limited contact during the almost 8 years we were apart. Definitely not a friendship, barely an acquaintanceship. It's one reason we were able to get back together - our history wasn't dramatic/complicated after we broke up.

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