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Thread: Guy I met online says he wants to leave his gf for me

  1. #21
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    Hi,

    I think this goes to show you need to work on yourself more and get better self esteem. Youíre not in a position to be emotionally put yourself out there. Because well this is what you attract. This guy needs to be blocked and you need to give up the fantasy. Your real life love is out there for you. Everything has timing and for good reason. Due to Covid itís hard to meet others so take the time for you. Pamper yourself and just be single. Then when itís safe to date again, date local.

    This is honestly what Iím doing. Iím single and I made the clear concise decision to be single until next Summer or even next Fall. I know Iím not in a good place emotionally and I feel I would latch onto a online romance if I could. So I do get it.

    I know though you donít need to be wasting anymore time on this guy.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by limichelle
    Hi,

    I think this goes to show you need to work on yourself more and get better self esteem. Youíre not in a position to be emotionally put yourself out there. Because well this is what you attract. This guy needs to be blocked and you need to give up the fantasy. Your real life love is out there for you. Everything has timing and for good reason. Due to Covid itís hard to meet others so take the time for you. Pamper yourself and just be single. Then when itís safe to date again, date local.

    This is honestly what Iím doing. Iím single and I made the clear concise decision to be single until next Summer or even next Fall. I know Iím not in a good place emotionally and I feel I would latch onto a online romance if I could. So I do get it.

    I know though you donít need to be wasting anymore time on this guy.
    Thank you. I agree about working on myself however I've literally been single my whole, entire life. So I actually don't think not being single enough is the problem here. If anything me being single for such a long time is a problem. Despite everything, a person grows through relationships, romantic ones too. And while I've done a lot of soul searching, introspection etc, I clearly haven't gone through any romantic relationship therefore I haven't grown and learned through them. And also I pamper myself so much. I do think I love myself, but then again what is self-love? Idk, really, does anyone know what that even is.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Self-love is whatever you want it to be. If you follow someone else's suggestions, they're only that - suggestions. You'll have to do that discovering on your own. Maybe it's not relationships that will give you greater insight into yourself or your future or the world around you. I did it through a lot of travel and then I just met people along the way. The relationships were things that happened while I was searching for other things. Give yourself room to breathe. I do genuinely believe you deserve more. You just have to believe that too.

    Whenever I think of recharging or taking a time out, I reconnect with things that matter to me. What matters to me might not matter to you so you see how it's dependent on the individual.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by HowMuch
    Despite all these major red flags, the hopeless romantic in me wonders from time to time - what if this is "the one" despite the circumstances. I've never felt more understood, I've never met anyone with whom I would share so many commonalities. What if he really was going to break up with his gf either way and I just happened to meet him in the process, what if this is my "soulmate". What if I'll regret leaving this connection in the future. Basically I'm sick with the dreaded "What if" bug.
    First of all, I agree with the prevailing opinion that he is a cheater, and that pursuing a relationship with him is not worth your time.

    Secondly, he sounds like he's trying to make an upgrade, not win the woman of his dreams.

    But, I can see how you're getting trapped by "what ifs," and that can be crippling. So, I have a suggestion.

    Originally Posted by HowMuch
    And he said that in the next few messages he was going to ask me if I'm single and had I said yes, he would've broken up with his gf and give our relationship a try.
    My suggestion is, exchange the next few messages with him, and see if he dumps his girlfriend and asks you out. If he doesn't follow through, move on.

    And if he does follow through, and your dreams come true, just remember:

    Originally Posted by HowMuch
    his relationship with his gf is reaching an end anyway.
    (Be still, my beating heart).

    Originally Posted by HowMuch
    He didn't apologize tho, interestingly enough.
    (Cause he's not sorry)!

    Honestly, I'd be done, done, and done.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by HowMuch
    Thank you. I agree about working on myself however I've literally been single my whole, entire life. So I actually don't think not being single enough is the problem here. If anything me being single for such a long time is a problem. Despite everything, a person grows through relationships, romantic ones too. And while I've done a lot of soul searching, introspection etc, I clearly haven't gone through any romantic relationship therefore I haven't grown and learned through them. And also I pamper myself so much. I do think I love myself, but then again what is self-love? Idk, really, does anyone know what that even is.
    To me loving myself means treating myself with compassion, respect and dignity. It means making good choices about my health -mental and physical. It means self-honesty and doing the right thing even when it's harder to do the right thing. Pampering isn't necessarily a form of self love -it depends how, what, in what context. Often when I push myself and work my behind off -that is a form of self-love. it's contextual.

    To me choosing to spend your time chatting with and fantasizing about a stranger to the extent you have (he is a stranger for all practical purposes and certainly you're not in a romantic relationship with him) - is the opposite of treating yourself appropriately, let alone with love.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by HowMuch
    Thank you. I agree about working on myself however I've literally been single my whole, entire life. So I actually don't think not being single enough is the problem here. If anything me being single for such a long time is a problem. Despite everything, a person grows through relationships, romantic ones too. And while I've done a lot of soul searching, introspection etc, I clearly haven't gone through any romantic relationship therefore I haven't grown and learned through them. And also I pamper myself so much. I do think I love myself, but then again what is self-love? Idk, really, does anyone know what that even is.
    Self love is being true to yourself and your core values. You know that heís not good for you and you notice the red flags, so that is a good start for self love. You also need self respect and self appreciation to know your worth and not let anyone waste any of your time. This guy clearly is beneath you and though he may say things you enjoy hearing, heís not worth it.

    Whatever you do donít settle for anything online. You donít know the other person your talking to. In fact he could be married? I think if you want to date youíll just need to wait until itís safer to do so.

    In the meantime keep building up that great insight and self awareness you have.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Please stop. He is a cheater...do you want a cheater? Because you are not so special to him that if you do decide to become his gf, that he won't eventually cheat on you too.
    It's not IF he will do that to you...it's WHEN.

    Wake up. He is the worst type of man. Add into it that he is no doubt a liar, besides a cheater and his morals are very low.

    He is a stranger on the internet. How can you even consider talking to this loser again?

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You are next. He will leave you for another woman. Just stand in line and take a number. Beware.

  10. #29
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    OK, first of all, I think your mindset about finding actual real love is too negative. I understand that you've never had a relationship before but in my opinion anyone who is a nice and decent person can find someone. I work with people with disabilities and some people I worked with in a wheelchair or with cerebral palsy and all sorts of things, still found someone.

    I think if you actually do want a relationship, which it seems deep down you do, you need to look for the right kind of guy. I'm getting the sense you actually do want to be with someone because look how easily you fell for some stranger on the internet and projected on him. I think whether he has a girlfriend is actually irrelevant (but makes it much worse). The fact is you basically don't know him. And if you don't know someone, how can you be falling in love with them? You can only be falling in love with the IDEA of them, not them. And especially if you haven't video chatted, you really have zero idea who this person even is. If you hadn't looked him up on Facebook he could have easily been some old man! I'm just saying, there are plenty of dodgy people out there. I've been catfished online before where in real life the person didn't even look like their picture.

    I seriously doubt he would leave his girlfriend for you. I think he's just saying things you wanna hear. Unless he's crazy why would he leave a partner he's had for a long time for someone he's never even met? I think yes, he is a cheater and probably just bored in his relationship.

    Even if you want to meet someone online, you can use online dating and find a lot more guys who are actually single. Or at least give guys where you live a chance first before already saying you're not gonna find anyone. If you never tried then how do you know?

  11. #30
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    I don't understand what is appealing about this guy! Also, he is a stranger. Don't be so gullible What a sleaze!

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