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Thread: Guy I met online says he wants to leave his gf for me

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by HowMuch
    I mean, right now mostly because of quarantine, but in general - I haven't seen any examples of real happiness, not with my parents not with anyone else. It's hard to believe in something you've never witnessed. Not only that I find it hard to open up to people. And where I live - the dating pool is very small and quite miserable tbh. I don't have much to choose from.

    I'm actually glad you gave me such a harsh reply though, because I really need someone to shake me and tell me not to be so naive.
    Keep rebuilding and making more out of yourself and your life. Eventually find the means to move away to a larger city and find more opportunities. Don't do it online with a person you hardly know who is deceptive and questionable. I still think you deserve way more than this and you're shooting yourself in the foot. If you think your life is not so great now it will be worse with this person. You're looking for an uneasy and difficult situation to make your life better. It's just not a good idea.

    I didn't mean to be so harsh earlier. I am appalled at this person's actions or behaviour. He's looking for an escape. Don't be the tool that he uses to make an escape from his own issues. You can do better.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You seem to have a lot of insight. Since you have a lot of doubts about this it may be best to back away from it. Trust your gut instincts.

    Focus on studies, career, your goals, hobbies, interests, sports, clubs, groups, etc.

    You seem hesitant to date, so unavailable people do seek out other "safe" unavailable, improbable people. However if you get too carried away, you may get hurt in the end.

    Thanks a lot for this. I think you might be spot on with seeking out unavailable partners. I guess this quarantine got me lonelier than I thought. I'll try my best to occupy my mind with something else until this infatuation passes I guess.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by lostandhurt
    Wiseman has it right.

    So you have really created a fantasy in your head where the ONE is this guy and no matter the obstacles you know he is the guy for you. Maybe on the Hallmark channel but not in real life.

    Would you try and steal some guy from his gf if he lived in your city? I am sure his gf would be surprised to hear that her relationship is nearing its end. Typical cheater excuse...


    IF you were to attempt a long distance romance I am sure you can do way better than this guy. Hell if you wanted to find the absolute wrong guy for a romance this guy would be in the top 10.

    Being lonely doesn't mean you give up on your values and self esteem.

    Lost
    I don't even watch Hallmark (despise it) but I guess that didn't stop me from creating my fantasy fairy tale based on a toxic online situationship lmao. Thanks for your advice!

  4. #14
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    The fact that you are here asking these questions and being open with suggestions given to you is a really good thing.

    Lesson learned right? Next time what is one of the first things you should ask? Exactly "Are you single?"

    You were open and wanted this to be real but he was a liar and a cheater. It happens all the time unfortunately.

    Keep your head up and think about possibly relocating to somewhere with a bigger dating pool.

    Lost

    PS Hallmark makes a killing off all those Christmas love stories so somebody is watching. Nothing wrong with being a romantic.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by HowMuch
    I have feelings for him
    No, you have feelings for the idea of him.

    You only know him on a superficial level so that's as deep as your feelings can possibly go. You have no clue what this guy is really like, nor if you two would have chemistry offline. The common points of interest only count for so much when you've never spent any time together in person.

    And let's be real: what you do know is not that good. He's the type of guy who chats up other women on the internet and (says) he will monkey-branch for a stranger. That suggests he lacks respect, common sense and a moral compass. Sound like a catch?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You need to give your head a shake. You dont know him, only what he's told you. He may well be married with 5 kids for all you know! Just because he says he has a gf he'd break up with to be with you (a stranger) doesn't mean that's true.

    You'd save yourself a lot o heartache and headaches if you block and delete this guy from your life. You are not in love with this random dude.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    You need to give your head a shake. You dont know him, only what he's told you. He may well be married with 5 kids for all you know! Just because he says he has a gf he'd break up with to be with you (a stranger) doesn't mean that's true.

    You'd save yourself a lot o heartache and headaches if you block and delete this guy from your life. You are not in love with this random dude.
    I mean I know for a fact he's not married with 5 kids because of his facebook profile and all, he seems well loved too, but you're definitely right - this dude is on some sneaky . Even if he was telling the truth about his relationship - it's still a huge red flag that he was apparently willing to leave his long-term relationship over 1 month of us talking online. Even if we had deep talks, still... That's just weird. Desperate at best. Who knows what his intentions are. Thanks a lot for your input!

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Keep rebuilding and making more out of yourself and your life. Eventually find the means to move away to a larger city and find more opportunities. Don't do it online with a person you hardly know who is deceptive and questionable. I still think you deserve way more than this and you're shooting yourself in the foot. If you think your life is not so great now it will be worse with this person. You're looking for an uneasy and difficult situation to make your life better. It's just not a good idea.

    I didn't mean to be so harsh earlier. I am appalled at this person's actions or behaviour. He's looking for an escape. Don't be the tool that he uses to make an escape from his own issues. You can do better.
    Thank you for believing I deserve more - I think I needed to hear that. So thanks a lot. And honestly I think you hit the nail on the head when you said he's looking for an escape. I've been quietly suspecting that too, even before I learned of his gf. He implied that he'd rather move somewhere else and experience something great than to stay where he is and some other weird stuff. I kind of brushed it off when he said that but I still found it odd.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    Okay, you two are going based on nothing.. but words. Yes, is wrong.

    Even if he is working his way out of his relationship with his gf.. Never get involved with anyone who's going thru a BU- which was long term. They're still 'stuck there' for a while.
    Anything with YOU would be most likely a rebound - those hurt! :(

    With your challenging issue's and his - being involved, distance.. being led on etc.. ( was most likely just a thrill).

    So far, he was just emotionally cheating on her. I do feel for her as well .

    Nah, don't even think twice with this one.

    Remove yourself totally from this.. loser .

    Move along and will come across someone out there, more local and NOT involved- who is more honest as well.

  11. #20
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    How do you know he's the one messaging you? Maybe he is maybe he isn't. This interaction is a strong sign that you need to get a life. Please don't get all woo woo about how badly you feel for his girlfriend, etc - these are all strangers and you created a fantasy around them. Just take it as a sign to get a life. Harder to do with covid but very doable. For example you can do some virtual volunteering . i did and I am already very busy.

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