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Thread: Havenít heard from Ex GF for almost 6 weeks since breakup.

  1. #1
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    Havenít heard from Ex GF for almost 6 weeks since breakup.

    Me and my girlfriend were dating for 8 months. Things were great, saw each other almost everyday. She told me she loved me first, I already knew I loved her but was scared to run her off. We had so much in common in life, and what we wanted out of life. We like the same things and had so much fun together. We never fought or really disagreed with each other.

    Almost 6 weeks ago I was at her house on a Friday night, we were hanging out, watching music videos and just talking like normal, she told me she loved me and how thankful she was we had each other, I told her the same. As the night went on she seemed more and more off...Both her daughter and son had friends spending the night. It got late and I just moved 35+ minutes away. She asked her 11 year old daughter if she cared if I sleep in the room with her (the mom) that night. The daughter told her no that I could not. (I had been sleeping on the couch if I ever stayed there while the kids were there). Since there were 6 kids from 11-15 years old she told me I could sleep on love seat. I tried but couldnít, I left in middle of the night and sent her a text saying I couldnít sleep and had to go home, also asked if everything was alright she seemed like something was in her mind. She text me the next morning saying she was sorry for the crappy sleeping arrangements and that she was fine just really tired but also in a head space of needing some space. She then says.. if Iím being honest you have said and done a couple things lately that have been on her mind and remind her of past relationships (her last two have been very bad and abusive). I asked her like what and she said that while watching music videos I made comments about a couple girls on there and cars as well, ďthat I was just really hung up on worldly thingsĒ which Iím not. I apologized for the comments about women and told her I shouldnít have done that. I then for whatever reason said well while we are being honest, you are the mom and your daughter shouldnít get the only say in everything in your life, you can sit her down and talk to her about us and how you feel, we arenít just some fling and I know you never made your last two ex sleep on the loveseat. We talked on the phone later that evening and she said she didnít know what she wanted anymore and was really mad at me. She said she couldnít do this anymore.
    Well afterwards I drove to her house.. bad move I know... I knocked on the door and said Iím not staying long, I just wanted to say Iím sorry for over stepping with your daughter and that I upset you. She said I was really mad this morning and I told her she should be. I told her I loved her and wished we could communicate better going forward if she wanted to try. She told me she didnít have time and wasnít looking for a relationship (after 8months?). I started to say something else and she said you need to leave.

    Her son who I was very close to text me the next week telling me about his football game and sending me highlights. I told him me and his mom werenít together anymore and she might not like us talking. He said no I think she will be fine, plus Iím going to talk to her about you.. he said Iíve never seen anyone treat her or us like you, itís the happiest Iíve ever seen her. Couple days later he was inviting me to his football game and said he talked to his mom and she said she was just annoyed but thatís what she always says when she breaks up with some. I told him I would ask her about the game. He told me I should go over and talk to her in person about it... why I listened to a 15 year old I donít know, just wasnít thinking straight. I did, it was one week since the breakup, she wasnít too happy that I showed up, I told her her son told me to come talk to her, we talked about her car, a tree that was getting cut down and nothing too much. She offered me a cookie, I gave her a hug and left. I sent her a text later and said hey you never did say anything about the football game. Her response... I canít tell you what to do, up to you. So I went and didnít speak to her or even look at her. After the game I sent him a text telling him good job and I was proud of him. He invited me to his next game, I told him he need to ask his mom... couple days later he said she told him it was best for me not to come. I said ok and wished him luck. That night her sponsors husband (we are both in AA) called me and said she doesnít know Iím calling you but... started threatening me about texting her son, ďtrying to use him to get in his moms pantiesĒ and all kinds of crazy not true stuff. That night I sent her a message and apologized that if I crossed any boundaries I didnít intend to and if there was an issue that she could of told me herself. Also told her I wasnít upset that we didnít workout and was thankful for our time together and wish her and her kids nothing but the best and happiness and hoped we would leave all remaining interactions in good termsĒ. That was the last text I sent her. Thatís been over 4 weeks ago. She has blocked me on Instagram, she might have my number too and not go that text I really donít know.

    Iím doing a lot better 6 weeks later, I know I made some mistakes and didnít handle the post breakup perfectly but still confused by how it can go from I love you and thankful to not talking in just one night. I started hanging with some friends, getting out, going to the gym daily (Iíve lost 17 pounds!). Gone on a couple dates... one really bad one. Lol. Iíve talked to my therapist at great lengths about all of this, sheís obviously an avoidant type and I triggered her to shut down. Guess my question is do they ever regain the feelings they once had? How long does that take? Do yíall think there is any hope of of us getting back together? Or very likely? I want to reach out and just say hey and check in but Iím sure that wouldnít do any good. So Iím just continuing to work on myself. Itís just very hard at times not to reach out. Definitely getting better but not gone, I would of never guessed it would of bothered me 6 weeks after the fact. Iíve never felt this way about a women or let one bother me this bad! Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated!! Thank you!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Way too much way too soon. Unfortunately all you can do is continue working on yourself, your sobriety and with your therapist.
    Originally Posted by TB901
    Me and my girlfriend were dating for 8 months. we are both in AA

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    Thanks to anyone who read that whole thing.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. Way too much way too soon. Unfortunately all you can do is continue working on yourself, your sobriety and with your therapist.
    Way too much too soon as in to what aspect? Thank you! Iím coming up on 2 years Nov 2nd!

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by TB901
    Way too much too soon as in to what aspect? Thank you! Iím coming up on 2 years Nov 2nd!
    "Me and my girlfriend were dating for 8 months."

  7. #6
    Gold Member waffle's Avatar
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    Why did you say this:
    Originally Posted by TB901
    . . . told her I wasnít upset that we didnít workout and was thankful for our time together and wish her and her kids nothing but the best and happiness and hoped we would leave all remaining interactions in good termsĒ.
    if you're hoping to get back together?

    I think the chances of you getting back together are hovering very close to 0%. She appears to have wrapped up her feelings and moved on. She has added you to her string of exes that she will be discussing with the next guy she becomes involved with.

    In the future I would not ogle other women in front of someone you're with or interested in. Even if it's on TV. It really is okay to keep some things to yourself.

    She also should not be asking permission and taking directives from her 11 year old child. Not healthy at all.

    All things considered, this doesn't sound like a good match.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by TB901
    Way too much too soon as in to what aspect? Thank you! Iím coming up on 2 years Nov 2nd!
    Introducing her children to you and having you sleep over while the kids were around, all within 8 months, was rushing it. I suspect she also rushed into a relationship with you not long after her two past relationships. It's worrying, and also quite damaging, that she chooses to bring home one man after another to her family in quick succession.

    Yes, continue working on yourself, I also advise that you refrain from any further contact with the children.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Huge lesson here.
    Divorced mom here who dated with young kids.
    8 months in and you wouldn't have even met my kids.
    Her first and foremost priority is her children. If she's a good mom she will consider their emotional wellbeing and comfort above any man she dates.
    I get she was part of the decision to ask the daugther about sharing a bed. The daughters reaction was to be expected and her first indication that she was going off course.
    From there the wheels came off the bus. She likely carefully reconsidered what is in the best interest of her kids and inserting you so early on wasn't a good idea.
    Surely she has some sort of custody arrangment. She should be conducting her personal affairs when the kids aren't present.
    You say the son called you and though you were responsive to his call, you inserted yourself in the mix well after the end of the relationship. This was your moment to think straight and recognize that you weren't going to be this boy's buddy. Especially light of no longer being a team with his mom. I can't help but wonder if you were hopeful that being in the boys life gave you some leverage seeing you wanted mom back. I am not saying you used him, but it had to be side note of some sort.

    I will add, not only did men not meet my sons, I decined meeting theirs.
    Your relationship was with her and her only. That is an adult choice. The kids don't have much of choice when parents insert different partners into their life.
    You mentioned her *ex's sleep in her bed with the kids present? I'll bet they didn't like that either.
    How many men in her bed is too much?

    You went too far and inserted yourself in the kids life. You were part of dust up that included them. She realized the ramifications of that and dialed it back. When you busted the boundaries, she locked the door.
    But yet you call her avoidant? No, she's a mom looking after her childrens emotional wellbeing,

    I am going to guess you don't have kids of your own.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 10-21-2020 at 02:07 PM.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TB901
    Thanks to anyone who read that whole thing.
    we did read the whole thing and no where did you say 2 years. You did say 8 months twice though.
    Stating 8 months once could easily be a misinterpretation, but you stated it once again further into the thread.
    Now when the responses hone in on the 8 month mentions, it becomes 2 years?

  11. #10
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    Two years sober.

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