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Thread: OCD, dreams triggers, anxiety...

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I had daily nightmares like the one you had every single night all night long for 35 years because PTSD. I didnít tell my husband all the time because that would be overkill. But I did when I woke screaming.

    I think it is ok once in a while. It builds emotional intimacy.
    I will never self diagnose, but I have wondered if I have a little bit of PTSD too. I was molested for years as a kid by an older family member and so were two of my sisters. CPS was informed and did nothing too which made it even more of a mind freak.

  2. #12
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cynder
    I will never self diagnose, but I have wondered if I have a little bit of PTSD too. I was molested for years as a kid by an older family member and so were two of my sisters. CPS was informed and did nothing too which made it even more of a mind freak.
    I am so sorry for what you have suffered and I hope this relationship makes you super happy . I remember when you were with your husband you deserve the best. ❤️

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I am so sorry for what you have suffered and I hope this relationship makes you super happy . I remember when you were with your husband you deserve the best. ❤️
    Well, my ex husband is dead now. And sadly he is one of those people who started confronting his issues and really working on himself, and then he died. He went to therapy, worked on his anger problems, went on meds, etc. He did a lot to clean up his act. Him and I even became friends. We had a really long phone conversation one night where he apologized for all the crap he put me through and I think he really was sincere. I was at his house three days before he passed away with my at the time boyfriend. He was dating this girl from another state and he was about to move to be with her. He gave me some furniture and stuff because he was trying to pack as light as possible for the move. He was happy when I left that night. He gave me a big hug and everything. Then three days later I got a text from a mutual friend saying he was dead. He killed himself and no one really knows why. He didn't leave a note and his family kept everything really hush hush. And as morbid as this is, my girlfriend actually has a dead ex too. The circumstances were similar even. When we first started talking that was one of the things we bonded over. Not a lot of people understand what that particular situation is like.

    Sorry for rambling. Thanks for your help on this thread.

  4. #14
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cynder
    Well, my ex husband is dead now. And sadly he is one of those people who started confronting his issues and really working on himself, and then he died. He went to therapy, worked on his anger problems, went on meds, etc. He did a lot to clean up his act. Him and I even became friends. We had a really long phone conversation one night where he apologized for all the crap he put me through and I think he really was sincere. I was at his house three days before he passed away with my at the time boyfriend. He was dating this girl from another state and he was about to move to be with her. He gave me some furniture and stuff because he was trying to pack as light as possible for the move. He was happy when I left that night. He gave me a big hug and everything. Then three days later I got a text from a mutual friend saying he was dead. He killed himself and no one really knows why. He didn't leave a note and his family kept everything really hush hush. And as morbid as this is, my girlfriend actually has a dead ex too. The circumstances were similar even. When we first started talking that was one of the things we bonded over. Not a lot of people understand what that particular situation is like.

    Sorry for rambling. Thanks for your help on this thread.
    I am so sorry for his untimely passing. I am so glad he was facing his issues and even apologized. That shows his strength of character.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I am so sorry for his untimely passing. I am so glad he was facing his issues and even apologized. That shows his strength of character.
    His death was a really surreal thing. His family didn't even have a memorial service for him. They wouldn't talk to anyone either. Because he was in a band and he was a film maker he had a huge social media following. His Facebook was full of stuff from people posting memories about him and stuff. At one point his Mom got on there and told everyone to stop posting on his Facebook page. People did anyway though. And so someone (presumably her) got into his account and unfriended everyone and made his whole page private.

    His Mom wrote the obituary too, and it was the most messed up obituary I've ever seen. I remember as I was reading it I was just getting angrier and angrier and angrier. It was full of lies and it was more about making her and the rest of her family look good than it was about him. It never mentioned anything about his music or him being a film maker. There was stuff in it about how much he loved his Mom's delicious cookies. Ok... him and I were together for ten years. He never once mentioned his Mom's cookies and his Mom never baked him cookies that I remember. And there was this weird cringe worthy poem that his brother wrote for him. It was like, "Hold me closer, I'll slay dragons to make sure you're alright." Idk... it sounded like something some high school freshman would write to some girl he has a crush on. Not something a 40 year old man would write about his dead little brother. A bunch of mutual friends of his and mine all thought the obituary was weird too. And there was also a line thanking the coroner for her non judgmental approach. Why the hell would the coroner be judgmental? Examining dead bodies is her job.

    Idk... The whole situation was really bizarre in a lot of ways. Sorry this went a lot longer than I intended, lol.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    This advice might not work, considering your condition. So please know I mean no disrespect. Nor am I trying to trivialize your pain.

    However, when I read your dream of death, my mind went to a different interpretation.

    A death can symbolize the end of something or the beginning of something. In a symbolic sense, your SO could be ending a stage of life, a cycle of some kind, a job, it could mean something positive... as in overcoming a challenge or something they have dealing with is coming to end.

    And since it was your dream, this could mean you are the one that is ending something, starting something new.

    It doesn't have to mean death in terms of life is over.

    Our minds, use dreams to process. sometimes they can be visions of future events. but they aren't usually literal.

    I suffer from disturbing dreams at times and I often Google meanings or look to my tarot cards for symbolism. If you take some time to journal or reflect in your mind, what's been happening, you might find insightful wisdom from your subconscious breaks through.

  8. #17
    Gold Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    Cynder, I'm really sorry you've had to endure so much in your life. If it helps any, I see a remarkable, intelligent, and caring person inside you. I know it can be a struggle, but you're doing well. Hope you took some time to relax and calm yourself. One dream doesn't mean something bad will follow or that he'll start slipping. You're strong and can handle this.

    From what you've said about your girlfriend, she'll want to know and help you through. She might even suspect there's more the what you are telling. Don't go into detail if you think it would only make you feel worse. But let her know about you husband and the fears you have. These are the moments that can really bring you closer together. The moments I've felt closet to people have usually been while bonding over something that's hurt us or made us anxious. I think she'll understand and will be there to help you through your feelings. Having that support can really keep you calm and prevent you from going to far into depression.

    And I also think your husband's family was weird with their response to his passing. It's sad, but maybe not uncommon, that people can make that time about them and not be able to reflect who the person really was. I had similar feelings with my father's funeral a couple years, like the person being described wasn't the father I grew up with.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    This advice might not work, considering your condition. So please know I mean no disrespect. Nor am I trying to trivialize your pain.

    However, when I read your dream of death, my mind went to a different interpretation.

    A death can symbolize the end of something or the beginning of something. In a symbolic sense, your SO could be ending a stage of life, a cycle of some kind, a job, it could mean something positive... as in overcoming a challenge or something they have dealing with is coming to end.

    And since it was your dream, this could mean you are the one that is ending something, starting something new.

    It doesn't have to mean death in terms of life is over.

    Our minds, use dreams to process. sometimes they can be visions of future events. but they aren't usually literal.

    I suffer from disturbing dreams at times and I often Google meanings or look to my tarot cards for symbolism. If you take some time to journal or reflect in your mind, what's been happening, you might find insightful wisdom from your subconscious breaks through.

    She is actually transition right now from one job to another job. I say transitioning because the job she had before has seriously cut her hours and so she got a second job. Right now she has both, but is planning on putting in her notice once her probationary period is up at the new job (which will be today.)

    As far as me ending something and starting something new, there could be something to that also. This relationship is still new, for one. We've only been together 2 months. But we also live together and this is the first time in over a decade that I've lived with a significant other. We did things backwards. Most of the time when two people are together for a while they end up moving in together. We started out as roommates and then ended up falling for each other.

    Also, this is my first serious relationship with a woman. I've identified as Bisexual for a long time. But all my serious relationships have been with men. It's not that I have a preference for one or the other. It's just worked out that way. But I am not one of those members of the LGBTQ community that is really loud about their orientation. I don't deny it, but unless it comes up in conversation I don't go around announcing it either. And so a lot of people I know who aren't really close to me had no idea. So lately I've heard a lot of statements like, "So you're gay now?" I can understand why people are asking that and I know they don't mean it as a bad thing. But it is a little frustrating having to explain to people that I didn't just suddenly turn gay. I've always been Bi, I'm just currently in a gay relationship.

    And, I found out last week that my 11 year old Persian cat that I've raised since kittenhood has throat cancer. The vet said she could still live for years if I keep up with the medication and everything, but she might only have a few months. And I know eventually I'll likely have to have her put to sleep. So every day I interact with her knowing she could die any day now. That could have influenced this a little.

    I'm a tarot reader too, but I don't read much for myself anymore. I think my cards hate me sometimes. The Tower loves to pop up in almost all my readings for myself.

    Anyway, thanks for replying and for your interpretation.

  10. #19
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cynder
    His death was a really surreal thing. His family didn't even have a memorial service for him. They wouldn't talk to anyone either. Because he was in a band and he was a film maker he had a huge social media following. His Facebook was full of stuff from people posting memories about him and stuff. At one point his Mom got on there and told everyone to stop posting on his Facebook page. People did anyway though. And so someone (presumably her) got into his account and unfriended everyone and made his whole page private.

    His Mom wrote the obituary too, and it was the most messed up obituary I've ever seen. I remember as I was reading it I was just getting angrier and angrier and angrier. It was full of lies and it was more about making her and the rest of her family look good than it was about him. It never mentioned anything about his music or him being a film maker. There was stuff in it about how much he loved his Mom's delicious cookies. Ok... him and I were together for ten years. He never once mentioned his Mom's cookies and his Mom never baked him cookies that I remember. And there was this weird cringe worthy poem that his brother wrote for him. It was like, "Hold me closer, I'll slay dragons to make sure you're alright." Idk... it sounded like something some high school freshman would write to some girl he has a crush on. Not something a 40 year old man would write about his dead little brother. A bunch of mutual friends of his and mine all thought the obituary was weird too. And there was also a line thanking the coroner for her non judgmental approach. Why the hell would the coroner be judgmental? Examining dead bodies is her job.

    Idk... The whole situation was really bizarre in a lot of ways. Sorry this went a lot longer than I intended, lol.
    For sure people act very strange when someone dies. My dad passed recently August and his sister was late for his funeral which was outside and even though everyone had been waiting including the funeral director and her 100 year old aunt she STILL needed a bathroom. Yet I had been waiting to pee for 3 hours and didnít say anything because this was about my dad. But she still managed to make the show all about her like it was in his life. He was ALWAYS the last considered among his sibs.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cynder
    She is actually transition right now from one job to another job. I say transitioning because the job she had before has seriously cut her hours and so she got a second job. Right now she has both, but is planning on putting in her notice once her probationary period is up at the new job (which will be today.)

    As far as me ending something and starting something new, there could be something to that also. This relationship is still new, for one. We've only been together 2 months. But we also live together and this is the first time in over a decade that I've lived with a significant other. We did things backwards. Most of the time when two people are together for a while they end up moving in together. We started out as roommates and then ended up falling for each other.

    Also, this is my first serious relationship with a woman. I've identified as Bisexual for a long time. But all my serious relationships have been with men. It's not that I have a preference for one or the other. It's just worked out that way. But I am not one of those members of the LGBTQ community that is really loud about their orientation. I don't deny it, but unless it comes up in conversation I don't go around announcing it either. And so a lot of people I know who aren't really close to me had no idea. So lately I've heard a lot of statements like, "So you're gay now?" I can understand why people are asking that and I know they don't mean it as a bad thing. But it is a little frustrating having to explain to people that I didn't just suddenly turn gay. I've always been Bi, I'm just currently in a gay relationship.

    And, I found out last week that my 11 year old Persian cat that I've raised since kittenhood has throat cancer. The vet said she could still live for years if I keep up with the medication and everything, but she might only have a few months. And I know eventually I'll likely have to have her put to sleep. So every day I interact with her knowing she could die any day now. That could have influenced this a little.

    I'm a tarot reader too, but I don't read much for myself anymore. I think my cards hate me sometimes. The Tower loves to pop up in almost all my readings for myself.

    Anyway, thanks for replying and for your interpretation.
    You're welcome.

    I think you mentioned multiple things that could be your brain processing change and death.

    I think everything you said (for what it's worth coming from a stranger) makes complete sense.

    Its likely your tarot cards don't hate you :)

    Thinking of The tower card... again another seemingly negative card... but it also is an indicator of change, the break down of what was.... not always a bad thing in the long run.

    I think of losing our baby teeth... we all go through that and it's celebrated by our society... cause we know we are making way for new, better, stronger teeth.

    But aside from teeth, I struggle to think of other instances that so clearly demonstrate something bad actually being good to the extent we celebrate with the tooth fairy, no less.

    Unlike teeth. most changes do not have a clear outcome. and let's face it, all living creatures struggle with change.

    Be kind to yourself... you are going through a lot right now. I'm sorry about your kitty. I love kitty cats and having put my own down, I understand the pain.

    I get exactly what you mean about coming out bi to your friend's etc. They mean well but it's a lot of explaining and being very vulnerable to their response.

    And a new relationship!

    it's a lot of change at one time. It will take time to process and to get on solid footing. At least it would be for me!

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