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Thread: Have I been friend zoned?

  1. #1

    Have I been friend zoned?

    Recently got back in contact with and old FWB. We haven’t spoken in a very long time. He says I ghosted him. Upon starting to hang out again, he mentioned that he is shocked at how successful I am and everything I have going on with myself and he really loves how confident I am etc and he regrets us not getting serious sooner. That night we kissed each other on the lips goodnight.

    A few days later, at about 12am he calls me super drunk and tells me how much he wants to be with me and just all of these beautiful things and how i’m the one, and then his friend gets on the phone and is like “what did you do to him, he is so in love with you, you two need to stop playing games, and that he better be the best man at the wedding”. The next day, he texts me to meet up. So I’m thinking that he wants to meet up to talk about us getting serious and so he starts talking about his night and so I hint at the phone call. And he says “wait, I called you”

    So I remind him of the call, and tell him everything that he said and he was in complete shock, saying omg I can’t believe I said that. I was like yeah so do you really feel that way and he says yes but then says that i am more of what he can ever ask for in a woman and that he is very attracted to me and so happy when we are together and that my success inspires him so much. But that he is a jerk and i am such a sweet person and he would never want to hurt me and he just has a lot going on that he has to deal with and he is so scared of getting hurt again (his ex cheated) and he’s scared that we get serious and then I just ghost him again. We just left it at that.

    A few days later, he texts me if I can help him with something so he came over and I had already cooked dinner for myself so he had some and said that it was the best food he ever had and was like “wow that was amazing you are going to make someone so happy one day” and then winked at me. I just responded that I know it was so good i had two plates and laughed.

    I’m just so confused, because I know by experience that when you’re drunk, the truth comes out. And the times we have been hanging out, nothing sexual, we’ve had such amazing times and we get along really well. He told his friends about me. I just don’t get it. How can you think so highly of someone and profess your love and then say “I’m going to make someone happy one day”.

    At this point I feel like I like him too much to see him as a friend, so idk if i should tell him how I feel and then cut off contact or if I should just wait and go with the flow.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Tell him how you feel. You two have known each other for some time so there is no reason why you can't have a heart to heart conversation. If he blows it off, tell him you can't do this, because of your feelings for him.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately it doesn't sound like you are on the same page. He seems to be cavalier and kidding and you seem to hope for a relationship. That being the case, you need to decide if hanging around with him is worth your effort, time, etc.. At this point he and his drunken friends are making fun of you. My vote is dump him.
    Originally Posted by hoyos2020
    “wow that was amazing you are going to make someone so happy one day”
    At this point I feel like I like him too much to see him as a friend, so idk if i should tell him how I feel and then cut off contact or if I should just wait and go with the flow.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Wait for what?

    He already told you the truth you don't want to hear, "that he is a jerk and i am such a sweet person and he would never want to hurt me and he just has a lot going on that he has to deal with" All the fluff around these words was just letting you down easy and trying to be nice.

    Since you are way too into him, I'd say just go ahead and drift away until this crush dies down. He is not the right guy for you, he isn't interested in you that way, and he told you that quite directly. Best that you get over him fast and look elsewhere for a better quality guy. When a guy tells you that he is a jerk, you better believe him even if you don't know quite what he means by that. Just trust that he does know himself and that he is telling you the truth about that.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I read a bunch of different things here and it can be interpretted a bunch of different ways.

    Yes, the comment about being a mess with too much going on is basically a flag on the play, but it also could have been an attempt to get some reassurance from you.
    What to do?
    Nothing.
    You've spent mere hours with this guy. I get you know him from the past but surely you have just enough composure to take this one day at time, with no expectations and let this play out the way it is supposed to.
    If he flakes out, you are centered enough to handle it without missing a step.
    Don't get attached to an outcome and don't fall into bed with him in the meantime.
    Eyes and ears open. Live in the moment.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I don't think you should take him seriously. Your judgment is skewed because you seem to have a crush on him or like him a lot. When someone tells you they like you or they're star-struck by you when they're drunk, it means that they're drunk. He sounds like a sweet talker with no substance and a lot of anxiety issues.

    Steer clear and don't sleep with him again. I think you have too many feelings to treat him as a fwb.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by hoyos2020
    But that he is a jerk and i am such a sweet person and he would never want to hurt me and he just has a lot going on that he has to deal with and he is so scared of getting hurt again (his ex cheated) and he’s scared that we get serious and then I just ghost him again.
    I haven't yet met a man who lied about being a jerk.

    Each one who said they were jerks?

    Yep. They were jerks.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    1) You two were just FWB.
    2) After a long while you reconnect.
    3) Other than a FWB as you previously were.. how else would he see you?
    4) Like drunk texting.. ( which I am sure he is much aware he did..) Is nothing real.
    5) So after such a long time of silence he has this 'Huge' liking for you?


    I highly doubt he means that ' you are the one'.

    He's a playboy, that's it. Dont put the guy on a pedestal :/
    If you are feeling more- I feel you are BOTH going on a high ( a temporary thrill) and it will end fast as it started.

    How much do you actually know each other?

  10. #9
    Thanks everyone. Ugh I feel dumb I was on the path to put him on a pedestal. Him and his friends probably had a list of girls they called that night. I just don't get how someone can claim to feel someway but then switch instantly. I want to cut off all contact but I know if I do hear from him he's just going to say "see thats why i didn't want anything serious with you because I knew you would ghost me". So its like a lose, lose situation.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by hoyos2020
    Thanks everyone. Ugh I feel dumb I was on the path to put him on a pedestal. Him and his friends probably had a list of girls they called that night. I just don't get how someone can claim to feel someway but then switch instantly. I want to cut off all contact but I know if I do hear from him he's just going to say "see thats why i didn't want anything serious with you because I knew you would ghost me". So its like a lose, lose situation.
    So what if he does say that? He is no good for you anyway and shouldn't be in your life to begin with. He can say and think whatever lets him sleep at night. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Keeping him around when you have a crush on him like that will just get in your way of finding a good guy. Besides, no guy will appreciate the fact that you have an ex-FWB hanging around playing "friends" with you. He simply has to go.

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