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Thread: Inappropriate photos on boyfriends phone

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Dance100
    Thank you. He said he will not participate and has not in 10 months. Do you think this behavior can change just like he said. I told him I donít want to be with that kind of person and he said itís not who he is and he was just being stupid.
    You said, you believe him. I'd give him chance. But like someone said, if you see him doing this again, dump him.

    But truthfully, how will you know? You can't live life checking on pics that are sent to him as a joke by other guys. He is not going to tell the guys to stop.

    But! I also am not so offended by this... Guys I've known, (good guys) look at playboy, have pin ups in their garage etc... A guy (not a good guy) sent me a penis pic and I sent to all my friends. It was a shocking joke! So I think you have to look at the nature of things, see the humor in it and let it go.

    Now if women are sending him pics and or he talks to them. Then that's wrong in my opinion and I would not tolerate.

    A few years ago, my guy went to a strip club with some friends.. Is that gross to me? Yes. It is.

    It was one night while we are out of town, with a bunch of friends and that's where the guys went, when they split from the women. Some of the women are really mad and it kind of ruined the trip.

    I wasn't mad at him. I saw it for what it was. He never went to the strip club before and he never did after. It was a silly thing they did on the trip...

    They all had a good laugh. And maybe that's what was happening with your guy. his friends were being pigs, laughing and carrying on over pics.

    Now that he has said, he is not this kind of guy, if he does it again, you have every right and he should expect you to dump him and mean it. Just don't let this ruin a good thing.... You know?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    It's like the olden days when there would be porn mags under the bathroom sink. Guys are going to look and talk about other women...just the digital age is giving men more access, and storage. You already saw he's cut it out. make him delete them and carry on with your relationship. Maybe point out, ask him how would he feel if you had nude photos of random men kept on your phone....that should do it/ make him see how inappropriate it is. Time to grow up right?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. How old is he? Ok, you've told him how you feel about this, he explained, now all you can do is reflect. Generally, don't hope people change. Dating is a what you see is what you get situation. If he wasn't a monk before you dated, he won't be now. It's not about "what kind of person" you are.
    Originally Posted by Dance100
    Do you think this behavior can change just like he said. I told him I donít want to be with that kind of person and he said itís not who he is and he was just being stupid.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    That's just who he is and it's who his friends are. Five years or fifteen years down the line and you might be wondering why he's receiving emails about random women or contacts or waking up to two or three kids who need breakfast while finding new information on your husband's phone. You can care about your SO but take care of yourself first and you're no good to anyone, most of all yourself, if your peace of mind is compromised or you can't think straight.

    I'm sorry this is happening. Choose better company.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    Men - or boys..will be boys.

    Having these kinds of pics means nothing. Often it can actually get them 'going'.
    Doesn't mean they are cheating etc. ( another form of those well known 'Nudie magazines- from back in the day).
    My ex had plenty and was common I didnt care.. he was with me.

    Is his thing and Im sure if he has or had a computer they'd be on there too.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Men - or boys..will be boys.
    That quote doesn't fly anymore. It's what people say when they are trying to justify men behaving badly and more times than not, it's often degrading women in some way.

    I realize the porn industry and nudie magazine are thriving business's, but that still does not make it right. It is degrading women, using them for cheap kicks, dehumanizing them.
    And you know what? It was never okay.

    Society has gotten so used to using women like this that it's become the norm, pretty sickening that this kind of sickness becomes the norm.

    Women should be valued, respected and treated so much better. Men should find a way to have more self control, cause that's the problem right there.

    I'm glad you want your boyfriend to behave better, OP. In fact, I hope most women want their partner, husband, son, etc..to behave better so we can have a better and higher standard of men in this world.

    You are not alone, OP, in wanting a man who doesn't behave like a neanderthal, thousands if not millions of women are tired of men behaving badly and then trying to excuse it.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Whenever I receive meaningless pics from friends they usually stay embedded in the text convo until I clean up someday. They don't make it into an album or storage.

    So what was the context--were they in text messages or saved on purpose?

  9. #18
    Gold Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    That quote doesn't fly anymore. It's what people say when they are trying to justify men behaving badly and more times than not, it's often degrading women in some way.
    i agree. The phrase seems like a way to dismiss behavior that can be dangerous and damaging, particularly to women. In my mind boys need to eventually grow up to be men and men treat women with more class and respect. Posting and sharing nude photos can cause a lot of harm and shouldn't be done.

    To dance100, unfortunately, you can't do anything about a person's friends. What counts is the person he is. He knows how you feel and should respect that. He's had his warning, so hopefully he won't mess up again. Though I would think if I was in a relationship with someone and got those photos, they would have been permanently deleted the moment I saw them. i think he can put such behavior aside and I'm hoping you have a great relationship.

  10. #19

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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    That quote doesn't fly anymore. It's what people say when they are trying to justify men behaving badly and more times than not, it's often degrading women in some way.

    I realize the porn industry and nudie magazine are thriving business's, but that still does not make it right. It is degrading women, using them for cheap kicks, dehumanizing them.
    And you know what? It was never okay.

    Society has gotten so used to using women like this that it's become the norm, pretty sickening that this kind of sickness becomes the norm.

    Women should be valued, respected and treated so much better. Men should find a way to have more self control, cause that's the problem right there.

    I'm glad you want your boyfriend to behave better, OP. In fact, I hope most women want their partner, husband, son, etc..to behave better so we can have a better and higher standard of men in this world.

    You are not alone, OP, in wanting a man who doesn't behave like a neanderthal, thousands if not millions of women are tired of men behaving badly and then trying to excuse it.
    I completely agree with this.

    OP, I would have him delete those photos as well and not participate in this. If it happens again, Iíd walk away. Otherwise he will think he can get away with this behavior going forward.

    My exís friends used to send him nudes of random women as well, but he never saved them and they would just be in the group chats.

    My concern is that they were saved to his album. Why? The only app I know that automatically downloads pics to your phone is WhatsApp. You say he has not done this in 10 months, and yes, he was transparent with you. So was my ex about all the women he was talking to, the porn he was watching, and the nude women his friends sent him. Didnít mean he had any kind of respect for me or for the relationship.

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