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Thread: 7 year relationship conflict

  1. #1

    7 year relationship conflict

    Hi my name is Nicole. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years and yesterday I found out that he was on a dating app. I am completely heartbroken because our relationship has always been great but apparently things werenít as they seemed. My friend approached me and told me that she saw him on there. When I confronted him about it he didnít deny it. He claims that he is struggling with self-confidence and image issues and didnít feel like I was attracted to him anymore so he went to see if other girls would like his page and find him attractive. Basically he needed validation and mine wasnít enough. He didnít physically cheat on me and was small talking with one girl. I need advice on what I should do about this situation. My trust is gone and I donít want to give up on him. Any advice would be greatly helpful.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Sorry to hear this. Do you live together? How old is he. Do not by his bs about doing it to relieve stress. Do not allow him to dump it on you.

    You need to reconsider the relationship, not because you uncovered this but because he blames you for his rotten, deceitful behavior. Do you want to be worn down because you're not feeding his ego enough, according to his nonsense? Do you want to be looking over your shoulder all the time?

    BTW, usually what someone happens upon by accident is the tip of the iceberg, also what a cheater admits to is the tip of the iceberg.
    Originally Posted by Nicolinaaa
    I confronted him about it he didnít deny it. He claims that he is struggling with self-confidence and image issues and didnít feel like I was attracted to him anymore so he went to see if other girls would like his page and find him attractive. Basically he needed validation and mine wasnít enough.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Wow. this is huge and you should not let his excuse of low self esteem manipulate you.

    its an effort to create a profile, post a picture, talk to other women.

    How would he feel if you did this to him?

    He's looking to move on but doesn't have the guys to flat out break up, be alone and eventually meet someone else.

    Ask yourself why you've been together for 7 years and if the remains has been progressing and growing in a healthy manner.

    I would not let this be cool. I would be very angry and feel very betrayed. how dare he. and you heard this from a friend? Don't play the fool. Dump this guy. After 7 years, you deserved way better.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Buuuuuulllllll $$$$$****&^%. He's so so full of it! When they are looking, and taking steps to chat on a dating app, he's scratching a 7 year itch. He's emotionally cheating, his excuse is well rehearsed, he's stepping out on you, and I agree with the above post he doesn't have the gonads to end the relationship. He's not dipping his toes in, he's already waste deep. And to boot, there's no ring on your finger after 7 years of dating...and I'm sure he's come up with many excuses for that too...I need to finish college, I need to find a career, I need to find a better paying job, I want to make sure I have enough money saved, I want to make sure blah blah blah.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    You know that he emotionally cheated on you, he may have physically cheated. Emotional cheating is just as bad!

    His response was a bunch of crap. He was looking for other women. What happens the next time he seeks attention or sex for his ego? What would he have thought if you had done the same?

    He gave up on you and your relationship. There is no trust. Time to move on.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    He gave up on you so why not give up on him.

    Tell you what you should do if you aren't willing to give up on your cheating bf.

    Make a profile on the same dating app he is on so you can do exactly what he proclaimed he was doing. Tell him it would be good for the relationship to see what else is out there since you have been together 7 years and there are no plans for the relationship to be more than it is.

    Lesson one: Cheaters lie and then lie some more. He did not tell you the truth and that is a fact.

    He is an idiot going on a dating app thinking you wouldn't hear about it. You are correct that the trust is ruined and will probably never recover.

    This is like when someone tells their significant other they need a break to figure things out but what they really want to do is test drive that cute guy/girl from work and see if they should dump you for them.


    PS Tell him you want to read all his messages on the app. All the ones he sent and all the replies he got.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Wilds of Texas
    Yeash.....sadly, OP, you are being fed a whole truckload of bs. I love how he is shifting blame onto you - he had to cheat because..... Yeah, no, not how cheating works, OP. He cheats because he wants to. It's a character thing or rather a complete lack of character. Cheating is about deceit. Exactly what you touched on - you thought your relationship was good because that's what he presented to you. He isn't cheating because your relationship is bad, he is cheating because he enjoys duping you. It's a "I know something you don't" power trip.

    I am calling it cheating because let's face it, people don't go on dating apps to do nothing. As for trying to dig more, you won't find anything. Liars know how to delete and hide things. What you have to understand is that you are looking at the tip of the iceberg here and no, you cannot ever trust him again and shouldn't.

    You also should dump him with extreme prejudice. Don't waste your life trying to police a cheater - you'll wreck your health and he'll be off screwing around with some side chick while you are pregnant or nursing a colicky baby....because you know....he needs attention and you are way too busy with these pesky real life responsibilities. Is this kind of a life acceptable to you? Always looking over your shoulder wondering what he is up to now? I hope not. Please don't waste another day of your precious life on this loser.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Sydney Australia
    Cheaters gonna cheat.
    This isnt a one off thing, he has been doing this a long time. Its only cos he got caught that he came clean.

    Dump his sorry ass. You deserve someone so much better than him!

  10. #9
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    If you don't want to give up on him, what kind of advice are you seeking, exactly?

    Ways to police him better?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Excuses.. excuses?

    IF he had a real issue, it should have been voiced with YOU.

    Many ppl are on these dating sites.. yup- even those involved already "/

    Is not your problem if HE feels he is not enough.. insecure , seeking validation elsewhere.

    Was his choice.. his loss.

    If you want to remain is your choice. BUT if he has damaged your trust, is it done now?

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