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Thread: Bf wonít talk to me bc I hid I was assaulted

  1. #1

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    Bf wonít talk to me bc I hid I was assaulted

    Iíve been with my bf for 8 yrs. About 3-4 yrs into the relationship he said he couldnít be with someone who was sexually assaulted. He made how he feels clear and was upfront about his experience with molestation as a child by males and females. I was raped but never told him or anyone just kept it a secret, it happened in the later part of my teenage yrs. Recently Iíve been dealing with depression (change in jobs and moving) I saw the guy who raped me on Facebook and it triggered old feelings about the situation. My boyfriend was helping me through the depressed episode by coming to stay with me and one night I was crying, but refused to tell him about the rape I couldnít even form the words, but he could tell what happened by the hints I gave. He asked if Iíd ever fully tell him and I said no, it hurts to talk about. He got very upset I hid something from him and lied about being sexually assaulted, I told him I didnít wanna tell him bc it hurt to talk about and he wouldnít wanna be with me anymore. The next morning he left saying I was manipulating him and he couldnít be with someone who lied and kept secrets. This was 2 months ago and he is still angry. He changed his number and only rarely communicates thru email with me. He wonít even hear me out about what happened. What should I do? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    You need to leave him alone he has his own demons.

  3. #3
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    3-4 yrs into your relationship when he brought up sexual assault is when you should have opened up to him.
    Although even then it would have been a bit late to.

    Of course you donít have to divulge everything to someone you are only newly dating , but if you couldnít share this with him after years then there is something fundamentally wrong with that relationship. ???

    And after 8 years you tell him a little but not enough.
    He didnít leave the relationship because of what happened years ago. He left because you havenít dealt with what happened years ago and didnít trust him enough to confide in him?

    Iím sorry for what happened to you.
    But you do need to face it, deal with it and realise that until you do , no relationship can be a successful one?

    Donít try contact your ex . It will be futile.
    He is not the person you should be speaking to now.

  4. #4
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    He also has not dealt with HIS past as he has no compassion.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Evie917
    This was 2 months ago and he is still angry. He changed his number and only rarely communicates thru email with me. He wonít even hear me out about what happened. What should I do?
    There is nothing you can do at this point. You can't force him to want to listen or empathize.

    I think it's best you let go of him and work on healing, both from the break-up and the previous trauma. You deserve happiness.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Strange conversation to have that he was molested and wouldn't date someone in similar circumstances.

    Stop contacting him. He doesn't want to or need to hear you out.

    The best approach is counseling. You can't go through life being " triggered" randomly looking at social media.

    Do you know this guy? Was it date rape where you still have people in common?

  8. #7
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    You deserve better from a partner. He has not dealt with his past and hopefully he will someday.

    I suggest you get counseling and move on from him. There is no future.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    He also has not dealt with HIS past as he has no compassion.
    ^This OP. He has some serious issues and the best thing you can do is walk away from a person who has zero compassion for you.

    You are not ever obligated to share something so traumatic or discuss it with an SO, unless and until you are ready and truly want to. You didn't lie to him, you have an absolute right to your privacy.

    He walked away because he has some major unresolved demons from his own past haunting him and there is nothing you can do to fix that. It's not about you, it's about him.

    What you can do is get some counseling for yourself to help you with your depression and dealing with your own past trauma as well as this break up. The only one you can fix is yourself.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    This guy has some major issues and you should just leave it be. He needs to sort himself out and you really need to sort yourself out. You should get some therapy to work thru this, it's been too long and you shouldn't go thru your life with this affecting you so much.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Stay away from people like him....whatever the reason he is being this way, it's not your issue to solve. Find a therapist that specializes in trauma therapy. Obviously you suffer from PTSD, and it won't get any better for you unless you seek out professional help. There are therapists available for facetime sessions so it can be more convenient/easier to get help. In the meantime, post here if you want to talk about anything.

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