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Thread: Feeling like I got played and really depressed

  1. #11
    Forum Supporter
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    A number of things:

    that evening he facetimed me from one of his shows and performed a song for me, and after the show he called me and we talked for an hour or so.
    he told me he prefers casual as it is just easier and he rarely likes people.....a few days later he told me he liked me and we admitted we both had feelings.
    So then he basically said if we don't meet it is pointless to keep talking as we are drawing out emotions and not knowing when we could meet with covid being around as we just don't know when things will be better.
    1. He was straight-forward with you about preferring casual encounters.

    2. He wants to meet you but you, because he's exposed to so many people, don't want to risk it. You guys aren't seeing eye to eye.

    3. He spoke to you for 4 hours straight every day. He's interested in getting to know you for sure, as no one does that just because. On top of that, he face-times you during his performance and, afterwards, speaks to you on the phone for an hour or so. That's fantastic! However, you want to video-chat again the next day. Even though he already told you that video chats are awkward.

    4. For some people all this texting and talking is too much too soon and it scares them away. My guess as to why "then he ended up telling me I was being needy and stuff".

    5. Men move towards that which feels good and away from that which doesn't.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    IMO, he said all that ( had feelings) so he could get with you.
    No, one does not gain real feelings that way...

    Let it go.. this one is not for you..sorry :(

    Yah.. expect much like this from men.

    Move on .. things will get better. His loss ;)

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Originally Posted by quarantinee
    I get what you are saying, but he was telling me he hasn't felt like dating someone for years but with me he did, so seemed like a liar.
    And maybe he is a liar, or maybe he was really impressed by the woman. The point is you canít really get to know someone through the phone. Only ample time spent together in person will give you a true sense of who someone really is. Until then, itís essentially just words.

    You therefore also have to avoid putting so much weight on the concept of ďfeelingsĒ when youíve never met. He was interested in getting to know you and liked what he could gather about you, but that only goes so far. With no idea when you can meet, I donít blame him for wanting to cut this off. Youíre smart to avoid it when your health is at risk, but you have to be realistic that most people arenít going to wait around indefinitely. He warned you that he was losing interest in this digital relationship and was talking to other women. That was your cue to walk away.

    In short, I donít think you got played but I think he got tired of waiting and moved on.

  4. #14
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Originally Posted by quarantinee
    - He is a musician though and they have a reputation but I didn't want to be judgmental. Anyway, we talked about ex's and stuff and he told me he prefers casual as it is just easier and he rarely likes people...
    - He also did random things like send me a screen shot of a woman he was having a convo with on Bumble...
    - Anyway, then he ended up telling me I was being needy and stuff...I noticed he posted an instagram story from a girl at the show he had performed the night he videod himself performing for me... she obviously connected with him that night and is visiting from out of state...
    - Today he posted a picture at a restaurant and this girl who vidoed him was tagged in it, so they are obviously out together.
    This guy sounds like he is playing the musician stereotype perfectly. He's also doing things to deliberately wind you up, gaslighting you and throwing what he's getting up to with other women in your face. You don't have a relationship with this guy, your health means it would be unwise to start anything up with him, so quit being in contact with him because his values do not match yours and it sounds like a recipe for disaster.


  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Try to cut off all contact. It's tempting when isolated to want to have people to talk to.

    However getting attached to a cyberromance can be emotionally exhausting and disappointing.

    It doesn't matter whatever else he's doing and whoever else he's seeing.

    What matters is finding better ways to cope with loneliness.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Originally Posted by quarantinee
    I get what you are saying, but he was telling me he hasn't felt like dating someone for years but with me he did, so seemed like a liar.
    Not a liar -he may have felt that way when he said it and he wasn't dating you so "feeling like dating someone" is broad and vague -I can feel like dating a radio personality I like and tell someone that and all it means is I felt that way that day. Or that hour. Today is National Cupcake Day from what I hear. I feel strongly that I want a cupcake - in fact I would tell anyone right now who asked me and I've never gone out and just gotten one because I wanted one -especially on a Sunday morning. But if I said to a person "I want a cupcake - I will meet you at [store] in 20 minutes and I'll get you a cupcake too -I really want one!!" and then I didn't show up I'd be lying. But saying that I really want a cupcake and haven't wanted one in a long time is just expressing my feelings. Doesn't mean I'm going to act on them.
    Watch the feet -what a person does, not the lips. A person who wants to act on the feeling of wanting to date you will ask you out on a date - time and place - and show up for the date. When the person asks you out and shows up you will know he wants to go on a date with you.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    You over-invested in a stranger. This guy was never a good fit, yet you continued. Next time, don't waste so much time on someone you are not able to meet up with and wants casual.

    Remember this: "he told me he prefers casual as it is just easier." He was following through with his word.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 10-18-2020 at 10:36 AM.

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