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Thread: In between my partner and my family

  1. #11
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    He is definitely isolating you.
    He is complaining about the family EVEN THOUGH you stopped seeing them/contacting them for a few months.
    If it was truly a legit conflict with the family, things would have gotten better, not worse - the family is not even around and he is smacktalking them.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    I don't see what was mentioned by your family as a MAJOR issue, BUT your bf may have seen it as an attack?
    And maybe feels like he was cornered some way..?

    But, one thing YOU should never do, is disown you family for your bf's reactions :(.

    One thing many will see, if this happens- and should you break up, that no matter what, our family will always be there.. partners, not always- for the long haul.

    So, reverse all of this, and he needs to see that he can NOT break the bond you have with your own family.

    So, consider now to tackle this issue. Communicate with him.. IF he is choosing to pull away like this on you where you get NO affection- then is he finished?

    As for your family, I suggest you do not continue with this reaction, but be there for them.. with them.
    Dont let a BF ever come between you's :(.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Dinogogurt
    Thank you for your advice, he is 35. He doesnít have any addictions that i know of. He has not been physically abusive other than pushing me around one time. Now I understand he has been very controlling to the point were i have stopped talking to the few friends i had. I have dealt with him accusing me of sleeping with everyone and specifically an older man from my old job. All without any proof or reason. You are spot on when you say he will change his behavior for a bit because thatís exactly what he did last time i told him i was leaving. He began to act differently and accused me of giving up on our relationship. He accused me of breaking his heart and that the house would be empty without me. This is so painful since i had so many plans for our future im at a point were i dont even have strength to fight him back
    Read this:
    From the outside, people may look into abusive relationships and wonder how the victim stuck around for so long. One of the answers is something called "trauma bonding."

    Manipulative, abusive people tend to be cruel to their partners, and hurl insults at them. They sometimes are also physically violent. However, they didn't start off this way when they were reeling in their victim.

    Manipulators also give their partners intermittent periods of love and compliments to get them to stick around. These moments are given when the partner has "behaved" or has done something right. It's a way of being conditioned, and the victim gets biologically addicted to the emotional push and pull.


    2. Manipulative people are masters of smoke and mirrors. If you are their target, they will have intensely studied you, and will know all of your strengths and weaknesses.

    These are the tools they need to know how to wind you up. Often, they will also accuse you of the very things they have done themselves. For example, if they have cheated on you, they may accuse you of being unfaithful. If they are constantly cancelling your plans, they might tell you you're guilty of not giving them any freedom.

    Confusing their partner and making them emotional makes manipulative people feel victorious.

    Ultimately, to a manipulator, everything is a game. The only way to get out of the game is to leave the relationship and establish no contact. In a work environment, you have to learn to not hold them accountable or to expect apologies. When they learn they can't rile you up, they will move on.

    3. Manipulators do not like losing. If you take a step back, or you leave a relationship with them, they will beg for a second chance if they think they can still gain something from you.

    They are likely to give the fight of their life to keep you around. They might tell you how they will change, or how you will never find someone who loves you as much as them. However, all the promises are empty, and it's not in your best interests to get back with them out of fear.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    No one should stay in an abusive controlling relationship with someone who tries to isolate the victim.
    🤯
    I suggested that the OP (original poster) can attempt to salvage his relationship with his partner before calling it quits. If reasoning with his partner and his family fails, then by all means dissolve the relationship with his partner and move on. Some people can change whereas others are irreparable. Hopefully, his partner is the former and not the latter. I hope it works out for you and your partner, Dinogogurt and if not, you tried and you're better off without your partner in your life. Good riddance to him!

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    People who stay in abusive relationships think just like this. The other person will change. It's unclear why you think it's 2 men.
    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    can attempt to salvage his relationship with his partner before calling it quits. If reasoning with his partner and his family fails, then by all means dissolve the relationship with his partner and move on. Some people can change

  7. #16
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    Your family is spot-on about this guy, OP.

    Him shoving is physical abuse.

    He's isolated you from your friends and now he's trying to do it with your family, too.

    This is abuse. Don't attempt to save this - just get out.

  8. 10-18-2020, 03:01 PM

  9. 10-18-2020, 03:33 PM
    Reason
    Refers to deleted post.

  10. #17
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    People who stay in abusive relationships think just like this. The other person will change. It's unclear why you think it's 2 men.
    If discussing this with the partner fails, then by all means dissolve and exit the relationship so you can move on, heal and recover. I don't care what the gender is. If partners are incompatible, then the relationship is a failure and it's best to go your separate ways -- permanently.

  11. #18
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    Do not think for even a minute that you deserve how he treats you. People like this work their way up with the abuse, so it happens to the best of us, including me. I would reach out to your family, let them know what is happening, and ask to stay until you can get back on your own feet. And call your friends, and apologize - I guarantee they saw it too, but didn't want to cause a rift, but would help you in a second. This guy is not a good person.

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