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Thread: Falling for him and complicated

  1. #61
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    Originally Posted by parisiangurl
    I didn't give him my pin number to my phone. I thought he liked me thinner the way I am. Yeah I feel self conscious now about my body because I thought he liked me at my current weight ugh. If it's just sex he should not be asking for these things right? He asked me if I told my friends about him and was disappointed that I hadn't told them.
    He shouldn't be asking for things even if it were not just about sex. That's what you're not getting. The things you describe have no place in a healthy relationship.

    This man pushed the envelope to see what he could get away with. He no doubt sensed that you don't have firm boundaries and he wanted to see what you would be willing to do. He's a creep. He's zeroed in you for specific reasons, and I fear that they're not flattering ones.

    And yes, please do tell your friends about him. They might be able to help you better identify bad seeds in the future and encourage you to stay away from them, as you seem unable to see red flags on your own. You mentioned earlier that you dated your in 20s, but given that you're 49 now, what has happened in the intervening years that you haven't had relationships in so long? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #62
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Yes, talk to your friends about it. I'm sure you are a together person in many ways, but your friends are there because they love you, not because they expect you to be perfect. I think you already know this has got out of hand, and you could use your friends support.

  3. Yesterday, 02:05 PM


  4. #63
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    He shouldn't be asking for things even if it were not just about sex. That's what you're not getting. The things you describe have no place in a healthy relationship.

    This man pushed the envelope to see what he could get away with. He no doubt sensed that you don't have firm boundaries and he wanted to see what you would be willing to do. He's a creep. He's zeroed in you for specific reasons, and I fear that they're not flattering ones.

    And yes, please do tell your friends about him. They might be able to help you better identify bad seeds in the future and encourage you to stay away from them, as you seem unable to see red flags on your own. You mentioned earlier that you dated your in 20s, but given that you're 49 now, what has happened in the intervening years that you haven't had relationships in so long?
    To be honest I have told him no about somethings and changed my mind to give into what he wants. I was in a 9yrs live in relationship that ended badly. And decided to be single up until now. He has no right to ask for anything I get it.

  5. #64
    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    Yes, talk to your friends about it. I'm sure you are a together person in many ways, but your friends are there because they love you, not because they expect you to be perfect. I think you already know this has got out of hand, and you could use your friends support.
    I did tell a girlfriend about him today. She said I should just take care of me and handle my business not to worry about him. I didn't expect to get feelings for him and becoming attached.

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  7. #65
    Silver Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    Take a step back from a moment and try to look at this as if your friend was the one in the relationship. What would you tell her?

    1. You admit to being emotionally attached and wanted more.
    2. He believe you "can't ever please a woman" and says he doesn't want more.
    3. He accuses you of only wanting sex, yet he never turns down that sex. And if he doesn't want more, then what is this but a friendship with sex? You are the one with the extra feelings, yet he is ignoring those feelings and making accusations.
    4. He gets upset over soda? Then makes it about sex? Doesn't sound too mature.
    5. You say he is bitter towards women.
    6. He is telling you how you should look - weight, clothes, etc. That's controlling.
    7. When you do tell him no, he doesn't listen and you give in. Again, controlling.
    8. Asking for your pin number? He doesn't want to get serious, but he's trying to get personal information. Again, controlling.

    None of this sounds like a healthy relationship. It's causing you a lot of anxiety. You are going over every little thing in your mind, trying to figure out why he does it and how you can change things. But you can't change him if that is who he is. A relationship should not be causing you this much agony. Someone who really cares would not put you through all this. They would be treating you as an equal, working with you to make sure you are both getting what you need from it. He seems like he has issues to work out, especially regarding women. He isn't going to give you the serious relationship you want. So you need to step away for your own health. Right now he is a drug that is only going to do you more harm.

    There's nothing wrong with liking someone younger. There is nothing wrong with liking someone more dominant. But a true "alpha male" knows how to and when to be loving as well. He is supportive and kind. He is reassuring and trusts the women he is with. That is what separates real men from those that are just jerks. This person is being the jerk, trying to control everything and getting mad at you over nothing. Please, don't continue.

  8. #66
    Originally Posted by ShySoul
    Take a step back from a moment and try to look at this as if your friend was the one in the relationship. What would you tell her?

    1. You admit to being emotionally attached and wanted more.
    2. He believe you "can't ever please a woman" and says he doesn't want more.
    3. He accuses you of only wanting sex, yet he never turns down that sex. And if he doesn't want more, then what is this but a friendship with sex? You are the one with the extra feelings, yet he is ignoring those feelings and making accusations.
    4. He gets upset over soda? Then makes it about sex? Doesn't sound too mature.
    5. You say he is bitter towards women.
    6. He is telling you how you should look - weight, clothes, etc. That's controlling.
    7. When you do tell him no, he doesn't listen and you give in. Again, controlling.
    8. Asking for your pin number? He doesn't want to get serious, but he's trying to get personal information. Again, controlling.

    None of this sounds like a healthy relationship. It's causing you a lot of anxiety. You are going over every little thing in your mind, trying to figure out why he does it and how you can change things. But you can't change him if that is who he is. A relationship should not be causing you this much agony. Someone who really cares would not put you through all this. They would be treating you as an equal, working with you to make sure you are both getting what you need from it. He seems like he has issues to work out, especially regarding women. He isn't going to give you the serious relationship you want. So you need to step away for your own health. Right now he is a drug that is only going to do you more harm.

    There's nothing wrong with liking someone younger. There is nothing wrong with liking someone more dominant. But a true "alpha male" knows how to and when to be loving as well. He is supportive and kind. He is reassuring and trusts the women he is with. That is what separates real men from those that are just jerks. This person is being the jerk, trying to control everything and getting mad at you over nothing. Please, don't continue.
    No he doesn't turn down the sex. But yes accuses me of only being in to him for the sex. The last time we had sex he said he wanted to bond with me. Yes I didn't think about him wanting a soda because I think of him as just sex he said it under his breath. Yes he gets upset if I wear my hair up and will take it down things like that. He told me that he needs to be in control always. But he doesn't think that he's dominant I asked him the last time we were together. Yes he wanted my pin number to look in my phone. He has no right too I get it wants to snoop like he's my boyfriend right? He told me age is not a issue earlier. I get the idea that maybe he's been talking about me to someone. I am freaking out actually because I wonder what he's doing in between getting together. Lots of anxiety wondering what he's going to say and do next.

  9. #67
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by parisiangurl
    Yes he gets upset if I wear my hair up and will take it down things like that. He told me that he needs to be in control always.

    Lots of anxiety wondering what he's going to say and do next.
    You don't find any of the above (and all of his other weird behaviour) disturbing in any way? Serious question.

    If you already have so much anxiety about him what exactly makes you want him? It makes no sense whatsoever. That kind of anxiety would be a massive warning sign to most women and make them head in the opposite direction. So much of this entire saga makes no sense.

  10. #68
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    So much of this entire saga makes no sense.
    ...other than to keep this thread going on endlessly.

    We've seen this movie before.

  11. #69
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    There's no question. There's one line texts about him and her affair with a much younger guy and thier BDSM fantasies.

  12. #70
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    Sounds like you're taking the passive way out as if feelings are a car wash and you didn't expect it so now you just have to go with the feelings. Nope. You're an adult woman . There are many many times you don't expect to feel a certain way because we can't control our feelings. You have control over your reactions. Don't play the "I'm a wilting flower of emotions and I can't help myself but let this man control me." That's a silly game you're playing with yourself. You get to choose the reaction to now feeling emotionally attached. What is your choice? You can help yourself. You have to want to, you have to implement. It's not easy but yes it is that simple once you stop the whole cop out approach.

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