Morleymew Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 So I just left a really awesome guy, he has caring, loving and attentive to me. That was never the problem, the problem was that he lied from the very beginning about how involved his ex wife is in his life. I helped him pick a house to move into in my city - thinking we’d be moving in together. Instead he informs me that his ex-wife will be moving in. He didn’t consult with me, or made sure I was okay with it and made the decision behind my back. So not only did he lie to me, he deferred to his ex and actually took her side against me all the time. Needless to say, I broke it off pretty quickly. The worst part about this break up Is He kept showing up at my work, my apartment, my parents house to “get me back” and I almost fell For it except he blames me for the downfall of it. “I couldn’t accept his relationship with his wife. I destroyed our love etc etc” Anyway it was all very messed up... but how do I now feel like the bad guy? Did I overreact? Like honestly maybe this all wasn’t so bad. I’m very confused and sad. I miss him but I also know it was kind of a messed up situation. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 So I just left a really awesome guy, he has caring, loving and attentive to me. That was never the problem, the problem was that he lied from the very beginning about how involved his ex wife is in his life. I helped him pick a house to move into in my city - thinking we’d be moving in together. Instead he informs me that his ex-wife will be moving in. He didn’t consult with me, or made sure I was okay with it and made the decision behind my back. You now know that this was an act. This dude sounds rather unglued and incredibly devious. You were wise to break up with him - he is not awesome. Far from it. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 Never get involved with married people. Get a restraining order if he is harassing you and your family. The worst part about this break up Is He kept showing up at my work, my apartment, my parents house to “get me back” and I almost fell For it except he blames me for the downfall of it. “I couldn’t accept his relationship with his wife. I destroyed our love etc et . Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 " I just left a really awesome guy, he has caring, loving and attentive to me." Huh!? He cheated on you the entire time. He used you? What are you not getting! You really need to wake up! Did you also give him money? Did you meet the wife? I think you need to stay from dating for a long while. Why haven't you blocked and deleted this creep? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 Are you his and his wife's realtor? Why would you help a married man "find a house"? Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 Wake up! The guy is a liar and a cheat! He fooled you and took advantage of you. You were smart to tell him to hit the road. Block and delete him from contacting you and if you have to, get a restraining order so he cant pester you. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 When you first met this guy, was one of your first questions to him, "How long has it been since your last breakup?" How much did you actively learn about his breakup, his divorce and his current position with his ex? This isn't about blame, it's about responsible protection of ourselves from dating anyone who's rebounding from their last relationship. My private rule is that I won't involve myself with anyone who is still involved with an ex, in any way shape or form, beyond shared children. You're learning WHY. Head high, take the pearls out of a lesson learned and apply it to your dating life as you move forward. Looking back on anyone who's still involved with an ex is a waste of your time and energy. Avoid that mistake, and you'll thank yourself later. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 You're right.. it is messed up :/ You are right for doing what you did- Get out of it all- for your own mentality! Ex-boyfriend moved into a house with his Ex-wife - Leave him to it! You're done. Link to comment
Morleymew Posted October 17, 2020 Author Share Posted October 17, 2020 To my knowledge he never cheated with her. They were divorced. But he clearly was very connected with her. When I met him I asked a lot about her and it was always that she wasn’t apart of his life. I did meet her - she was very unstable. Never gave him money and have blocked and deleted him hence why he showed up places. Link to comment
Morleymew Posted October 17, 2020 Author Share Posted October 17, 2020 100% Lesson completely learned! Link to comment
waffle Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 So I just left a really awesome guy, he has caring, loving and attentive to me. That was never the problem, the problem was that he lied from the very beginning about how involved his ex wife is in his life. I helped him pick a house to move into in my city - thinking we’d be moving in together. Instead he informs me that his ex-wife will be moving in. He didn’t consult with me, or made sure I was okay with it and made the decision behind my back. So not only did he lie to me, he deferred to his ex and actually took her side against me all the time. Needless to say, I broke it off pretty quickly. The worst part about this break up Is He kept showing up at my work, my apartment, my parents house to “get me back” and I almost fell For it . . . Anyway it was all very messed up... but how do I now feel like the bad guy? Did I overreact? Like honestly maybe this all wasn’t so bad. I’m very confused and sad. I miss him but I also know it was kind of a messed up situation. This is how it typically happens when you have the self-respect to not put up with this nonsense, they resort to full-chase mode. You absolutely, totally, 100% did the right thing. Do not second-guess yourself. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 TThey were divorced. But he clearly was very connected with her. [...] I did meet her ... When someone is still involved with an ex, what should that tell you? Being positioned at all to meet her was another huge red flag. This isn't about blame, so quit that. It's about learning: do not to date men who are still involved with an ex. PERIOD. His opinions about you are manipulative and irrelevant. He never should have been in your life, so he doesn't get a vote. Link to comment
Willowgirl55 Posted October 19, 2020 Share Posted October 19, 2020 Oh dear...you will NEVER come first over his x. I lived this life for 10 years with a man who still loved his x. Please please do yourself a favor and detach yourself from it all. Please...you owe it to yourself to pull away. It will only get worse. There are too many people in your relationship. I'm free to chat ! Link to comment
Morleymew Posted October 19, 2020 Author Share Posted October 19, 2020 Yeah i see that now, there’s so much more to it too... like obviously I didn’t put the whole story on here. But yeah I told him all the time that I felt like a third wheel and his reply was always “you’re letting yourself feel that way” - it was rough. Obviously didn’t stay in the relationship long... yet I’m still upset over it! Link to comment
No1 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Here is my two cents. You were a physical replacement for his X. He still has a love for her and he took that love and projected it onto you. He didn't want to be alone and you fit what he needed. Was or is this your fault? Nope. Could you of done anything different to change the outcome? Not at all. Were you duped? Absolutely. The point is that its not your fault. Don't think that you should have any guilt for rejecting him. Or think you were the bad guy or think anything like that. You were fooled and that's okay to admit. I think at some point most of us has been fooled by someone and you will notice that life does move on. What you should do is look back and think that you were a great GF to this guy, you were supportive, loving, you were there when he needed you and it was his loss that he screwed it up. Any guy (who is not still hooked on their X) would be lucky to have you with them. This guy deserves to be with his X and just think, there is a reason why they are Xs, so their re-relationship will be short lived. Hey, she could be playing him for all you know.. This guy has to be told to lose your number. You wont be calling him or darkening his doors ever again. You will find someone worthy of you Link to comment
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