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Thread: Co worker is putting me in awkward position

  1. #21
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    The tension at work is what HE is doing!
    The annoying idiot is clueless :/.

    I thought you have told him - multiple times.. you are not available? He should accept that & leave you alone.

    This is what he is clearly saying, IMO..
    he needs a woman

    He plain out, just needs a woman. ( I guess he is lonely & desperate.. sad, sad man ).

    But YOU are good to stand your ground.. I agree. Work is work.. I never got involved with co-workers either!

    Be honest and be blunt . He is not for you.

    I also suggest, if he doesn't stop- to inform the boss/manager that he is ongoing making YOU feel awkward there, and you are just trying to do your job- thats it.

  2. #22
    Member MrsWise's Avatar
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    I will stop buying his food and laughing at his comments and halt them going forward. I also want to add that he has asked me point blank if I will date him if I was single before. I told him no because I'm against dating co workers because it changes the work place environment and if something happens then you're forced to see that person and I don't want tension at work. He said he understand and see what i mean and back off for a while. Which is true especially considering that fact I've been with the company for 8 years, have build up my senority and have medical benefits. So quitting is not an option which why I try to avoid office romance like plaque

  3. #23
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Saying you won't date him because he's a coworker implies you WOULD date him if he wasn't a coworker. See how he interprets that?

    Say "no, I am not interested in dating you" without any qualifiers.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It seems like you are quite flattered and enjoy all the attention. This has nothing to do with seniority or medical benefits.

    It seems you may not want to date him but you enjoy flirting and the attention. You don't have to shut this down, but having the office wolf after you is not great gossip for the office.

    Why don't you have a bf or date? Why make up stories or be coy about things?
    Originally Posted by MrsWise
    I will stop buying his food and laughing at his comments and halt them going forward.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Member MrsWise's Avatar
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    I do not enjoy the attention, I usually just find it easier to say I'm not available or don't date co workers which is true than outright saying i'm not interested in dating you. And this usually work in other cases and some men back off and leave it alone. it's not comfortable having a conversation like that for me if i don't have to, so I usually try that and if doesn't work then outright reject them which isn't fun for me. which i have to do in the case unfortunately

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by MrsWise
    I do not enjoy the attention, I usually just find it easier to say I'm not available or don't date co workers which is true than outright saying i'm not interested in dating you. And this usually work in other cases and some men back off and leave it alone. it's not comfortable having a conversation like that for me if i don't have to, so I usually try that and if doesn't work then outright reject them which isn't fun for me. which i have to do in the case unfortunately
    But you have to outright say it at this point. There is nothing else you ca do. I get rejecting him is not fun, but you could say "i only date guys that are x age," and if he's older or younger, he will try to show you why guys his age are something you are missing out on. If you tell him you don't date coworkers, he will hang on until you quit or he gets another job. Don't talk to him at work. Be busy. And if he brings up the subject again, tell him, no, you will never date him and if he needs to find a woman look somewhere else for one.

    I would NOT let him walk you to your car, and make sure he is NOT following you.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member notalady's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MrsWise
    I will stop buying his food and laughing at his comments and halt them going forward. I also want to add that he has asked me point blank if I will date him if I was single before. I told him no because I'm against dating co workers because it changes the work place environment and if something happens then you're forced to see that person and I don't want tension at work. He said he understand and see what i mean and back off for a while. Which is true especially considering that fact I've been with the company for 8 years, have build up my senority and have medical benefits. So quitting is not an option which why I try to avoid office romance like plaque
    Since polite communication hasnít worked in the past, I would certainly threaten to go to HR if he does it again, and make it clear that youíve said it several times repeatedly in the past to stop, if he doesnít you will go to HR and you will be putting this in writing (in an email) to document this. And do go to HR if he continues.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MrsWise
    I will stop buying his food and laughing at his comments and halt them going forward. I also want to add that he has asked me point blank if I will date him if I was single before. I told him no because I'm against dating co workers because it changes the work place environment and if something happens then you're forced to see that person and I don't want tension at work. He said he understand and see what i mean and back off for a while. Which is true especially considering that fact I've been with the company for 8 years, have build up my senority and have medical benefits. So quitting is not an option which why I try to avoid office romance like plaque
    The good news is that you have an 8 year rep with your company. If he flirts again, warn him that it makes you uncomfortable and to please stop--then document the day you've told him this.

    From there, if he does it again, quit dealing with this on your own. You've EARNED an 8 year foundation for your HR department to take such a complaint seriously without doubting you in the least.

    So if the guy won't quit, let them do what they're paid for.

  10. #29
    Silver Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Saying you won't date him because he's a coworker implies you WOULD date him if he wasn't a coworker. See how he interprets that?

    Say "no, I am not interested in dating you" without any qualifiers.
    But they are co-workers, so what she would do if they weren't shouldn't be a factor in his mind. She has said she is not interested, for whatever reason, so he should be respecting her and backing off. If he isn't that's on him. Most guys would see that and realize that she's trying to be polite and let you down easy. It's not leading him on, it trying to reject someone in a nice way without making it too awkward. She has no control over what he thinks/wants to believe she is saying.

    Unfortunately, he is choosing to not listen and is seeing things that are not there. So the only alternative is to be firm and let him no, absolutely, that she is not interested and that his behavior towards her is uncalled for.

  11. #30
    Silver Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MrsWise
    I do not enjoy the attention, I usually just find it easier to say I'm not available or don't date co workers which is true than outright saying i'm not interested in dating you. And this usually work in other cases and some men back off and leave it alone. it's not comfortable having a conversation like that for me if i don't have to, so I usually try that and if doesn't work then outright reject them which isn't fun for me. which i have to do in the case unfortunately
    Hey, most guys would understand what you were saying. Conversations about outright rejections are uncomfortable on both sides. There's nothing wrong with your approach. Unfortunately, some guys have trouble getting the message. They need the blunt rejection for it to stick. Sorry you are going through this and I hope it can finally stick in his brain that you are not interested.

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