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Thread: Co worker is putting me in awkward position

  1. #11
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    After stating numerous times that you're "not interested" it appears you continue to engage in conversations and keep him within arms reach, so to speak.

    I'm sorry, but you're playing directly into his hand, therefore you're allowing these advances. In short, it's time to own your part in this.

  2. #12
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    You can buy food from other businesses. Do not buy from him again, because any contact aside on what is necessary for work is showing interest in his eyes.

    Is this a big corporate office or a small place of business? Do you HAVE to talk to him to do your job? (are you on the same collaborating team or do you report to one another?).

  3. #13
    Member MrsWise's Avatar
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    Thank you guys for your response and insights. I do agree that I'm not being firm with him and being more firm will get him to back off as he's clearly not getting the hint. However, i do not think I've encouraged him either because any contact he has tried to initiate that isn't work related I've ignored. at some point he sent flirty texts to which I ignored and he hasn't tried to contact me outside work since i never encourage it when he tried. As far as his business goes, he cooks and sells meals as side hastle every now and then usually announce it other co workers as well. so who ever is interested he will prepare something for them at work along with mine so this exchange took place at work. Except for one time when i didn't have cash on me and he suggested I pay him using E transfer so I had to message him asking for his email so i can process the payment and the exchange was strictly business. Then after he confirmed that he received the payment , he thanked me. Which was followed by him calling me to which I ignored

    As far as his personal life goes, I found out through a grapevine. His ex wife also works for the same company but different departments. I don't really engage in personal conversations with him. The only thing he has told me that is now single and gave me his number. But I told him that I'm not single and never called him and he said he understands.. then backed off for a while but has continued holding up hope. And at some point ignored the fact that I told him that I'm not single. The flirty comments he makes at work every now and then I usually just laugh them off as joke or change the subject.At some point he stops making flirtly comments or try to get with me and seem to be given up then it starts again so yes, I know that I need to be firm and he is taking my politeness as maybe or i might change my mind later

  4. #14
    Member MrsWise's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    You can buy food from other businesses. Do not buy from him again, because any contact aside on what is necessary for work is showing interest in his eyes.

    Is this a big corporate office or a small place of business? Do you HAVE to talk to him to do your job? (are you on the same collaborating team or do you report to one another?).
    it's big cooperation and we work in the same related departments where I have to talk to him for work related

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  6. #15
    Silver Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    You've handled this in the mature, polite manner. You've asked him nicely to stop and said you were not interested. Most people would have gotten the hint by now. Unfortunately, he is refusing to listen. While it's uncomfortable, the only thing to do is be firm and put your foot down. You need to make it absolutely clear, in no uncertain terms, that you are not interested nor will you become interested. He needs to hear that his behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. If it continues, it could be considered harassment and I think it would be fair to warn him that HR could get involved. Hopefully that won't be needed, but at least put the fear into him. From there, avoid him unless it's work related and then keep it strictly business. Cut off any chit-chat should it start. Make him see that you aren't interested in anything beyond the bare minimum needed to do the job. Anything more and he'll likely keep taking it as a sign to pursue you again.

    Sorry you are going through this. Hope he can let this go and let you have some peace.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She did not tell him to stop, she told him she was seeing someone at the moment. That's the problem. Leading him on and encouraging his attention.

    You can't run to HR with false accusations.
    Originally Posted by ShySoul
    You've asked him nicely to stop and said you were not interested.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    She did not tell him to stop, she told him she was seeing someone at the moment. That's the problem. Leading him on and encouraging his attention.

    You can't run to HR with false accusations.
    I agree. She also should not have been buying products, i don't care what others were doing.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member notalady's Avatar
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    I think he thinks because you said you’re not single and seem friendly when he tries to flirt (by laughing / not acting offended), he thinks if you were single he would have a chance.

    Definitely time to act outwardly offended when he tried to flirt and tell him that is not appropriate and you will go to HR if he does it again at or outside of work.

    Also being polite (as women tend to be even when the other person is making them uncomfortable, ESPECIALLY when the other person makes them uncomfortable), you might try to apologise for “misleading” him or giving him the wrong impression or haven’t been more firm. Don’t. That just gives him more reason to think he wasn’t in the wrong in continuously coming on to you. Just say stop, no more. And leave it at that.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    "This is inappropriate and I need you to stop. If you don't respect my wishes I will have no choice but to escalate to HR."

    No more laughing. Laughing implies you think his behavior is cute or fun.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    The flirty comments he makes at work every now and then I usually just laugh them off as joke or change the subject.
    Stop laughing them off. Halt the convo and say, "That makes me uncomfortable, please stop."

    Avoid any convo beyond business, and stop buying stuff from the guy.

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