Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 18 of 18

Thread: What should I say?

  1. #11
    Bronze Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    US
    Age
    34
    Posts
    104
    Gender
    Female
    With the kids, if your mom wants to legally adopt them or go through the process of having it determined your aunt/uncle are unfit parents due to neglect, that's another route - albeit a long, drawn out annoying and drama-filled one.

    We almost did that... one of my cousins kept popping out babies with different fathers and then she literally ran away for a couple of years (long story there... ). My husband and I asked our aunt if we could adopt her 3 girls since we were married and didn't have kids yet (I think I was 22 or 23). We loved them so much and they were really hurting, and none of other family members really seemed committed to giving them a good stable life, but my aunt just wouldn't let us, and ended up kind of bouncing them around from relative to relative until their mom came back a couple of years later. I still think of them fairly often, but I can only control my own life/decisions.

    But your mom has to decide for herself if she wants to take care of these kids, because obviously your aunt/uncle really don't want to. She could suggest they live with her a couple of years and look at it as though she's giving them a gift of a better life (even though they may not realize it yet or appreciate it until adulthood), or she could even suggest full adoption if they'd ever agree to it. Most people probably wouldn't, because it's humiliating for them to admit their ty parents and to let someone else get the credit for raising their kids because they're too selfish.

  2. #12
    Bronze Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    US
    Age
    34
    Posts
    104
    Gender
    Female
    yikes... I meant it's humiliating for them to admit *they're* sh*tty parents ...

    Your mom has 3 options I can see (maybe someone else can see another)

    1) Keep the kids for as long as she can, and look at it as helping them (and that being the thanks/gift itself - she shouldn't expect to be appreciated appropriately for this) This would be very hard with the oldest having behavior problems. She may never be able to help that child overcome it, but she could try.

    2) Or she could try to go through adoption process to legally adopt them (drama filled and could possibly force the aunt/uncle to feel like they *have* to take them back into a very bad life - this could backfire for those kids in that way)

    3) Or she could send them back to the parents and try not to care what happens. They aren't her responsibility or yours. She can report the parents for neglect and try to get them into foster care, but that could make the kids' lives way worse. Obviously this would only work if it wouldn't harm her conscience in feeling guilty for this. She has to choose what she can live with and not regret.

    If it were me I'd probably do option 1 ... I think i'd only do 2 if I could be certain it would work out well.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,408
    You’re not a victim and have allowed all of this. I cannot fathom why you did not move out on your own years ago. This mess is of your own doing.

    Time to grow up and become independent!

  4. #14
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,802
    Gender
    Female
    I'm with Hollyj. Nobody can take advantage of you without your permission. It's time you got your own place, paid your own way, stop doing so many things for others. You are a big girl now. Find your own apt. and move in and move on.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,408
    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    I'm with Hollyj. Nobody can take advantage of you without your permission. It's time you got your own place, paid your own way, stop doing so many things for others. You are a big girl now. Find your own apt. and move in and move on.
    Yup! Need to put on those "big girl" pants!

  7. #16
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    2,329
    Gender
    Female
    Time to stop taking care of these people and take care of yourself, and get your own life. I understand this is all you have known, and you feel obligated in some way to be care giver......but you are missing out on having your own life! I hope you can cut the apron stings and be free to do things for you...just think about it....wouldn't it be nice not to answer to anyone?

  8. #17
    Gold Member ShySoul's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Where love guides our hearts and actions
    Age
    37
    Posts
    5,324
    Gender
    Male
    You're in a frustrating spot. You should be commended for enduring as much as you have and still caring about them and helping out. But you should not have to be their babysitter. Honestly, they sound like spoiled children while you are being the adult. You don't have to, and should not, take it. You can do so much more with your life, so many great things. Don't let them bring you down or stop you from pursuing what you really want.

    I also agree with maritalbliss86, I'm concerned for how the children will turn out. They shouldn't have to deal with your Aunt and Uncle either. If you can find a way to keep them with your mother as long as possible, it would probably be good. They need a more stable environment then they would be getting at home.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    23,294
    Gender
    Female
    Decide how important your belongings are to you, and go back there to tend to those if they are important enough.

    If not, then focus on your plan for your own future and put it into place.

    It makes no sense to stress about those who you can't control, so control yourself and your own course. Period.

    Depersonalize the behavior of others. Their care for you is demonstrated by behavior, not words, and you already know that your Aunt's investment in you is as sincere as it is in anyone or anything else--so don't pretend horror at her lack reliability.

    You will thank yourself later for that.

    Head high, and enjoy the liberation of never 'shoulding' on anyone else.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •