Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: Love or Pity?❤💔

  1. #1

    Love or Pity?❤💔

    This one is going to be a long story so buckle up!!

    My life has been a bit of a whirlwind, I'm in my early 20s and everything was going smoothly, career started doing well and then I was diagnosed with a potentially terminal illness. Normal life of hanging out with friends, parties, getting promoted quickly turned into hospital visits hooked up to IV and living on a oxygen concentrator. I've had relationships before, but once this happened I kind of figured nobody would EVER be interested in someone like me.

    But then I met this guy. We were introduced through a programme that was designed to help people out of disadvantaged situations (his family run it).

    First time I saw him, he was a total jerk. Up himself, arrogant and only had time for people who were rich, healthy and living that 'perfect' life just like him. He looked at me like he hated me with vengeance, it was very weird. But his mum was lovely and I stayed in touch with the family. Over the past year or two they've been helping me build up a business for myself through a foundation they setup when his dad died from a very similar illness to mine.

    But the last few times I've been with him hes been different. He's still a snob to everybody around him, haughty and thinks hes too good for most people around him. But hes been acting differently towards me and I'm trying to figure out why.

    Whereas before he would shoot glares like he wanted to punch me now hes going out of his way to spend time with me and be really, really sweet.

    Last time I was with him he didn't leave my side the entire time. He was smiling, laughing at every joke I made. Kept opening doors, pulling out chairs for me. Asking if I was ok. Being protective and caring in a way I had never expected anybody to be toward me, least of all him. And I dont know... I've been in relationships before and I just felt that feeling. That spark you cant quite put your finger on.

    I realised we were flirting when his mum starting getting a bit ly with me, in that 'stop flirting with my son's kind of way.

    There was this moment where we had a problem with my IV line (it's quite normal, so much so my own family didnt even blink) and he looked like he was going to have a heart attack!

    His level of concern for me was totally shocking. I'm so confused!

    I feel the grief coming from him, he misses his dad. And I wonder if hes just feeling protective toward me because he wants his dad back. He sees me sick and it's some way of grieving. I feel he cares about me, but I cant figure out if it's because he likes me or just because he misses his dad.

    It's a bit of a weird situation! I've suddenly seen a side to him that I never realised was there. Hes the opposite of me in every way. Healthy, handsome, wealthy - he's a Mr Darcy stereotype. He has everything that I want. And I wonder if it's just a bit of wishful thinking on my part!

    So thoughts would be really helpful, please be gentle. I've not spoken about this to anyone.

  2. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    85
    Originally Posted by Sticksnstone
    He's still a snob to everybody around him, haughty and thinks hes too good for most people around him.
    That right there is a red flag worth paying attention to. How a person chooses to treat others is a direct reflection of that person's character. To me, it suggests that if this guy doesn't believe he has something to gain from someone else, then he will choose to treat that person poorly.

    If I were to guess, the sudden change in his behavior towards you cause he now believes he has something to gain from you. It now behooves him to do what he must to stay within your good graces because you have something he is after. What that could be, I have no idea, but please do not confuse his sudden change in behavior towards you to be a complete transformation of his character. His character has not changed, his poor treatment of others is proof of this.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,408
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry you're going through this. He and his family seem like very compassionate people, not "rich snobs". I do not think it's pity, but also do not think it's love or him grieving his father.

    It's understandable given his compassion, that you would have a crush on him. Hopefully his family, their foundation, compassion and kindness are an inspiration to you.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,321
    I am so sorry that you are living with horrible condition. it's not fair.

    He is still a jerk to everyone else. He sounds awful.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    7,163
    First impressions are usually fairly spot on. I mean, you've already admitted that he's not changed hardly much at all. He is still snobby, etc. That alone would be worth noting as it's not someone who would be a good choice for a partner, not even a friend.

    As to how he feels and what his behavior means. It's so open to interpretation, it really would be a guess on our part. Without asking him or without knowing him, or even being there, none of us could truly know.

    I think to be fair to yourself, see his behavior as a friend. Appreciate his kindness, but don't try to turn it into a romance. In every which way you look at it, it's not an ideal situation and he isn't Mr. Darcy, he is a very confused guy who still has a lot of growing and maturing to do.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,752
    Gender
    Female
    I would like to think he's maturing into an adult male now that he's older than when you first met him, therefore he's gotten past the jerk stage but that may not be the case.

    I would tread lightly, observe how he treats you and everyone else. If he's still rude or mean to others then you can see he hasn't changed all that much. Dont get hung up on him until you can feel more confident about how he is acting around everyone not just you. He does sound like a jerk to me, tho.

  8. #7
    Silver Member ShySoul's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Where love guides our hearts and actions
    Age
    37
    Posts
    5,306
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Sticksnstone
    First time I saw him, he was a total jerk. Up himself, arrogant and only had time for people who were rich, healthy and living that 'perfect' life just like him. He looked at me like he hated me with vengeance, it was very weird.

    He's still a snob to everybody around him, haughty and thinks hes too good for most people around him. But hes been acting differently towards me and I'm trying to figure out why.
    People are who they've always been. It is possible for mean people to be nice or do nice things. Maybe he does care about you or thinks he has to be different to impress you. But can you trust it? What's to stop him from switching back and being rude to you again? And do you want to get close to someone who treats others that way? I'll always root for people to be able to change, but they have to make the effort in everything they do. He isn't. Plenty of people get stuck in the mindset of "but it's different with me." That way leads to pain. He is who he has always been, an arrogant jerk. Think carefully before getting any closer.

  9. #8
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Heaven
    Posts
    806
    Gender
    Male
    people change behaviours change, a criminal also gets a chance by law, everybody has that choice to make to live a respectful life a life with dignity, loving self and helping others.
    Sometimes life teaches us in a strange way of its own.
    But some people dont change they wear a mask and keep living their lives.
    So always be watchful of your well being and take the right decision when it matters for you.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    10,823
    If he's still an ass to everyone else, don't overlook that just because he's showing some kindness towards you.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,408
    Gender
    Male
    Unfortunately it seems like wishful thinking. He and his family are kind and generous to you because that's who they are and that's how he was raised.

    It's normal to want to turn your story into a Cinderella story. Your depiction of him as a jerk and snob to everyone else is pretty callous considering how much he and his family have helped you.

    Perhaps all these assumptions about "looks" and "glares" and "as if" help you confirm your Cinderella story that a former "rich snob" now has a crush on you.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •