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Thread: Love or Pity?❤💔

  1. #11
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    First, I am really sorry about your illness. I hope being apart of this program is helping your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.

    My intent for this isn't to come across as harsh, but I think you are trying to create a love story in your head similar to the one you described in your post – the haughty young man who is actually kind and generous beneath the exterior of pride and the young woman who is prejudiced against him because of his arrogant demeanor fall in love and live happily ever after on their estate in the English countryside. However, what I actually see is a family devoted to helping those who suffer from the same ailment their loved one passed from, and you are one of many whose lives they are hoping to improve in memory of their husband/father.

    I would also avoid labeling people based on your perceptions (calling him a jerk, a snob, haughty, etc) because your opinion on what constitutes these labels may greatly differ from someone else’s, and you are setting yourself up to be labeled as rude and judgmental.

    Additionally, I think these thoughts and feelings are quite normal given your situation and wanting to find your fairy tale ending given all you have had to deal with. Keep focusing on your physical and mental health as that is what is most important.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    I always try and give people the benefit of the doubt and let them move the bar either up or down.

    In this case his treatment of others besides you is worrisome.

    If your situation was not as it is how would you view him? Are you desiring compassion and caring so you have lowered the bar or is this real?

    Think of it this way. Most people would never drink from a mud puddle but if you were dying of thirst as you walked through the desert and you came across a mud puddle that dirty water would look really good to you at that moment wouldn't it?

    No matter his intentions or what you are reading into them I think you need a friend right now more than anything else don't you? If he proves himself to be a true friend and you get to know the real person he is deep down then you can answer your own question.

    Best wishes


  3. #13
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Surrey BC, Canada
    He sounds like a Sheldon Cooper. Disinterested, aloof, arrogant, seemingly snobbish. It took the willingness of Amy Farrah Fowler to pull him out of his shell. Maybe you are his Amy...only time will tell. Remember no matter how horrible Sheldon seemed, he had friends that cared about him. maybe he has an anxiety disorder, and being the way he is is a coping mechanism.

    I say the death of his father may have had him take a look at his own mortality, and what he is doing with his life...maybe he values it more, and want to be more open to relationships, friendships, and be more compassionate, etc.

    Is it romantic interest? who knows. ...best of luck.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    His family is partial to you because they had a family member also pass from a similar illness. You also have a new business that has ties to their foundation. There's a business and personal connection there. I wouldn't read into his behaviour. His mother may be looking out for the both of you, not just her son.


  6. #15
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    He is still a jerk to others.. yah, nice guy :/.

    Like others have said.. tread carefully. If he's been kinda nice to you, fine.
    But dont assume too much.. IF this were to flourish and he's still so rude ( like he was at one point with you). I would not be thinking of going further with anyone like this.

    BTW.. sorry for your challenges... Self care <3

  7. #16
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    People will always show you who they are. Believe them.

    It makes no sense to invest in singular immunity to this guy's mistreatment of others.

    You may prefer to believe your fantasy 'about' the guy, and good luck with that.

  8. 10-18-2020, 03:09 PM

  9. #17
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    I agree with JenCrowley. There's something he wants, and he is changing his tune to stay in your good graces. I don't know what he wants, but there is a reason for this turnaround. He seems rather sociopathic or narcissistic. They know how to charm when it suits them and have no remorse or moral compass when treating others poorly when they do not serve a purpose. You state he used to look at you with "hatred with a vengeance," and now all of a sudden he's a kitten. I don't get it. And here you are, getting the "feels." Of course you are. I would too. You need to step outside of this bubble and continue to pay attention to his behaviors towards people outside of his new behavior towards you, and of course how he used to treat you, look at you, and how he made you feel...pretty crappy. People don't change easily, and you know, maybe he is all fluffies and bunnies with a hard, ly shell, or maybe he's just a jerk. This has the feel of walking straight into an abusive relationship. It's just a matter of time when you don't produce whatever it is he seeks that he starts reverting back to his old ways and you become his verbal/emotional punching bag and he starts glaring at you again, blowing you off, ignoring you, saying mean things, gaslighting...the list goes on. Maybe he'll set his sights on someone else. You are vulnerable, and I think you need to be extra cautious with this one because of that.

    I hope I'm wrong. Maybe it could be a Sheldon/Amy situation, but let's keep in mind, Amy does all the compromising in that relationship and her needs are never really fulfilled because Sheldon is impossible. It's great entertainment, but not something I would want to deal with in real life.

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