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Thread: Is he depressed or done

  1. #1

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    Is he depressed or done

    Iím in a newish relationship with a guy Iíve known a long time. Everything has been great. We have such a great time together and have genuinely clicked. I can tell that I genuinely make him happy and have been told by his friends and family that theyíve never seen him so happy. Heís not nor has he ever been the most affectionate person but he never hesitated to let me know I was special. At the beginning of September he was in a bad accident and had to undergo extensive surgery and was immobile and in a lot of pain. I stayed with him in the hospital as much as possible and he reached out to me for comfort frequently. Despite his discomfort, pain and frustration he still made me feel loved wanted and that he was happy. The past 2-3 weeks Since he has returned home (still mostly immobile and very dependent on others but not in as much pain) he has become so distant and withdrawn. I addressed the feeling that he was losing interest in me and he said that that wasnít the case he was just mentally in a dark place because he hated being so dependent on others and that all he wanted to do was sleep and watch tv. He has still made attempts to spend time with me but he seems so distant and withdrawn when we are together. He doesnít call or text nearly as much as I was used to and even though he spends time with me and still invites me to come over and hang out it just feels different. He has made plans to do things in the future with me and still includes me in plans with friends and family but not with the same regularity or excitement. I fear that I am overthinking much of this and that is why I am asking for advice. I know he has gone through a lot recently and heís lost a lot. I have never been through what heís going through so what Iím asking is an opinion on whether this change in behavior is due to his depression or if heís lost interest and doesnít want to cut me lose just yet because he feels bad because of all Iíve done for him. Is he pushing me away or is he just becoming withdrawn because of his situation. And the second question is how and what should I do moving forward?

  2. #2
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    You are overthinking. You need to stop making this about you, and think more about him. Damn, the guy is bedridden and dependent on others. Give hime a break!

    Why so insecure?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    You need to work on accepting the changes that have happened to him.
    You need to accept these changes have really made him feel low... so he will be low for a while, and this is how he is coping.
    But it is not on you.

    Respectfully let him deal with this.. his way. He has changed or pulled away - I refer to this as.. he's gone to his 'man cave'.
    Read up on that.
    Sometimes they NEED to shut down or back away for a bit to 'work through things, think, etc'.

    Best you can do it just be there for him as you are..trying to be.
    Try not to pressure him.. make him 'talk' etc. They dont always know how to do that.

    ( yeah, I am reading Men are from Mars, women from Venus) Explains a lot of the differences from us & them.

    So, just give him time.. let him reach out & be there as you have been.
    Let him have 'his time' to work through this big negative that has affected him at this time.

  4. #4

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    Let it be known I think about him always. My past relationships have unfortunately led me to feel insecure at times and Iíve been cheated on a lot. I trust him. I came to this site for advice. I know I am often an over thinker thatís why I am asking for assistance. Iím not trying to make this about me. Iím trying to prevent myself from doing something stupid bc I am sometimes insecure

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  6. #5

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    Thank you so much. That was very insightful and helpful. I donít want to push him away by becoming too clingy or applying too much pressure but I donít want to make him think I donít care or that Iím not there for him by doing too removed. What youíve said helped me a great deal. Thank you.

  7. #6
    Gold Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    He has had a traumatic experience and needs time to get himself to a better place, physically and emotionally. Most of all, he needs a friend to be caring and supportive of him through a really rough time. Far from him losing interest, he probably sees you as a blessing. You can encourage him and help lift up his spirit. Realize that he is in a very dark place right now and if he wasn't a naturally affectionate person to begin with, he'll be less inclined to be that way now. But as long as he's making some effort, don't feel bad. You'll need to reach him on his level for now and slowly he'll hopefully find a way through this.

    Good luck and I hope things get better for both of you.

  8. #7

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    Shysoul thank you.

  9. #8
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    Hi,

    I think you need to just be there for him during this dark period in his life. Just know it wonít last forever. If anything it will make you stronger and show him your loyalty.

    Lisa

  10. #9

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    Should I step back on contacting him and wait for him to call me? I want to be there for him but I donít want to bother him if he just wants to be left alone

  11. #10
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    Why don't you ask him what he wants.

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