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Thread: How Do You Balance Life with Kids?

  1. #61
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    Originally Posted by maritalbliss86
    They never apologize or try to make amends. But you're right that he just doesn't want to go if I don't.
    I'm so sorry they don't treat you with respect or properly. I had that issue with my FIL for a couple of years. It was awful.

  2. #62
    Bronze Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    My dad's mother never did accept my mom. There's no doubt in my mind in that case there was a bit of racism going on, that she didn't like my moms skin colour and background.
    Dad would bring us to visit them without mom, except for Christmas when she would go and had the buffer of my aunts and uncles ( who are not like that at all).
    It worked good for my brother and I.

    In reference to one of your earlier posts, there's something so satisfying I find in cooking in large amounts. I don't know, I just love it. I even love the shopping for massive grocery hauls. Lol. I can't for safety right now, but I really enjoyed volunteering at the community center and helping with the community meals. My extended family is super big, and growing up we were always doing something cooking related for community events and family, maybe that's why I love it - good memories, connecting with people, and also I just love all things food!
    Yes, I love cooking, and there's something odd about the satisfaction in cooking a large amount, I don't get it, either! It's just really satisfying to me to see all that food So much deliciousness in one place! I usually cook for the week in large quantities and so it's a good thing I enjoy it, otherwise that would not be fun LOL

    Just wondering, how did you feel knowing they weren't accepting of your mom? Does it make you view them differently?

    The last time we were around certain members who were just way too insulting (and unapologetic), they were making degrading jokes about, "white girls," right in front of me when I was playing on the floor with our then baby son (so this was a long time ago). My husband couldn't believe it and told them it was inappropriate and reminded them that I was right there, but they just laughed. We should have left, but we didn't go back after that. I remember silently thinking that there was no way I wanted our kids growing up around that - where family would make racist remarks about their mother right in front of them and laugh about it.

    Just doesn't seem like a good environment to have kids around, where their mom's race/ethnicity isn't accepted or openly joked about in derogatory ways. It's complicated because his parents aren't like that, but they took the other extended family members', "side," in deciding we were the crazy ones with the problem for being upset or not coming back.

  3. #63
    Bronze Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I'm so sorry they don't treat you with respect or properly. I had that issue with my FIL for a couple of years. It was awful.
    It's really complicated, Batya, they do usually treat us ok now for the most part, which is why we still see them every other month or so. We're trying to let them have a relationship with their grandkids... but it is complicated and not always easy because they've now yelled at our oldest and really scared him when we last trusted them to watch our kids alone.

    So now they know that we can't really let them watch them alone, we've addressed it with them and put down that boundary, and they can still come over and be with them when we're there. They don't like not being able to watch them alone, but at least it does seem to work out... I enjoyed them over this past weekend believe it or not! I like talking to them, we actually laughed a lot.

    People are sooooo complicated... they can be really nice and fun when they want to, so I feel like at least we've come to a place where we can enjoy them, our kids can enjoy them when we're there to make sure it's going ok, and they get to enjoy our kids, too, so it all works out for everyone.

  4. #64
    Bronze Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
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    They're Hispanic with a strong Spanish side influence... gorgeous people oh my word!

    My husband looks like a more hunky version of a Spanish-styled Ashton Kutcher... I have a weakness for the dark eyes and hair type LOL

    Anyway, his family are gorgeous people, very glad our kids mostly show those genes LOL

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  6. #65
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    Originally Posted by maritalbliss86
    It's really complicated, Batya, they do usually treat us ok now for the most part, which is why we still see them every other month or so. We're trying to let them have a relationship with their grandkids... but it is complicated and not always easy because they've now yelled at our oldest and really scared him when we last trusted them to watch our kids alone.

    So now they know that we can't really let them watch them alone, we've addressed it with them and put down that boundary, and they can still come over and be with them when we're there. They don't like not being able to watch them alone, but at least it does seem to work out... I enjoyed them over this past weekend believe it or not! I like talking to them, we actually laughed a lot.

    People are sooooo complicated... they can be really nice and fun when they want to, so I feel like at least we've come to a place where we can enjoy them, our kids can enjoy them when we're there to make sure it's going ok, and they get to enjoy our kids, too, so it all works out for everyone.
    I completely understand why you want them to have a relationship with their grandchildren if at all possible! One way it's less complicated is when you accept that you can only control yourself and your reactions, not other people. Not easy especially when kids are involved!

  7. #66
    Bronze Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
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    Yes, I like having the ability to control my own reactions... the hard thing about being so sleep-deprived is that I feel way less resilient, unfortunately . But I mean, luckily that should go away in time as this last baby sleeps more.

  8. #67
    Bronze Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
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    Thank you, Batya, your comments are very appreciated.

  9. #68
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    Originally Posted by maritalbliss86
    Yes, I like having the ability to control my own reactions... the hard thing about being so sleep-deprived is that I feel way less resilient, unfortunately . But I mean, luckily that should go away in time as this last baby sleeps more.
    Yes - sleep deprivation makes choosing a reaction so much harder. What helps is self-talk - when you're feeling less resilient notice it, be aware of it, so you can pause before reacting.

  10. #69
    Bronze Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
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    That's great advice, I will try that.

  11. #70
    Bronze Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
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    I do have to say, even with all the insane sleep deprivation, there is a big relief having a stable life to come home to.

    I think part of why my anxiety isn't too bad, normally, is that our life is nice and peaceful.

    Grateful for all the little things in life. Life is so beautiful and there's so much to be thankful for.

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