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Thread: Can I be with this girl ???

  1. #1

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    Can I be with this girl ???

    Okay so no judgment here plz I've just done a year in prison not proud of that but I made a stupid mistake and its a long story anyway its really opened my eyes and I'm ready to turn my life around. a girl who I have known a long time stood by me and supported me always sent me lovely letters and we talked on the phone a few times. I have really fallen for this girl and I feel like I'm in love with her now I'm out I want the start a new chapter of my life with her. she so sweet nice ad caring and I just feel so much for her the problem is her ex was very abusive and violent towards her and she is scared of him still this man has made many threats and its difficult because she has a son to him. I am very supportive of her and have said Il stand by her side has she has mine but he is giving her so much hassle I get why he make think bad of me but I am honestly wanting to re build a better life. he has hurt this girl so much I want to give her a good life and build a future with her my mum and family who have stood by me think she amazing we just want a chance to be happy do we give in to her bullying ex or fight to be together I love this girl and don't want to loose her.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Has she said she wants to be in a relationship with you?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok do the best you can toeing the line with parole, transitioning, job placement and getting on track. Stay away from her until she gets a restraining order against him in place. She also needs to get court ordered supervised visitation in order so there is no direct contact with her.

    If you are with her, your with her violent ex until she does the right things for herself and her son. What if he or she is on drugs? If he's violent and an altercation ensues, you'll do her no good back in prison. You may want to make up for lost time and start a new leaf, but someone like her is a danger to your freedom until she does the right things.
    Originally Posted by Daz31
    I feel like I'm in love with her now I'm out I want the start a new chapter of my life with her.

    her ex was very abusive and violent towards her and she is scared of him still this man has made many threats and its difficult because she has a son to him. .

  4. #4
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    If I were your parent, I would most certainly would not support this....do they even know the extent of the possible violence this guy may do?? Being with her will put you and your family in the cross hairs....very very dangerous. It's the unpredictability of this guy....if he's a wack job, she might be looking at a possible murder/suicide, kidnapping her son, harm to you, death threats. Don't even go there. I get it, you both have developed feelings...but are they the right ones, for the right purpose? I'm getting a sense of (her) codependency/(you)white knight syndrome. It's not a good foundation, you are not seeing past your nose, you both need to see the big picture (reality). Man you are just going to be pokin the bear....for everyone's safety stay away from her.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    It all depends on what she wants. If she wants a real relationship with you and not just a knight in shinning armor to save her then maybe it could work out.

    Take it slow and see how things play out. If you are on parole and get into some sort of fight with her ex that might put you right back in so think carefully before you do anything.

    The losers I have dealt with that hit women aren't so tough when they have to face another man but that doesn't mean there will not be trouble.

    Is this something you should be even considering?

    Are you even ready for a relationship just out?

    Will you dating her jeopardize her custody of the child?

    Lots to think about other than all the love you feel.

    Be smart and take your time.

    Lost

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Please tread extremely carefully.

    You're just out of jail, you've got deep running feelings for this woman and she has an ex who is being terrible to her. It could become a very chaotic mix with you losing your temper and doing something you shouldn't.

    Keep her at arms length, (at least for the time being), until things get sorted out with her ex and it's not such a tinder box waiting to go up.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    What steps has the woman taken legally to protect herself and her child from this ex?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    Not good to get between her & her ex.. She should not even be near him- he's an abuser!

    They should be apart and ALL be settled between them before you consider getting on with her.

    Also, who's to say she isn't terribly damaged by this experience with him?

    I feel you'll just be going in to something really unsettling.. there is no room for you in this.. they need to be apart & things much more settled.. this crap, you dont want :/

  10. #9
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    Can you be with this girl? You’re the only one who can answer that. My impression is that he is the only problem. Just make sure that she is really committed to you and won’t see saw back to him or someone else. Ask a lawyer what legal things can he do, to her, to their son, and what are her options if she can prove assault or domestic violence, such as restraining order. Consider surveillance cameras, dash cam for the car, or even a body cam. A video can help her case. Some self-defense lessons for her just to fend off any assault might be worth it.

  11. #10
    Silver Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    What she needs right now is a friend who will stand by her and be there while she works out the issues with her ex. Support her in getting a restraining order and making she she is safe. You sound like you already know this, but don't put pressure on her or push for something if she's not ready for it. Be an example of the kind of man you want to be - loving, caring, supportive, understanding. This shows that you have changed yourself and shows that not all guys are like her ex. In time, hopefully she will be comfortable enough to open up to you and return your feelings. Yes, it's possible. But it's not something she seems ready to be dealing with right now.

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