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Thread: Should I Say Anything

  1. #21
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    He has emotionally cheated and lied to you. He is also gaslighting and unpleasant with you. I canít believe you are using the accident as an excuse.

    The phone calls that you heard should have been a strong indicator that they had an emotional connection. The bill simply sealed the deal. Girl, you need to wake up!

    I canít fathom why you would add someone to your plan that you had been dating a few months?!

    Do you usually date guys like this? You need to set higher standards .

    Dump him!

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by EMWE
    I appreciate all the very insightful things that you have all shared. I do want to say that I honestly do not have a problem with the fact that he talked to her my problem is with the lie. Even though they donít share a child he did become a very integral part of her sons life. He was upfront with me in the beginning about this and I respect that. But my issue is that he denied speaking to her recently. I do feel like I need to back off and move on. The trust has been broken and I donít think itís mendable.
    He has no reason to speak with her If he has a connection to the kid.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by ShySoul
    Healthy relationships need to be grounded in honesty. He lied about talking to her. You are not being fully honest about looking at the phone bill. You need to work things out and talk about it. Otherwise, you won't be able to trust each other. It's already bothering you, so if you don't say anything it will continue to eat at you and poison the relationship. You won't believe him when he talks about his ex. And you'll be tempted to keep "spying" on him. The only way to help things is to have it out and let your feelings be known.
    Donít agree with this at all. He has already proven that he canít be trusted. Should she Have to tell him that he shouldnít lie, have secret calls, and flirt with his ex?

  4. #24
    Silver Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Donít agree with this at all. He has already proven that he canít be trusted. Should she Have to tell him that he shouldnít lie, have secret calls, and flirt with his ex?
    Should she have to deal with this at all? No. But she's already in the middle of it. Getting it all out there is the healthy response for a person. If you bottle it up or walk away without your feelings being known, it doesn't give you the chance to clear your emotions. It's not as much about him as it is about you. You're not expecting the other person to change or admit there mistake. Instead, you are releasing the hurt and anger you have. I'm a believer that the way you deal with an issue is to confront it head on. To not say anything means the other person can get away with never being confronted with their lies, actions, betrayals, etc. They don't have to deal with the consequences of their actions or see their errors. And you never get that extra peace of mind that can come from giving them a piece of your mind.

    What happens next is their choice. Maybe he can change. Maybe he can't. Maybe she is willing to work on things. Maybe she doesn't believe it and leaves. But if you don't at least try and openly say it, then nothing ever changes. Just because a person has lied or done something wrong, doesn't mean they will always be that way. I'd rather give someone a chance to correct their mistake before I step away. I know I've made mistakes and I'm glad people didn't give up on me without at least giving me a chance to fix them.

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  6. #25

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    Thereís a lot more to the story than the phone addition. He pays for it and I did it more so to help me get rid of the line than anything. And honestly no I donít typically date guys like this and he wasnít like this until about two weeks ago. Until then there were really no issues. This is where I become so confused. But after reading all the answers here I think I have a good idea of what I need to do.

  7. #26

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    Thank you. Our relationship is very grounded in a long friendship that existed prior. I was hesitant to date a friend bc I donít want to ruin our friendship of many years. But I also know I donít deserve to be lied to. And honesty is very important on both sides and at this point we have both lied. Though his lie is a respectfully bigger deal.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You never know what dating is like until you date the person - friends doesn't count. The relationship doesn't extend to the friendship portion prior to these past few months. I think you've blindsided yourself by doing this or thinking you know him.

    No, you do not deserve to be lied to. Pick up the pieces and brush yourself off. Whatever this was, it shouldn't be part of your future.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by EMWE
    Thank you. Our relationship is very grounded in a long friendship that existed prior. I was hesitant to date a friend bc I donít want to ruin our friendship of many years. But I also know I donít deserve to be lied to. And honesty is very important on both sides and at this point we have both lied. Though his lie is a respectfully bigger deal.
    The dynamics in a friendship and how people act and present themselves can be drastically different from how they are in a romantic relationship and behind closed doors. When you get romantically involved, it's not that uncommon to realize that the person in front of you is completely different from who you thought you knew. Naturally, that can be very confusing and disorienting. Nevertheless, when you are being lied to and treated poorly, time to walk away.

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