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Thread: At a loss

  1. #11
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You're wanting to believe that, because your heart wants to truly believe that he and you can have this storybook romance and he will realize how wrong he was all along and fall madly in love with you.

    It's a nice thought, it truly is and I think most women want something along those lines.

    But I think if you're going to be realistic with yourself, you would start realizing that he has held onto this fantasy, for a very long time. He's not going to let go of it, or of her, anytime soon.

    You're also going to have to realize, that as much as your heart might want him, that's how his heart feels...for her.

    Spending more time with him, won't magically change his mind and I think that's the main point you need to come to terms with, because if you keep allowing his bad behavior, if you keep holding out hope and keep thinking you're going to change his mind...all you will end up with is a whole lot of frustration and heartache.

    I know, it seems much more appealing to go down that path instead of listening to us...but we've seen this scenario hundreds of times. It never goes as you're wanting it to.

    I'm sorry. If he felt for you as you're wanting him to...it would have happened already. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    You're wanting to believe that, because your heart wants to truly believe that he and you can have this storybook romance and he will realize how wrong he was all along and fall madly in love with you.
    Would it make sense to back off and give him the space and time he seems to be needing, while withdrawing the benefits of a relationship? Remaining in contact, but not going any deeper than the superficial interaction... While making it obvious that I知 keeping my options open and not attaching any more romantic hopes to it?

    I知 aware I知 most likely setting myself up for even more heartache, but I guess I知 finding it tough to let go completely.

  3. #13
    Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
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    "He expressed his point of view quite bluntly, which is something to be appreciated, I guess, but practically putting the ball in my court to decide whether I知 willing to risk it all knowing that everything can fall apart at a drop of a hat."

    It is nice he was so blunt... but good grief, how awful! He's just using you as a placeholder until he can figure out if he can get out of the friend-zone with this other girl. I'm so sorry, you definitely deserve a man who would never put you in that situation in the first place.

    Don't stay with him, the longer you stay, the longer you're putting off the chance of meeting a man who does prioritize you.

  4. #14
    Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AnneMarie9
    Would it make sense to back off and give him the space and time he seems to be needing, while withdrawing the benefits of a relationship? Remaining in contact, but not going any deeper than the superficial interaction... While making it obvious that I知 keeping my options open and not attaching any more romantic hopes to it?

    I知 aware I知 most likely setting myself up for even more heartache, but I guess I知 finding it tough to let go completely.
    My heart goes out to you, you sound so kind and loving! Seriously though, for your best interest, ending it ASAP is the best option, no matter what your emotions are feeling.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by maritalbliss86
    "He expressed his point of view quite bluntly, which is something to be appreciated, I guess, but practically putting the ball in my court to decide whether I知 willing to risk it all knowing that everything can fall apart at a drop of a hat."

    It is nice he was so blunt... but good grief, how awful! He's just using you as a placeholder until he can figure out if he can get out of the friend-zone with this other girl. I'm so sorry, you definitely deserve a man who would never put you in that situation in the first place.

    Don't stay with him, the longer you stay, the longer you're putting off the chance of meeting a man who does prioritize you.
    I agree with you, at least from a logical standpoint.
    Everybody here seems to be coming to the same conclusion, so that should mean something.
    I can only hope I'm able to let it all sink in and do what needs to be done.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I know you're finding it hard to let go, and I do truly sympathize for you. But he is treating you badly. The second he told you he prefers her and will drop you the second she wants him, is the moment any of the romance you and he might have had together was completely shattered.

    You don't deserve what he's offering. You deserve so much more. My advice is to walk away, end all communication and to let him know you won't be second to anyone or fill in a space until she decides to come around.

    Take care of your heart, he won't and he doesn't deserve you.

  8. #17
    Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
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    <3 I think people tend to be on a spectrum of either reacting very fast and ending things almost too quickly, or beng slower and trying to see if they can work things out. Being slower, wanting to make things work, and really trying to figure out what's right is not bad at all. At least you're seeking counsel instead of hanging on for years.

  9. #18
    Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
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    When I was dating (lol which was a very long time ago) I was too far on the, "end things too fast," spectrum. With my husband he had to help me realize you don't always have to throw something away.

    But really... the longer you stay with a guy who isn't right for you (and wants you as much as you want him) that's time you're delaying where you could be much happier with someone else (and creating a life with them). I didn't figure that out until my husband showed me that.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    I know you're finding it hard to let go, and I do truly sympathize for you. But he is treating you badly. The second he told you he prefers her and will drop you the second she wants him, is the moment any of the romance you and he might have had together was completely shattered.

    You don't deserve what he's offering. You deserve so much more. My advice is to walk away, end all communication and to let him know you won't be second to anyone or fill in a space until she decides to come around.

    Take care of your heart, he won't and he doesn't deserve you.
    Sherry, you're describing that moment so accurately! That's exactly what it felt like... Watching it all crumble before my eyes, knowing that wherever it was going from there, it'd never be as innocent and pure as before.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    When you are forewarned that he's on/ off with this FWB, it's time to cut your loses
    "Hinting" at wanting a committed relationship is string along talk.

    Forget about being in their triangle. Cut your loses. 12 weeks is enough time to get to know someone and what you know is that he's playing you.

    If you stay and hope to recover your time invested, unfortunately you're in for a lot of heartaches.

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