Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 31

Thread: too close for comfort?

  1. #21
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2020
    Posts
    10
    Originally Posted by HeartGoesOn
    ^
    That's a classic excuse, along with "my kids are young, and need me right now," "I need to get my finances in order," "We sleep in different rooms," etc.

    Please don't tell us you're that gullible.
    Yes. Guess I am. I knew this getting in as we started our relationship as just friends. I do know that her best financial decision would be to stay married to him as long as possible.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    6,917
    Ohh my goodness :/.

    Yah, I agree.. I think SHE just feels way too awkward when it comes to her ex- which she is certain HE still has some issue;s on her. ( My ex took over 2 yrs to finally let off).
    If was a long term- yup can take a while.. unless they do truly let go.. move on ( and not just rebound).
    Even if she moved the flowers - is really up to her- careful you dont push it there. - causing her to become either more defensive or regress- less informative or honest with you.

    He is far from respectful with her & her personal life!

    Fist off. you have only been involved with her not even a year? One like her, probably needs you to take it all slowly..
    Ease your way in.. don't push it too much - or she may feel overwhelmed.

    You need to be honest, as does she.

    HE probably feels how owns her still in ways- being business partners. As for you staying there is none of his business...

    As for what they all do- yah is kinda odd, since they are no longer involved- and the kids are older!
    But, again.. is also HER choice in the matter.. ( you can accept or not - or she can change that- but may not)

    In the end.. is up to you on whether you can accept their 'way of living' or not.

  3. #23
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2020
    Posts
    10
    Originally Posted by SooSad33
    Ohh my goodness :/.

    Yah, I agree.. I think SHE just feels way too awkward when it comes to her ex- which she is certain HE still has some issue;s on her. ( My ex took over 2 yrs to finally let off).
    If was a long term- yup can take a while.. unless they do truly let go.. move on ( and not just rebound).
    Even if she moved the flowers - is really up to her- careful you dont push it there. - causing her to become either more defensive or regress- less informative or honest with you.

    He is far from respectful with her & her personal life!

    Fist off. you have only been involved with her not even a year? One like her, probably needs you to take it all slowly..
    Ease your way in.. don't push it too much - or she may feel overwhelmed.

    You need to be honest, as does she.

    HE probably feels how owns her still in ways- being business partners. As for you staying there is none of his business...

    As for what they all do- yah is kinda odd, since they are no longer involved- and the kids are older!
    But, again.. is also HER choice in the matter.. ( you can accept or not - or she can change that- but may not)

    In the end.. is up to you on whether you can accept their 'way of living' or not.
    Iíve already overwhelmed her with this according to her. I can see that it does. I donít want it to but it really can consumes me trying to let it be the way she would like it to be. She says her other bfs over the past 22 years were fine with the ex this way and the last one did repairs for him at his house, but he ended up being a cheater and screwing around with other women on her. I tell her that I donít understand how any man that truly loves her would find her relationship with her childrenís father acceptable. I try but the more I witness makes it more difficult.each time Iím subject to it I just see that thereís less and less closure to their relationship. Thereís nothing I can do to change anything except to let her know how I feel, so Iím really powerless over changing it(itís up to her).so it leaves me two options. Acceptance or let it go

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,424
    Gender
    Male
    You need to stop telling yourself he's "the ex".

    When you start telling yourself the truth rather than buying into thier sick open marriage, you'll see things more clearly.
    Originally Posted by Nyght
    Itís my girlfriend and her ex talking to their children referring to one another as Ďmommyí and Ďdaddyí

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    10,834
    Originally Posted by Nyght
    She says her other bfs over the past 22 years were fine with the ex this way
    Just because she says this doesn't make it true, Nyght.

    This woman is too enmeshed with her husband to see reality. She'll say whatever she thinks will make you see things her way, and frankly, her way is not conducive to a truly intimate, exclusive relationship with anyone else.

    You are wasting your time with her.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,424
    Gender
    Male
    Non-divorce is not a word. Married is the correct term. You've had to employ a lot of non words to stay in this thing.

    A lot of that is cognitive dissonance. That means developing an alternate reality replete with faux words like non-divorce and "ex-husband" to try to deal with the bizarre reality.

    For example you're getting upset at them calling each other mom/dad, but the real issue is why are you at their family dinner, like some poolboy lover?
    Originally Posted by Nyght
    Yes. Very disturbing to think about. The non divorce is a financial decision Iíve been told and she does expect to file but itís not for couple more years

  8. #27
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    23,219
    Gender
    Female
    She says her other bfs over the past 22 years were fine with the ex this way
    Apparently not. Where are they now?

    It makes no sense to walk into a mess and try to trick yourself into believing that it's not a mess.

    You're not going to change her or "them".

    You get to decide whether this is good enough for you.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    4,341
    What they have is working for them but it's not working for you. When you choose to stay in situations like this you're telling yourself that your needs or wants come second. Can I ask what you're looking for in a relationship?

    I ask because it might jog you into thinking more about yourself and what you want out of life. Take yourself out of the situation for a moment and don't see yourself in relation to what's going on around you. What do you want in a relationship?

  10. #29
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    25,058
    Gender
    Female
    In the past few months and my cards were more Intimate

    Oh heck, why would a woman want to display "intimate cards" in her home when she lives with her kids, even if they are college aged. I would be so grossed out and weirded out by that if i had a parent that did that. You can't give her cards that are more and more intimate and expect her to display them around the house as if you are marking your territory.

    That being said -- she is still a married woman.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    11,240
    Gender
    Female
    It always amazes me the mental gymnastics that side pieces go through in order to justify their actions and to convince themselves that they are sooo special and this is all true love. Good grief.

    Harsh reality is you don't have a girlfriend. If you want one of those, please find a woman who is actually single and free to be that.

    What you have is a married woman who is using you as a side piece in their marriage, yes her AND her husband. You are no better or more special than a toy in a line of many others. She pretty much told you that when she mentioned numerous other "boyfriends, aka side pieces".

    Whatever their unconventional marital arrangements are, one thing that should be crystal clear to you is that they've been doing this for many many years - meaning that this works for them and they have zero intentions of changing anything. If either one of them wanted a divorce, they'd do so. It's really that simple. The reason they don't isn't because of whatever bs excuses, but rather because neither one of them intends to divorce. You are just a human dildo to them and when they get bored with you, they'll get another one. The reason I say "they" is because they are both in on this and you are the passing outsider to their kinks and games.

Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •