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Thread: Ladies please help - I can't figure out what this girl wants from me

  1. #1
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    Ladies please help - I can't figure out what this girl wants from me

    Hi guys

    A girl I use to date and have some history with over 6 years ago was recently single at the start of the year. She messaged me and we hung out a few times, nothing serious just catching up as we are still on good terms.

    I've had feelings for her in the past but she shut them down when I told her, basically a friendzone type set up. That was 4 years ago.

    Anyway we have been chatting on and off and hanging out for the past few months and it has been getting flirtier and flirtier, especially from her, I know she's been sleeping with other guys during which I don't care about as I don't have feelings for her anymore. She is now dating one of those guys and has been for a month or so. Out of respect I've basically cut off all communication because I don't wanna be the guy messaging someones girlfriend.

    She is still trying to message me despite having a boyfriend who she knows I am kinda friends with. Yesterday she messaged me and I didn't reply, then messaged me again asking why I didn't reply and getting upset because I'm not talking to her. She even messages me when she's with her boyfriend?!

    What does she want? I'm so confused. Ladies please explain

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    It sounds like you are still in the friendzone and she is upset that her friend stopped talking to her. Some people flirt without meaning to take it further. However, if she is still doing it now that she has a boyfriend, she is indeed being inappropriate and it would be best to distance yourself.

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    I agree with the distancing myself, I don't wanna be caught up in anything. But I think that the flirting is too much to not mean, I know her very well and she hasn't been like this since we were 'together'. It has me very confused

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    The key information is that she's been sleeping with other guys while flirting with you and she is now dating one of those guys. It sounds like she has been using you for emotional support and for an ego boost. Chances are that she has been flirting with multiple people all this time. She sounds like a flirt and she sees no harm in flirting with you despite your history. I don't think there is much of substance in her behaviour. She was/is playing the field. Why now? Because she feels like playing the field at this point in her life. It's that simple. Had she wanted anything serious with you, she wouldn't be dating another guy. Imo, you should distance yourself because it sounds like the situation is messing with your mind and based on what you wrote, she is definitely not worth spending any more emotional energy on her.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I think it's more about her ego. She doesn't want you, but she likes to know that she can still reel you back in whenever she pleases.

    She's played head games with you on and off for many years, and because neither of you have feelings between anymore, honestly, what's the point in bothering in spending anytime with this person?

    The way you describe it, you're not actually friends, you are two people who knew one another in the past and it's fizzled out, even the friendship part.

    You're definitely right, she has a boyfriend and he wouldn't be cool with his girlfriend chatting up an ex. It says a lot about her too that she's doing that behind his back.

    But the bottom line is, she wants to see if she can still message and you'll come running, despite neither of you wanting to actually date.

    I would just leave it, it sounds pretty pointless. I also sincerely question this girls morals, the way she behaves.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that. She just got dumped and wanted attention. Now she still wants that attention despite dating someone new.

    You're doing the right thing shutting it down . Send one last text that you don't want to chitchat and flirt with someone who has a BF.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Over the years, neither being friends with her nor being romantic partners has worked. You're either one or the other, or nothing. It really doesn't matter what her needs are why she does what she does. You're in the driver's seat of your life. If you keep her within your orbit, it'll be nothing but disadvantageous to you. Any new woman you decide to date will probably make her exit when she finds out you regularly communicate with someone you once were romantic with.

    I'd send her a final text saying something like: I've decided that continuing a friendship with you isn't the best thing for me anymore. I'll cherish the good memories we had, and wish you all the best.

    And then you should block, because she likely will try to argue that point since she's already been pushy.

    Good luck.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I'd bet things are not good with the bf so she's seeing if you are willing to take his place.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Just be honest with her....she obviously hasn't changed one bit, and now you find yourself right back where you were 6 years ago. Just tell her it doesn't feel right being friends with her,...she will figure it out.

  11. #10
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    You are doing what you feel will protect your feelings and she should respect the boundaries you've made yourself.

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