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Thread: Guys I need your expertise with the following

  1. #1

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    Guys I need your expertise with the following

    I've been together with this guy for a few months now. It has been really nice, he is always there to help me. We cuddle a lot, spend a lot of time together. We have sex quite often, sometimes twice a day. There is only one thing that threw me off quite a bit. I noticed that he wasn't fully enjoying having sex with me. he lost his boner a few times when we were having sex, and he didn't really seem into it except when he drank. He actually said it to me one time. He wasn't able to drink enough that day otherwise we would have had amazing sex. I've talked about it with him and he only said the following: it was like a motorcycle, with some you can just hop on and drive away, with me he first had to start the engine but when eventually we were having sex he was enjoying it. My question is, what does he mean by this. I have tried to ask it again if he could explain it in more detail. Ever since he said it I've been feeling really self-conscious. The answer that he gave me made me really upset. We could talk about it forever, I'll never get it anyway. so there is no point. And nothing I could willingly do about it. He compared it with someone born without sight that is asking you to explain colors. I wouldn't understand because I am a woman besides other things.

    I hope you guys can help me understand him. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It sounds like a routine. Is the sex routine and predictable? Let go of the extra thoughts and worries. Don't let this damage your self-esteem.

    How much alcohol does he drink in a day or one week, would you say?

  3. #3
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    I donít know but that doesnít sound complimentary. I would ditch this loser. If youíre feeling bad about yourself itís not worth it. Your partner needs to lift you up. Also you need a guy who thinks the world of you and canít keep his hands off of you.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? Read up on the association between alcohol and ED . ED means the occasional or frequent inability to get or maintain an erection.

    His ED is likely due to alcohol (or other issues, depending on age, health, drug use, nerves, excess masturbation, etc.) not you or enjoying sex. His answer sounds like severe denial and nonsense, so he can continue to drink, and blame the ED on whoever he is with.

    Rather than continuing to talk at him or feel bad, reconsider the relationship. If the sex is bad this early on and he's indirectly blaming it on you, it will only get worse and so will his drinking. It's better to cut your losses after just a couple of months.
    Originally Posted by minnie03
    he lost his boner a few times when we were having sex, and he didn't really seem into it except when he drank.

    I've talked about it with him and he only said the following: it was like a motorcycle, with some you can just hop on and drive away, with me he first had to start the engine but when eventually we were having sex he was enjoying it.

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  6. #5

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    mostly yes routine. He doesn't drink alcohol that often once every 2/3 weeks. Also he has been under a lot of stress for the whole year already. we've been together for like 3 months, but we have known each other since last year December. For me the sex is good. I've had 3 bed partners up till now. He has done it with a ton of girls. I really like him and I want him to enjoy it as well, first I thought it was my lack of experience, but I am not sure about that. I've been trying to become better, learning more about it. Up till now he only has been really positive when I blow him. It has gotten to the point that when i give him a blowjob and i want to switch to sex I am afraid to ask it.

  7. #6
    Bronze Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
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    Hopefully this isn't it... but sometimes if a man was molested in childhood, they can show signs he's showing in regard to their sex life.

    -He can only really get into it if he's slightly buzzed or drunk (that's a sign)
    -He can't maintain an erection (also a sign of potential past trauma sexually bothering him)
    -He may only like oral sex because he can mentally block out things that way?

    OR it could just be the stress and work-load... those can make men lose their libido also. That would make sense with oral being easier because he doesn't have to do anything and his body can relax.

    Really it would just take time in getting to know him more, to see if when he works less, does the problem go away, or is he 100% of the time always like this.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Stop doing this. He's getting lazy. Stop feeling sorry for him. Sex should be mutually satisfying and respectful. You need to learn about sex and relationships a bit more. Stop trying to fix him. This is not about stress, or trauma or abuse or any such nonsense.

    He's just lazy and selfishly only cares about his own satisfaction. It sounds like he is manipulating you.
    Originally Posted by minnie03
    Up till now he only has been really positive when I blow him. It has gotten to the point that when i give him a blowjob and i want to switch to sex I am afraid to ask it.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You shouldn't be afraid to ask for, or at the very least, discuss anything in a relationship. The moment there's fear or intimidation the dynamics have shifted and the balance is unhealthy. It means one person is too overbearing. He may be manipulative or emotionally abusive or you may be more easy-going or naive when it comes to relationships but the dynamics are very imbalanced.

    Those extra worries and thoughts? Process but don't dwell. Don't let it damage your self-esteem. If you feel you're not being heard in the relationship (in or out of the bedroom), communicate better with him. If he criticizes you or puts the blame on you for all the problems in the relationship, this person isn't ready to date or share equal responsibility for the relationship. The way he describes the both of you sexually isn't appealing and quite derogatory and depressing.

    You don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with in future. Take things in stride. Switch things up a lot more to break the routine. Do you trust him? Or are you afraid he'll turn to other women or dump you if you don't act a certain way or agree with what he wants? A person who is ready to or behaves like he's on the brink of dumping you or letting you go because you try to have a say in something is not someone you want in your life.

  10. #9
    Member WalterSobcha's Avatar
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    You said you have sex "quite often" and that he's lost his erection "a few times". Could you elaborate on the numbers here, as that would give a clearer picture.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    he didn't really seem into it except when he drank. He actually said it to me one time. He wasn't able to drink enough that day otherwise we would have had amazing sex.
    Ohh wow :/.
    Is he an alcy? Havin troubles getting there? :/

    I suggest you either leave this one behind- cause i feel he is an oddball.. OR tone down the sex a bit.. like a few days a week.. not a day. Maybe the guy is just worn out
    Either way, I would not be involved with someone just for sex- and either would I with an Alcy!

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