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Thread: Partner talks with ex almost every day

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are they legally divorced yet? How old is he? Was he financially dependant on her? Did she finally divorce him because of his affair with you?
    He proceeded with the divorce, has his own Medicare card, Netflix and health insurance.

  2. #12

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    Hi, thanks for your reply. There was no affair as they'd been separated and living apart for months before I even met him. She had a boyfriend before I met him too.

    Yes they are now legally divorced, as of a few days ago.

    He's 32.

    He was not financially dependent on her.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why is he on Medicare?

    Why didn't he have his own insurance? He can't even afford his own netflix account?

    Did he move into your house?
    Originally Posted by GH83
    He's 32.

  4. #14
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    He was barely out of his relationship , then rebounded with you. He still harbors strong feelings for her.

    He was no where near ready for a relationship as he did not process the breakup, plus he was still married.

    I would not date anyone until they had been divorced at least two years.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 10-11-2020 at 08:50 AM.

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  6. #15
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    They are still in a relationship together and have been the entire time. Walk out today.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, if you stay with him, your heartaches and headaches have only just begun.
    Originally Posted by GH83
    Yes they are now legally divorced, as of a few days ago.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You regularly cry. No matter the good points, when you're regularly upset in a relationship, it means it's very wrong for you. Yeah, a person who is ready for a relationship will only speak to his ex about their shared child and nothing more. He is severely crossing normal relationship boundaries.

    He already knows you're upset and doesn't love you enough to fear losing you because of his behavior. You already know he hides his continual inappropriate ties with her since he's continuing on with pouring time and emotional energy into her.

    Subconsciously, we choose who we think we're worthy of. You don't think much of yourself, since any person with healthy self-worth would have left as soon as she saw this was happening.

    Leave this toxic relationship. Be alone and learn how to boost your self esteem. Because if you don't, you will repeat the pattern of choosing someone whose priority is someone else. He knows it's not a dealbreaker for you since you stick around, so why should he stop? As for you, you don't have control over someone else, and feeling the need to nag means you've chosen the wrong person, because you won't feel that need with the right one. Never stick around hoping for change. What you see is what you get. When you get some time and distance away from him, you'll likely shake your head at why you stayed so long. Simply say: "This relationship isn't working for me." And then go no contact for closure. Take care.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    He didn't mention he was still married to her, I found after we'd been together for months,
    This would have been the end for me, so the rest is irrelevant.

    I'd ask myself whether stepping inside someone else's marriage is the right place for me.

    My take-away would be that I'll screen future dates carefully on meeting them by asking the right questions.

    It makes no sense to allow ugly truths to shake out AFTER investing in a bad match.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It started off badly with the lies and it should have stopped there. Unfortunately you won't see it as a bad situation until it's bad enough for you to want to let go permanently. When you're this deep in with someone and living together already, you'll always want to see the good and forget the bad because the good is enough for you to overlook all the painful things about the relationship that keep you up at night or cry yourself to sleep.

    The biggest questions I'd be asking myself, in your position, is how you found yourself in that position believing a man like this in the first place. That question sent chills down my spine and left me awake a lot of nights because it forced me to question previous ideas or perceptions about myself or what I thought of others and how I approached different situations. Figuring out where I went wrong and how those previous thoughts were outdated, expired, no longer useful or helpful was a very excruciating shedding of one's skin. I knew I was growing. I just didn't know whether it was good or bad or what I'd be on the other side.

    I can tell you that the other side is beautiful and it's peaceful. It's total blissful and all-encompassing peace. Today, right now, I've reached a place that I never thought possible and I can look back, with sympathy and a lot of compassion, at earlier parts of myself. If you're in pain and you need more clarity or guidance keep going back to your earlier self and what your ideas were when you first met this person. Where were you at that point in your life that left you vulnerable or open or not as experienced? Very often in difficult times we look at others for confirmation of bad deeds (our partners if they're incompatible to us or if the relationship has soured). We look at them for reason to leave and tell ourselves... just one more time and I'm gone. I can guarantee you that you're not stupid and you've already seen what he is a thousand times over. It's you who has to make peace with you - all of you, your vulnerabilities, weaknesses, who you were before all this started and where you're headed next.

    Hope you find peace.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You found out, you know, you stayed, now you have to be accountable. This isn't on him, you had every chance to walk. Doesn't matter that he's filing for divorce, he's got serious baggage...and why should you sacrifice your well being and the right to have a happy healthy relationship, just to stay with him...no man/love is worth any of that. Your focus isn't in the right place....the issue isn't his ex, the issue is the choice you made.

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