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Thread: Priorities in relationship

  1. #1

    Priorities in relationship

    I live in the US and I met a Brazilian girl on a dating app, and we've been talking for several months. Things are going great between us, and it took some time (Coronavirus travel concerns) to finally get myself to decide to get a ticket and take a month vacation to see her.
    Regarding my travel plans, I had spoken to a friend (who lives in a different country that I haven't seen in a few years) and he also happened to being going to Brazil as well. I told my girlfriend that I would meet up with my friend for 5-7 days in one state of Brazil and I would spend the remaining 3 weeks or so with her.
    The plan is to fly out in late early November.
    Unfortunately my friend has been having flight issues and the airlines changed his flight twice already and I am waiting to receive confirmation on the dates.
    I kept the my girlfriend in the loop. She has asked me several times about when I am going to book. I told her I'd book by Friday (yesterday). I am still waiting on some date confirmations so I have not yet booked, I thought...a few extra days won't be a disaster. Friday night she pointed out that.. she waits for me, and that I wait for my friend... I am always late and that she barely entered into the relationship and that she already feels like she's stuck with other people.

    Part of me feels bad for not fulfilling the booking reservation as promised/ told. But part of also felt down/ sad about her opinion of the matter.
    (Sad in the sense that, I feel like I am trying my best to make both work, but that's still not appreciated). Is it wrong to feel this way, because I am in the wrong (treating her like second choice)?
    Do I have my priorities mixed up? Is it that bad for trying to consolidate this trip experience? Am I doing something wrong here? Would any other girl or person feel as though they are unimportant or second priority because of my actions? I am not sure, what is the right thing to do?

    Thank you for any wisdom!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry sounds rather demanding for someone you never met. Take your time in fact you may want to bring a friend in case this is a set up.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Is there a language barrier between the both of you? Ask her what's bothering her about the small delay. She could have family commitments or other commitments also and it's not all about you and your visit. What does she mean "stuck with other people". Obviously you both have lives outside of being in a long distance continent-bridging relationship.

    Is there a reason why dating someone in another country seems more appealing to you than the US or in your city for ie?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Watch 90 Day Fiance and see if dating a foreigner still appeals to you. Did you know if you marry a foreigner in the U.S., that you have to sign a legal document stating you're financially responsible for that person even if they divorce you after 6 months, if they are granted a green card and the U.S. allows them to stay regardless of the divorce?

    And going from not seeing a person to 3 weeks of total togetherness is not the normal pace of dating, so it presents different problems. Why are you choosing the most difficult, and extremely expensive way of dating?

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  6. #5
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    You both have expectations that are out of whack for someone you've never met.

    You are essentially strangers to each other at this point, and given the current state of the world, you may wind up not being able to actually meet for a long time. You certainly won't be able to make regular visits to each other. If she's struggling with the delays now, what does she envision the future is going to bring?

    I would be very concerned that I'd gotten myself into a fantasy relationship that can't really transition into a viable, sustainable real relationship offline.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    Yes. I agree with much of what has been said.. the 'fantasy' vs reality.
    YOU are taking huge risk at this time.
    And sounds like SHE is either desperate or just plain insensitive :/... wow.

    Do YOU think you need this? And no matter what buddy is doing.. WHY either of you would travel at this time.. I have no idea.

    Why not back off of her & this dilemma ( and added stress) and just remain where you are for a good while?

    Check out LOCAL sites.. hang with your close bubble you've got here.

    IMO, she is NOT worth this kind of risk for YOUR own safety.. dont ya think???

  8. #7
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    Watch 90 Day Fiance and see if dating a foreigner still appeals to you. Did you know if you marry a foreigner in the U.S., that you have to sign a legal document stating you're financially responsible for that person even if they divorce you after 6 months, if they are granted a green card and the U.S. allows them to stay regardless of the divorce?
    I love that show.....:-)

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    How much of a priority to you is finding a 'real' in-person relationship if you're unwilling to date people who are local to you rather than build fantasies with a stranger online, who will most likely remain a stranger?

    If you can't find someone to date locally, and you have the wealth to take a month off of work for travel, why not invest that time to find for a more suitable place to live from which you can find local dates?

    I can't think of any healthy person who'd want their first date with a stranger to last an entire month. What happens with the rest of your month if you meet and can tell in 5 minutes that the fantasy you've built 'around' this person isn't accurate?

  10. #9
    Silver Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    Who you want to be in a relationship with is entirely your choice. If you two get along and a spark is there, then pursue it. When it comes to the heart, just go with it. Maybe things won't work like you think. Maybe it will be better. Just be safe and have fun.

    You are not wrong for wanting to consolidate the trip. This is a major trip and a major expense. You want to be able to get the most out of it. If you have the chance to see an old friend as well, then you should. You will still me spending the majority of the time with her. Having said that, it's understandable that she may be upset. You've talked for so long and have finally gotten to the point of meeting in person. At this point, the anticipation is high and she probably just wants to get it over with. She wants to spend as much time with you as possible. So to have the plans pushed back and to hear that she will lose out on time with you is disappointing. Even if you aren't putting her in second place, it could feel like it. Talk things over with her and make clear that you are going there to see her.

    Good luck and hope things go well.


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