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Thread: My best friends brother...

  1. #11
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    She definitely can be pushy at times, but I still find her to be one of the best and most loyal friends that I have ever met. Maybe I have low standards because I have not always had the best people in my life but so far she has been the best despite her pushy and somewhat over dramatic personality. When it comes to if I can relate to my friends, I think that I do enjoy their company. I don't mind crude humor in the slightest. And my friend and I are very a like in our humor. I just never had much to contribute to when it came to personal stories for obvious reasons. But honestly, for the first time in years, I truly love my friends. I've always had a hard time making friends and my friend has introduced me to a lot of her other friend groups. For the first time in my whole life, I feel really happy with my social life. I don't know how she managed to find so many great people but I'm happy she decided to introduce me to them all.

    I can understand what you're saying with him. I know that if he declines a relationship and I continue doing things in a causal manner that I'm most likely going to get hurt. I will definitely do my best to keep my heart and well being in mind. I know that at this point, all I can do is ask and see how he feels about the situation and go from there. The hard part is going to be getting the strength to ask him and not chicken out. I know in the grand scheme of things, this is so small, but it feels so big.

    And thank you. I will try to be confident. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
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    I wasn't sure if I was just being dramatic, but her comments had been causing me some stress. I'm glad you mentioned this. Next time she makes a comment, I think that I'll politely discuss with her why they're inappropriate. Maybe I can get her to actually open up about what her problem is about it so we can move passed it. Obviously, she is having some sort of issue. I think all of the comments is what's making me feel pressured to tell her. Up until now, she has been a wonderful friend to me. It kind of hurts that she's been acting so strange which is why I'd like to understand what she's so upset about.

  3. #13
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    Thanks for the advice, Wiseman2. I think that I will have the talk with him about if he's interested in dating. I just want to wait for the right time. I've been reading that if you do it too soon, it can "spook" people away. I'm not sure how true that is, but I still think I should feel it all out before jumping in with the question.

    I plan to go to my dr soon to be sure that I am being safe. The last thing I want is an unplanned pregnancy or STD.

    When it comes to my friend, I'm not sure if you read my replies to SherrySher, but I went into a bit more detail about what I'm experiencing with her. She's been very pushy to know details. At first I thought I just wanted to tell her because it was out of respect, but now I'm thinking that I just feel pressured to tell her.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't try to fix "her issues". Lighten up. If you or her brother don't want to talk about it fine. However why would dating a friend's brother be such a secret and issue?

    It sounds like she's teasing you about it and perhaps a bit too much. Why not just look at her when she insinuates (correctly) that you and her brother are dating and just say " so?".

    This is partly your issue because you want to keep this some sort of big secret but for whatever reason.

    People date siblings of friends all the time. The more you try to make this a big mystery, the weirder it will get.
    Just lean into it with a "so what" ? mindset.

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  6. #15
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    I wasn't really looking to fix her issues, just understand why she's teasing so harshly. I didn't appreciate her calling me a child, especially in front of him and their parents. And honestly, I don't want it to be this big mystery or secret. I'm ok with being open about it. Her brother is the one who wants to keep it quiet. I don't want to overstep his boundary by saying more than he was comfortable with his sister knowing. I'm not interested in sharing every little detail with her like she may want, but if she knew it was happening, I don't think that would be a bad thing either. I will try to adopt more of a "so what" mindset, but I feel like that's just going to make her more curious and pushy.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why? Ok so how do you want to solve this problem if she is teasing you and HE wants You to be a secret?

    Get away from the whole family if he wants to keep you a secret, but has clearly told her and she is "harshly teasing" you about it. Why sleep with or be friends with people you can't trust?
    Originally Posted by angelicgirl
    Her brother is the one who wants to keep it quiet

  8. #17
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    "what are we?" you are in a friends with benefits situation. If the conversations went towards feelings/emotional connection and how much he misses you, how much he likes being with you and talk about a future together, and he was taking you out on dates, then that's leading to a relationship. You are friends having sex.....that's it. IMO if a man is serious, he tells you.

    As for your friend, she's no dummy, she KNOWS, she just wants to see if you would ever tell her.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It sounds like she's teasing you about it and perhaps a bit too much. Why not just look at her when she insinuates (correctly) that you and her brother are dating and just say " so?".

    This is partly your issue because you want to keep this some sort of big secret but for whatever reason.
    I don't think that's the problem here, Wiseman.

    She's not even sure if they are dating. I know you've never been a younger woman, but it is a huge deal as to who takes your virginity. So for this man to have done that, and they are now still seeing each other and sleeping together, but not knowing how he truly feels..any everything still up in the air, that alone can be anxiety provoking.

    Then you have a nosey sister pushing for answers, that she (OP) doesn't necessarily know and doesn't want to upset the brother by being all gossipy and giving out information..it's not an easy situation as you try to make it out to be.

    You can't just "lighten up" about it. There's a lot of heavy feelings on the line. You're invalidating her feelings and how much is on the line by saying that.

    The best friend has no right to be pushing things or to be forcing answers that quite frankly, are none of her business.

    And until OP actually speaks to this man about what might be going on between them, it is a precarious situation where OP could be quite hurt. So it's not something to take lightly nor does she know if they are even going to date at the moment.

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