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Thread: I am I being clingy ?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    If you have to ask why....that's your answer right there. It's not serious. I agree with Lambert, stop making it so easy for them, and I agree with the others, way too much personal information, deep serious conversations, showing too much vulnerability etc. You are setting yourself up to being taken advantage once again.... early days, that's the time to flirt, be sexy, have fun, keep things light and get to know them.

  2. #12
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    Yes Billie , I totally agree with word to word what you said .

    Although it is harsh , I needed to hear that .

    About my second marraige , it was empty , no love and emotionally abusive .I stayed in that state for 5 yrs , That is the reason I drifted to wards my co worker .

    The reason to mention they were abusive was not to get sympathy , but I wanted to be transparent. But I get it . I am not perfect myself . If any marraige ends even if it was abusive , you also have your faults and must have contributed to it .

    Yes my relation with my ( co worker ) was not at all healthy , I have posted them here before , thatís why I started dating . Not to get into a relationship, but to explore , learn and also work on myself . BTO is the work I have been doing on myself called ( becoming the one ) . A course that helps to connect to your deeper self , self love and healing , which I totally agree I need now the most .

    My work on myself has started , and you are right that I need to give myself time and heal before I jump on to relationships. That is my goal . Also I have a anxious attachment style , may be one of the reason I over shared about my self before knowing the person completely.

    Yes this is a learning lesson . You are right , if you become vulnerable soon , and tell your life story , you either scare away or ante taken advantage of . My coworker took advantage of me ( again initially J let him cuz I enjoyed what ever he was giving me but to continue that kind of FWB was toxic for me )

    This is guy is a good guy , did not take advantage , was interested initially but I scared him away , with over sharing . He became a shoulder to unload , and I did not even realize that I was doing that . I think the rehearsal is distancing himself is very obvious.

    Yes I think the damage might be done , but I have learned a very valuable lesson . I know whereI stand in my healing process . I have issues to address.

    Regarding unconditional love , you are very right you give it . I have puppy too who unconditionally loves me and yes I unconditionally love my children.

    Again Thanks a lot for your honest feed back . I needed to hear this . 🙏

  3. #13
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    Yes totally agree with that . Yes a lesson learned . Thank you

  4. #14
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    Yes Wiseman2 ,

    I agree , itís a big learning lesson . Thank you for bringing it to my awareness . Thank you 🙏

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  6. #15
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    Yes Lambert ,

    Although itís harsh needed to hear this .
    Yes I think thatís it . Focus on myself is the goal . Thank you

  7. #16
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    Thank you every one for your input . Appreciate it . Gave me some perspective of what I was doing with out being aware . Thank you again

  8. #17
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Oversharing sends the message, "I've never learned discretion, and I have no boundaries," so it prompts people to reach for theirs with you.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    . . Oversharing so early on, the person on receiving end feels a forced sense of psuedo intimacy.
    It also suggests that these experiences are still very much impacting your life and not something you have worked through and healed from
    Sometimes when you do that it is interpreted as rushing things that should otherwise fold out organically and slowly.
    You should only share those most vulnerable details of your life with someone you fully trust. 2nd date in, you don't even know this guy.
    So, yes. It comes off as over eager and forced.
    Think of dating like peeling an onion. Slowly, one layer at a time.
    Don't share intimate details until a later date (a very much later in your case)
    Take some time to reflect why you shared them so quickly and why they hold that much importance to you. 2nd date in you might share your favorite movie, favorite vacation. Not your toxic relationship history.

    My guess is you haven't healed enough from those experiences to enter into a new relationship quite yet. There is no shame in that. Take some time to take care of yourself first.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I wouldn't see this person again. It doesn't sound like he reciprocates the same feelings. He only seems to light up when you're 'intimate'. I'm not sure if you've had sex with him. Don't initiate any more contact.

    Your question was whether you're clingy. If you continue to initiate contact and let him use you for sex (which appears to be a pattern in one of your previous relationships), this isn't a relationship founded on mutual respect.

    You seem hung up about the past quite a lot. People are quick to pick up on that in first dates and draw back from TMI or feel overwhelmed. If you're ready to date again at a later time, try to distance yourself from the past. Don't beat yourself up over what's already happened. It'll put you in a better mindframe when making decisions about current/future partners as items or events come up. I like to think of it as 'traveling light'. People want to see all of you, not just your issues and problems.

    Don't be too discouraged. I think what you need most is to really be kind to yourself and leave the past in the past. This doesn't mean chucking it in a box and kicking it closed to some dark corner of your mind. I think handling the pain of the past or whatever you've been through requires some kindness and compassion towards yourself and what you've experienced. Face the bad, acknowledge the good and cover it in a blanket of flowers. It's finished. Leave it behind. Tell yourself what's done is done and give yourself a chance to move on with a fresh start.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by PJM
    So my question is is this guy really interested ?
    No, not really.

    It seems you have come to this realization, though. His isn't the behaviour of a guy who wants to take things further with you. It's time to extract yourself from this before you get even more hurt, PJM.

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