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Thread: Weird question... situation involves my girlfriend and something from my past...

  1. #1
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Weird question... situation involves my girlfriend and something from my past...

    It's not like it's a huge crisis or anything. This is probably a more light hearted question than most on here. But it went a little longer than expected. If you want the short version just skip down to the last paragraph and avoid all the backstory.

    So, my senior year in college I did a year long independent study. I was an art major with a focus on multimedia, film and digtal art. For my independent study I made a complete deck of Tarot cards. As in, I took all the photos myself. I did all the layouts myself, etc. And if you've ever looked at a Taort deck you know the imagery is pretty interesting. So some of the shoots I had to set up were pretty interesting. The photos were combined with digtial drawing, blending effects, etc. When it was done I had a show exhibiting them. I passed my independent study and graduated. I tired publishing them but no one was interested, the reason I kept getting was because there is no market for digital art. I also wanted to print them out and sell some. But back then it would have cost me over $100 to print each deck. So the whole thing just was forgotten about over the years. My computer crashed and I lost all my files. I had backups on CD, but I had moved since then and who knows where those CDs even were by that point.

    Fast forward to a few weeks ago. My girlfriend and I were talking and she was saying she's always wanted to learn to read Tarot cards but doesn't have a deck. It is generally believed that buying your own Tarot cards is bad luck and that they should be given to you by a loved one. She was saying no one would ever buy her a deck so she never got to learn them. I was telling her about the ones I made years ago and how they were basically lost now.

    Then last week I was going through some old boxes and found an external hard drive. Well, what do you think was on it? My entire Tarot deck and tons of old photos.

    Now, printing the whole deck would only cost me about $25-30, so I plan to print a few out. I will print the first one for myself, obviously. Some of the people who modeled for some of the pictures (it was all family and friends) want copies, too. And I was thinking it would be really cool to have two larger prototype decks made, one for myself and give the other one to her. (my girlfriend.)

    Ok, so here is the problem... the Lovers card. The Lovers card is a pic of my ex husband and I. And it's a pretty intimate picture. It's not dirty or anything. But it's the Lovers, and him and I were newlyweds at the time, so think about it. And my ex husband also was the Hierophant. (Of course it's harder to tell it's him on that one because he's dressed up and has a hood covering most of his face, but still. I don't want to change any of the cards because this was such a huge project and it refelected my style of art at that time. I feel like if I have to change a few of them I would have to change them all. Also, my ex husband is dead now. I feel like I need to leave those cards alone just as a memorial to him if nothing else. We weren't together when he died. But we were friends. I was just at his house a few days beforehand. His family didn't have a memorial service and I'm the one who has his ashes still.

    So basically... would it be weird/in bad taste to give my girlfriend a copy of my Tarot deck that contains pictures of my ex? And as a disclaimer, if you are only going to attack me in the replies, don't bother replying. This is a pretty simple question and I don't feel like being judged today. Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    This deck sounds like very personal to you and should probably stay that way. As you said, a sort of memorial to your deceased husband.

    I guess my question is why can't you just buy her one that would be hers truly and from you truly, rather than one packed with such heavy personal stuff regarding someone else??? Or if buy isn't proper, then create another one that's from your heart to her specifically? It doesn't have to be over the top that takes months of work. Keep in mind that simple and genuine to her is what counts the most.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    This deck sounds like very personal to you and should probably stay that way. As you said, a sort of memorial to your deceased husband.

    I guess my question is why can't you just buy her one that would be hers truly and from you truly, rather than one packed with such heavy personal stuff regarding someone else??? Or if buy isn't proper, then create another one that's from your heart to her specifically? It doesn't have to be over the top that takes months of work. Keep in mind that simple and genuine to her is what counts the most.

    I wouldn't say it's full of "heavy personal stuff" involving someone else. It was a really time consuming art project I did 15 years ago. My ex was a model for two out of 78 cards. Pretty much everyone I know was a model somewhere in them. My Mom was both Lady Justice and the Queen of Disks. My sister was the Angel on the Judgment card. My brother was both Death and the Hanged Man. My other brother was the Hermit and the Mage. My sister in Law was the Princess of Cups. And all of my friends were various court cards. I also used myself as the High Priestess and I was on the Sun as well. So, I mean, 78 cards is a lot of photo shoots, a lot of time and a lot of work. I didn't have the money to hire professional models so I used people I knew (most of them I still know.) So it's not like I would be handing her a stack of pics of my ex. And there was really nothing heavy about doing this. It was actually really fun and has a lot of good memories attached to it.

    I just figured giving her one of only to copies would be really meaningful, especially since It's something I put almost 2 years of work into. Anyone could just go on Amazon and just order any generic Tarot deck. And as far as creating another one just for her... I don't think you realize what a huge undertaking this was. This was a massive project. You said don't do something over the top that takes months. But it seems like it would kind of insulting to just hand her something halfassed that I put very little effort into.

    Not trying to argue. If you don't think it's a good thing to do then that's fine. But I think you are misunderstanding the situation a little. It sounds like you think the whole deck is focused on my ex husband. That wasn't the case. He was on two cards and on one you can't even tell it's him. They were made in 2005-06 and he died in 2017 if that matters.
    Last edited by Cynder; 10-09-2020 at 05:47 PM.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Why don't you ask your girlfriend if she's interested in receiving a tarot card deck with an intimate picture of yourself and your ex?

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    It was a work of art you did at one time in your life. I would not hide it.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I can see wanting to link your past with your present might lend some continuity especially after your ex has passed away but I think the process of grieving and letting go and then transforming and recovering or creating a new future... shouldn't affect others in their journey (meaning your girlfriend's journey) or your new journey together as a couple. The deck carries a lot of personal history and weight. I'm more a fan of 'traveling light' wherever possible. My advice is to treasure the deck and share it with your girlfriend but keep it for yourself to look at, reminisce and altogether smile and be thankful about (in all those happy years and that happy experience of making it). I agree you shouldn't keep it a secret or feel you have to hide it. You can share it in the sense of showing it to your girlfriend at some point and sharing those parts of your life if you feel comfortable doing that but create some boundaries and a distinction between past and future, old and new.

    Move on with your girlfriend with a new deck together. Why not share one? I'm not familiar with tarot reading so you'll have to forgive me if this is a no-no. Or explore tarot reading together and give her a new deck of her own.

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    Well you almost seem to have made up your mind that you do want to give it to your girlfriend? Coz posters gave you some advice but you seem resistant to that advice? E.g. buying her a new Tarot deck. Personally I actually wouldn't want to receive something handmade that contains my partner's ex and also all THEIR friends and family. If it was something so personal like that then I would prefer they made something of us or something neutral. I understand it's not possible for you to make another deck for your girlfriend especially. So just personally I just wouldn't give this one to her. Also, I absolutely don't wish this for you, but if one day you broke up, this Tarot deck would have not just all your friends and your dead ex on it, but also your girlfriend's actual ex (you). I think that's kinda weird. Just personal opinion.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I write this as a person that studies and appreciates the tradition of the tarot.

    I think its a lovely idea and could see why you would want to share with those that modeled for you. They would keep as a keepsake and remembrance.

    but for someone so close to you? to use and learn to read them?

    it might be hard to connect to the deck and have the images resonate with her because there is so much of you in them.

    would it bother you if she chose not to use them but rather choose her own?

    I disagree its bad luck to buy your own. How the cards get to you are of little consequence. much like other mysterious articles, they seem to pick you.

    I have several decks. each ones has its own energies & were chosen for different reasons. If any had pictures of people I actual knew, it would probably influence how I read them.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    It was a work of art you did at one time in your life. I would not hide it.
    After reading these replies I've pretty much made up my mind that I won't do it. But I'm glad someone here actually gets it. To me, it would seem so silly (for lack of a better word) to get upset over the inclusion of someone's ex in an art project they did while they were still with them. And my girlfriend actually has a dead ex too, who died under similar circumstances. It's weird... that's one of the things we bonded over when we first started talking. Her and her ex weren't together when the death happened either, but they still were friends, etc. My girlfriend is a musician. She has written songs about her dead ex, and I've heard those songs. I see that as part of her past and part of who she is. We both lived pretty interesting lives before we met. We are both creative people. Personally I doubt my ex husband being on two of the cards would upset her. But I don't want to ask her because that kind of ruins the surprise. It's obvious she wants a Tarot deck. She was basically hinting around at it. So that's what I want to give her for Christmas this year. Anyway, thanks for replying.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Well you almost seem to have made up your mind that you do want to give it to your girlfriend? Coz posters gave you some advice but you seem resistant to that advice? E.g. buying her a new Tarot deck. Personally I actually wouldn't want to receive something handmade that contains my partner's ex and also all THEIR friends and family. If it was something so personal like that then I would prefer they made something of us or something neutral. I understand it's not possible for you to make another deck for your girlfriend especially. So just personally I just wouldn't give this one to her. Also, I absolutely don't wish this for you, but if one day you broke up, this Tarot deck would have not just all your friends and your dead ex on it, but also your girlfriend's actual ex (you). I think that's kinda weird. Just personal opinion.
    Ok... So because one person replied and thought the whole deck was a memorial to my ex and I pointed out that it wasn't (they were made over a decade before he died, memorials don't work that way.) that means I'm resistant to advice? Wow, lol.

    I can see not wanting to get something that an ex was involved with... but family and friends too? Honestly, if she had a problem with my family and my friends being a part of this project I did 15 years ago I would seriously rethink this relationship. Sorry but that is just asinine. There is only one person who modeled that I m no longer on speaking terms with. No falling out, we just drifted apart. Everyone else involved is still currently in my life on some level even if they live far away now and we are friends on Facebook. My significant other should be accepting of my loved ones and I wouldn't be with anyone who isn't. (And she is.)

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