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Thread: Weird question... situation involves my girlfriend and something from my past...

  1. #31
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    Actually it's not people being negative, I think it's just people giving their opinions and take on what was posted. I honestly don't expect you to actually agree with me. What I don't understand though is how people post asking for advice but then it's very obvious from their replies they already had their mind made up and they are disliking the advice they got which doesn't match what they already wanted. In that sense I don't really see the point of asking for that advice in the first place. If you already know what you want then you can just do it. I got the sense you were irritated by my first response because that tone was coming through. And you actually ignored my second post and you are only responding to people who said what you wanted. I think the most important thing is communication with your actual partner and seeing how THEY feel about it.

    If you think I don't understand about your ex, I do. I actually also have an ex of four years that committed suicide 17 years ago. I have some poetry and letters he wrote me that I keep in a folder, as well as a couple of little gifts he gave me. I like to keep them as memory of him. But I don't actually show those items or poetry to anyone I'm dating. That is only my choice though. If you and your partner want to share the music or other creative things about your ex's with each other, that is your choice in your relationship. To me though even having ashes of your ex who died a long time ago shows you are still holding on to them, because you haven't scattered the ashes. I would feel strange about it, but if your girlfriend doesn't then no problem of course.

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Actually it's not people being negative, I think it's just people giving their opinions and take on what was posted. I honestly don't expect you to actually agree with me. What I don't understand though is how people post asking for advice but then it's very obvious from their replies they already had their mind made up and they are disliking the advice they got which doesn't match what they already wanted. In that sense I don't really see the point of asking for that advice in the first place. If you already know what you want then you can just do it. I got the sense you were irritated by my first response because that tone was coming through. And you actually ignored my second post and you are only responding to people who said what you wanted. I think the most important thing is communication with your actual partner and seeing how THEY feel about it.

    If you think I don't understand about your ex, I do. I actually also have an ex of four years that committed suicide 17 years ago. I have some poetry and letters he wrote me that I keep in a folder, as well as a couple of little gifts he gave me. I like to keep them as memory of him. But I don't actually show those items or poetry to anyone I'm dating. That is only my choice though. If you and your partner want to share the music or other creative things about your ex's with each other, that is your choice in your relationship. To me though even having ashes of your ex who died a long time ago shows you are still holding on to them, because you haven't scattered the ashes. I would feel strange about it, but if your girlfriend doesn't then no problem of course.
    I agree and my questions and input were based totally on what the OP wrote and I also had no judgment - I just got this sense but perhaps it was the OP feeling defensive about sharing her concerns/quandary. It is a really individual thing meaning sharing stuff from the past and further individualized based on what the stuff is of coure.

  3. #33
    Gold Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    Cyndar,

    It sounds like you are two creative people who are a great match for each other. I'm sure she'll love the gift no matter what images are on it. It's everything a gift to a loved one should be: from the heart, something the other person will enjoy, something special and intimate that you share and have in common, one of a kind. You are lucky people to have found each other.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ShySoul
    Cyndar,

    It sounds like you are two creative people who are a great match for each other. I'm sure she'll love the gift no matter what images are on it. It's everything a gift to a loved one should be: from the heart, something the other person will enjoy, something special and intimate that you share and have in common, one of a kind. You are lucky people to have found each other.

    Yea, we are well matched. Tbh I pretty much lost all my faith in humanity before she came along. I've spent the last several years of my life traveling around working the festival circuit. I was set on being single for the rest of my life and making my art career and my business my only priority. My outlook was that people just suck and the more alone I am in life the better. She really worked hard to change my mind. And the ironic thing is I met her through my ex. There was nothing scandalous though, we just were both with other people when we met. She was dating my ex's friend. They were both out of the picture long before her and I started talking though. And I feel like she is so out of my league in a lot of ways. She has lived such an interesting life. She's lived all over the US. She's been a cook in 5 Star Restaurants in New Orleans. She has fronted multiple post punk/metal bands. She sings and plays multiple instruments. And on top of all that she is intelligent and drop dead gorgeous. At first I wondered why the hell anyone like her would want anything to do with me. But I'm not going to complain. We want who we want.

    And we grew up in the same town (A small town, population of about 20k.) We are the same age and back in our early 20s we hung out with a lot of the same people. She had her group of friends and I had my group, but there was so much overlap between them. And there was this guy we both knew who's house was kind of a party house. We both used to hang out at his place a lot. Things would have been a lot easier if we would have met back then. But everything happens for a reason and clearly we both had to go through a lot of crap before we were ready for each other I guess, lol.

    I went on the Adobe Stock site yesterday and found a handful of images that could be used for the Lovers. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to use the new image in both the prototype Decks or just in hers. The printer will likely charge another setup fee for a different deck even though it's only one card that is different.

    Anyway, sorry for rambling on so long. Thanks for replying. And also it's nice seeing someone of the people who were around back in the day back here. You and I are both old timers here on this forum, lol. :)

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Actually it's not people being negative, I think it's just people giving their opinions and take on what was posted. I honestly don't expect you to actually agree with me. What I don't understand though is how people post asking for advice but then it's very obvious from their replies they already had their mind made up and they are disliking the advice they got which doesn't match what they already wanted. In that sense I don't really see the point of asking for that advice in the first place. If you already know what you want then you can just do it. I got the sense you were irritated by my first response because that tone was coming through. And you actually ignored my second post and you are only responding to people who said what you wanted. I think the most important thing is communication with your actual partner and seeing how THEY feel about it.

    If you think I don't understand about your ex, I do. I actually also have an ex of four years that committed suicide 17 years ago. I have some poetry and letters he wrote me that I keep in a folder, as well as a couple of little gifts he gave me. I like to keep them as memory of him. But I don't actually show those items or poetry to anyone I'm dating. That is only my choice though. If you and your partner want to share the music or other creative things about your ex's with each other, that is your choice in your relationship. To me though even having ashes of your ex who died a long time ago shows you are still holding on to them, because you haven't scattered the ashes. I would feel strange about it, but if your girlfriend doesn't then no problem of course.
    On the subject of my ex's ashes, I never scattered them because I figured his family would probably contact me eventually and want them. He didn't have a will. He had no last requests about what he wanted done with them. His family all lives out of state and they were given to me because I was the closest to a next of kin around here. They are in a cardboard box in my studio buried under a bunch of stuff. I'm afraid if a time ever comes when I do scatter them, then that will be when his family finally comes around asking for them and it will cause all kinds of drama.

    I didn't already have my mind made up. Clearly you didn't see either of these times I said I wasn't going to do it, lol.

    Originally Posted by Cynder
    After reading these replies I've pretty much made up my mind that I won't do it.
    Originally Posted by Cynder
    I'm not going to do it.
    One person replied who misunderstood and thought the whole deck was created as a memorial to my ex husband. I replied pointing out that isn't the case. They were made long before he even died. I was just trying to keep the facts straight. Then you came along and said this based on one reply from me.

    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Well you almost seem to have made up your mind that you do want to give it to your girlfriend? Coz posters gave you some advice but you seem resistant to that advice?
    So based on one reply I am resisting advice according to you. You are jumping to that conclusion based on what you want to see. It seems like you just want something to complain about. Kinda funny really, lol.

    There are whole (recent) threads about how negative this place is. I've been here since 2004 off and on. I've seen the downward spiral. And sorry but I just can't take anyone seriously who would have a problem with seeing pics of their SOs family and friends. Only a seriously warped person would have a problem with seeing those pictures. Just my opinion though. And don't backpeddle and say you never said that either because it's pretty clear in black and white right here:

    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Personally I actually wouldn't want to receive something handmade that contains my partner's ex and also all THEIR friends and family.
    I'm done engaging with you. Clearly you just want to argue (made even more obvious by your comments about me not replying to you before) and I have better things to do with my time. Have a good one. :)
    Last edited by Cynder; 10-11-2020 at 11:47 AM.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cynder
    Clearly you just want to argue
    I get the opposite impression.

  8. #37
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    Originally Posted by Cynder
    On the subject of my ex's ashes, I never scattered them because I figured his family would probably contact me eventually and want them. He didn't have a will. He had no last requests about what he wanted done with them. His family all lives out of state and they were given to me because I was the closest to a next of kin around here. They are in a cardboard box in my studio buried under a bunch of stuff. I'm afraid if a time ever comes when I do scatter them, then that will be when his family finally comes around asking for them and it will cause all kinds of drama.

    I didn't already have my mind made up. Clearly you didn't see either of these times I said I wasn't going to do it, lol.





    One person replied who misunderstood and thought the whole deck was created as a memorial to my ex husband. I replied pointing out that isn't the case. They were made long before he even died. I was just trying to keep the facts straight. Then you came along and said this based on one reply from me.



    So based on one reply I am resisting advice according to you. You are jumping to that conclusion based on what you want to see. It seems like you just want something to complain about. Kinda funny really, lol.

    There are whole (recent) threads about how negative this place is. I've been here since 2004 off and on. I've seen the downward spiral. And sorry but I just can't take anyone seriously who would have a problem with seeing pics of their SOs family and friends. Only a seriously warped person would have a problem with seeing those pictures. Just my opinion though. And don't backpeddle and say you never said that either because it's pretty clear in black and white right here:



    I'm done engaging with you. Clearly you just want to argue (made even more obvious by your comments about me not replying to you before) and I have better things to do with my time. Have a good one. :)
    Wow, rude. Just to say one last thing. I absolutely have no problem with my partner's friends or family! Or anyone else's friends or family for that matter! You misunderstood me also. I'm not trying to "backpedal" because I did say that, but the meaning was not actually understood by you. The only thing I meant was that if my partner gives me a handmade gift which is meant to be special, I would prefer that gift to be about us/me/our relationship. E.g., pictures of us, our life, our pet, etc. To me it wouldn't hold the same meaning if it only has people I either don't know (long from 15 years ago), or I'm not particularly close to. And also that person's ex. I have zero problem with any of these people or their photos in general, but I just want something that's special to ME personally from my partner. If my partner wants to put photos up around our place of their friends and family, NO problem. I usually get along really well with partners' friends and family because I want my partner to know I'm making an effort. I meant I only prefer not to receive all photos of only my partner's friends, family and ex as a gift. There is a very big difference in my opinion between that and having an actual problem with photos of the friends and family in general.

    I was not rude or insulting to you and also am not actually arguing. I'm just talking and discussing like everyone else is posting and discussing. Calling me "seriously warped" is actually rude from your end. And saying "I'm done with you" because you are completely unwilling to actually engage in a discussion which doesn't match what you want.

    I personally don't think this whole forum is negative. I've been here since 2014 not on and off, but basically all the time. I've posted many times and I found the majority of people very supportive. I also see people being supportive to others. You get occasional trolls but that's normal for the Internet. I think receiving polite advice that doesn't match what you wanted is not "negative", it's just not what you wanted.

    I said many times, if you want to do what you want, your girlfriend wants it, absolutely you can do anything you like. Of course it's not up to me to tell you how to live your life. I was just pointing out that you seem very defensive and because I said something not to your expectation, you started semi mocking what I'm saying by saying things like "wow, lol" and other things. What I think is negative is not having the maturity to realise that not everyone's opinion is 100% like your own.
    Last edited by Tinydance; 10-11-2020 at 08:18 PM.

  9. #38
    Administrator kamurj's Avatar
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    The thread has run its course, closed.

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