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Thread: Weird question... situation involves my girlfriend and something from my past...

  1. #21
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    What a FABULOUS gift, and so timely!

    Speaking only for myself, I would be honored to receive the full deck, even if it included my partner's ex at that point in life. Everyone in those images contributed to the life and the creativity of someone I love, and I would value it always.

    If you have doubts about how GF might react to certain images, you could either ask her before presenting her with the deck, OR, you could gift the deck, and ask for a discussion about it before she reviews all of the cards.

    I'm so happy for you, Cynder, for finding these files and for having someone special to share them with--especially because she's already expressed an interest in the tarot.

    EnjOy!

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    "This is a pretty simple question and I don't feel like being judged today."
    "Thank you for actually getting it"

    So - I'm confused -is it simple or is it maybe not so simple - for you? Of course no one is judging you and no one likes to be judged! My take is that part of this is you want to see how your girlfriend will react -it sounds like this is a newish relationship - what her comfort level is, what her boundaries are and you are using the tarot cards as part of the test. As you wrote, if she reacts a certain way you'll rethink the whole relationship. That's fairly dramatic - especially since it's just about her expressing interest in tarot cards and perhaps also believing that it's bad luck to buy one's own deck.

    My other take is that perhaps you want her to accept you as a whole package -and your artistic/creative side is part of the deal -so you want to see if she truly accepts you as an artist. To you, that acceptance means she has to accept also that you as an artist are not an average person with more typical boundaries -that art takes precedence over any discomfort being given this gift that includes your ex as a lover and includes other personal stuff about your past. Have you had discussions about this general topic and do you feel that she respects you as a creative and artistic person -that she "gets it"?? Are you looking perhaps for drama (I say this because of your hypothetical that you'd rethink the whole relationship based on a potential reaction you'd see as asinine).

    I chatted with an artist through a dating website many years ago (I have dated artists, worked with artists, many friends who are artists of all different types) - and in our chat he told me about Burning Man which i didn't know about till then (but I do now!) - and I knew from what I knew about Burning Man that his proclivities and what he intended to do there/why he wanted to attend meant we would not be a match dating wise. We are actually connected on Linkedin -this was over 15 years ago -and I like seeing what he's doing with his career every couple of years that I come across his profile. But I knew I wouldn't be a match for someone who was a Burning Man fan. So your question -which to me is NOT simple in the least - at least to me -made me think particularly about boundaries with artists/creative types especially if the girlfriend or SO is not one.
    No boundary testing, no mind games going on here, nothing like that. Someone said she might have a problem with my friends and family all being involved in this project and I said I would rethink the relationship in that case. (But I already know she wouldn't have a problem with that. I was just trying to make a point.) I don't think that would be dramatic at all. Someone having a problem with my friends and family would be a huge red flag, not just to me but to most people.

    She is a creative person too. She's a musician and she's also been a Chef in five star restaurants. (I don't care what anyone tries to say, cooking is an art form in itself, especially at that level in the industry.) She has an ex who died under similar circumstances as my ex, and they were together around the same time, still friends when the ex passed, etc. She wrote songs about her ex, which she played for me one night. It was back when we first started talking. I was showing her some of my old short films from back in college and right after, and she started digging through all these old CDs and found a bunch of her old music. To me, personally, I just couldn't even imagine getting all butthurt over songs about her ex from 15 years ago. That is just ridiculous. I know everyone has a differing opinion but the past is the past. Someone else said the music doesn't present the same problem as the pictures but I don't really agree with that either. First of all why does it have to be a problem? And secondly, one is visual and the other is auditory, but it's still the same principle in my book.

    I already decided I'm not going to give them to her.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    But if you find yourself absolutely stymied, the easiest way to solve this problem would then be to ask her how she feels about it. Maybe show her a print of the deck before you give it to her. If she likes it, surprise her with her own copy.
    Actually I already did that. I showed them to her when I first found them on the hard drive and she loved them, that's why I was considering this in the first place.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    What a FABULOUS gift, and so timely!

    Speaking only for myself, I would be honored to receive the full deck, even if it included my partner's ex at that point in life. Everyone in those images contributed to the life and the creativity of someone I love, and I would value it always.

    If you have doubts about how GF might react to certain images, you could either ask her before presenting her with the deck, OR, you could gift the deck, and ask for a discussion about it before she reviews all of the cards.

    I'm so happy for you, Cynder, for finding these files and for having someone special to share them with--especially because she's already expressed an interest in the tarot.

    EnjOy!
    This was exactly my thought process. I was honored when she played a bunch of her old music for me, even the songs she wrote about her ex. That's not something she shares with hardly anyone so I felt really privileged. Right now I can only afford to have 2 copies made on the first run. I wanted to make the first two copies a little bigger and keep one and give her the other one, then all the other ones printed after that would be a little smaller. I showed them to her when I first found the hard drive and she loved them.

    I was pretty convinced not to do it based on the replies I got here... until this one. I know her better than a bunch of strangers on a forum do. And the outlook here is generally negative (Why I hardly ever post anymore.) Some people here seem to think everyone is just out to get their SO. From my perspective I am thinking wow, this would be such an amazing thing to give her since she wants a Tarot deck and loves my art. I do think I will make a different image for that card, though. An image of her and I would almost be out of the question though since she hates having her picture taken.

    Anyway, thanks so much for replying. And yea, I was ecstatic when I found them. And since it was all data recovery files, none of them were named. I just opened this folder with hundreds of Photoshop files in it and they all were just file1, file2, file3, etc. I opened Photoshop and started going through them and almost started crying. And then I had to go through and rename every single file and organize them into folders which was a chore. Worth it though.

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  6. #25
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    I'm also glad you found them -very lucky!! - and had you still been considering it yes I agree what a creative and unique and special gift.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I'm also glad you found them -very lucky!! - and had you still been considering it yes I agree what a creative and unique and special gift.
    Well now I do lan on it. Catfeeder pretty much changed my mind. I'm going to figure out something else for that card though. It likely won't be an image of her and I, though, since she hates having her picture taken. I am an Adobe Stock member, maybe I could find a good photo of a couple on there. I would rather not do that though since I try to avoid using stock photos whenever possible.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cynder
    Well now I do lan on it. Catfeeder pretty much changed my mind. I'm going to figure out something else for that card though. It likely won't be an image of her and I, though, since she hates having her picture taken. I am an Adobe Stock member, maybe I could find a good photo of a couple on there. I would rather not do that though since I try to avoid using stock photos whenever possible.
    You could use and modify the stock photo as an FPO to avoid holding this up for too long. In other words, lean IN to the synchronicity of her interest, the fast find and the buzz of enjoyment. Don't overcomplicate this, but rather use the stock as the 'booby prize' card, and then you can relax and enjoy creating a new vision for the real card.

    And BTW, thank you for sharing this lovely experience with us!

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    You could use and modify the stock photo as an FPO to avoid holding this up for too long. In other words, lean IN to the synchronicity of her interest, the fast find and the buzz of enjoyment. Don't overcomplicate this, but rather use the stock as the 'booby prize' card, and then you can relax and enjoy creating a new vision for the real card.

    And BTW, thank you for sharing this lovely experience with us!
    YW,

    Question, what does FRO mean?

    Also, if anyone is curious what style of art I'm talking about... below are the Death card and the Princess of Swords. No, the Princess of Swords isn't me if anyone is wondering, it's a friend of mine.


    [Register to see the link] [Register to see the link]

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cynder
    Actually I already did that. I showed them to her when I first found them on the hard drive and she loved them, that's why I was considering this in the first place.
    So, run off one prototype deck and put it in her hand. If she's excited about it, tell her she can have it; it can be her set. If she has any hang-ups about the Lovers card, then you can change that one card and print a second set set for her.

    Unless of course there's a 2-for1 deal at the printer and you'd lose the deal if you only print one at a time.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cynder
    YW,

    Question, what does FRO mean?

    Also, if anyone is curious what style of art I'm talking about... below are the Death card and the Princess of Swords. No, the Princess of Swords isn't me if anyone is wondering, it's a friend of mine.


    [Register to see the link] [Register to see the link]
    FPO means 'For Placement Only', it's a placeholder.

    I'm sorry, I hit an error on the links, but I'm sure they're terrific.

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