Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 38

Thread: Weird question... situation involves my girlfriend and something from my past...

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    The Rocinante'
    Posts
    2,504
    Originally Posted by Lambert
    I write this as a person that studies and appreciates the tradition of the tarot.

    I think its a lovely idea and could see why you would want to share with those that modeled for you. They would keep as a keepsake and remembrance.

    but for someone so close to you? to use and learn to read them?

    it might be hard to connect to the deck and have the images resonate with her because there is so much of you in them.

    would it bother you if she chose not to use them but rather choose her own?

    I disagree its bad luck to buy your own. How the cards get to you are of little consequence. much like other mysterious articles, they seem to pick you.

    I have several decks. each ones has its own energies & were chosen for different reasons. If any had pictures of people I actual knew, it would probably influence how I read them.
    I don't think it's bad luck to buy them either, and I've been reading for over 20 years. But I've heard that a lot from other people. And if that's what she believes then she has a right to believe that. I only use one deck. I bought it and I've been using it since 2002. (The Crowley Deck, if you're curious.)

    I can see your point about images of people who are familiar, etc. The photos are digitally manipulated and everyone is made up/dressed up to the point where they don't look like themselves. I wanted the whole thing to be really dramatic.

    I'm not going to do it. I am pretty amused by people telling me to just make a new deck likes that's just something you do just on a whim. You probably understand that. And her and I live together, so it would be inda hard to just do that under the radar and surprise her.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    N/A
    Posts
    2,982
    Originally Posted by Cynder
    I don't think it's bad luck to buy them either, and I've been reading for over 20 years. But I've heard that a lot from other people. And if that's what she believes then she has a right to believe that. I only use one deck. I bought it and I've been using it since 2002. (The Crowley Deck, if you're curious.)

    I can see your point about images of people who are familiar, etc. The photos are digitally manipulated and everyone is made up/dressed up to the point where they don't look like themselves. I wanted the whole thing to be really dramatic.

    I'm not going to do it. I am pretty amused by people telling me to just make a new deck likes that's just something you do just on a whim. You probably understand that. And her and I live together, so it would be inda hard to just do that under the radar and surprise her.
    oh sorry! I didn't catch that its her belief about the bad luck. I agree. if that's her thing, then she needs it to be gifted

    I totally love that you created a deck. I've thought of doing one, too. but it is such a huge undertaking. one card would take forever! lol I know I couldn't do it.

    There is a book I highly recommend. it is way more than just interpretation. 78 Degrees of Wisdom A Tarot Journey to Self -awareness by Rachel Pollack

  3. #13
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    6,917
    How about you just print those ones out for yourself & family- who want it?

    And just get her another kind of set of cards? Since i feel what you did & all the work- is more personal, for you.

  4. #14
    Silver Member ShySoul's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Where love guides our hearts and actions
    Age
    37
    Posts
    5,291
    Gender
    Male
    Your ex was an important part of your life for a long time. They passed away. I would hope that your current partner would understand that and not feel bad that he was a part of the project. Clearly this project means a lot to you and I think it should stay intact. As long as the image isn't anything that would make someone uncomfortable, keep it as it is. Give it to her. It's a unique, romantic gesture that would be really significant for the two of you.

    Would it be possible to re-do the Lovers card with her? Would you be comfortable with that? You can still keep the original deck intact, but you would have one card specifically for her. It could be a fun experience, something to share and bring you closer together. I don't know much about Tarot cards or the process, so sorry if that wouldn't be practical. But it could be an interesting alternative.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    The Rocinante'
    Posts
    2,504
    Originally Posted by SooSad33
    How about you just print those ones out for yourself & family- who want it?

    And just get her another kind of set of cards? Since i feel what you did & all the work- is more personal, for you.
    They weren't created as a personal way for me to work through emotions, etc. They were created to publish/sell.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    The Rocinante'
    Posts
    2,504
    Originally Posted by ShySoul
    Your ex was an important part of your life for a long time. They passed away. I would hope that your current partner would understand that and not feel bad that he was a part of the project. Clearly this project means a lot to you and I think it should stay intact. As long as the image isn't anything that would make someone uncomfortable, keep it as it is. Give it to her. It's a unique, romantic gesture that would be really significant for the two of you.

    Would it be possible to re-do the Lovers card with her? Would you be comfortable with that? You can still keep the original deck intact, but you would have one card specifically for her. It could be a fun experience, something to share and bring you closer together. I don't know much about Tarot cards or the process, so sorry if that wouldn't be practical. But it could be an interesting alternative.
    Thank you for actually getting it. To me it seems like giving her one of only two prototype copies would be a really meaningful thing. Like she is a musician. If she found some really old recorded stuff her band did and only could afford to have two CD made, and she have me one that would make me really happy even if her ex was somehow involved.

    Traditionally the Lovers are a man and a woman. I feel like if I made the Lovers two woman I would have to make other changes because it would be taken as this huge feminist statement etc... especially now when everyone is offended by everything. But I could do another version of it just for her copy. How to do that without giving away the surprise wo u old be hard but I'm sure I could figure something out. The original.pic was him and I standing fave to face looking each other in the eyes. It is both of our profiles against a textured background. I might be able to recreate that with her and I without even having to shoot it as one picture. She also hates having her picture taken, which would create a whole other set of issues.

    I'm on my phone so sorry if there are typos. Thanks for replying.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,214
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Cynder
    Ok... So because one person replied and thought the whole deck was a memorial to my ex and I pointed out that it wasn't (they were made over a decade before he died, memorials don't work that way.) that means I'm resistant to advice? Wow, lol.

    I can see not wanting to get something that an ex was involved with... but family and friends too? Honestly, if she had a problem with my family and my friends being a part of this project I did 15 years ago I would seriously rethink this relationship. Sorry but that is just asinine. There is only one person who modeled that I m no longer on speaking terms with. No falling out, we just drifted apart. Everyone else involved is still currently in my life on some level even if they live far away now and we are friends on Facebook. My significant other should be accepting of my loved ones and I wouldn't be with anyone who isn't. (And she is.)
    Well at the end of the day this is your relationship and needless to say, you are totally free to do as you prefer. You just asked for advice, so I was trying to give advice. I'm not a paid therapist here so my advice was just my own personal opinion. I would say the best thing to do would be to actually ask your girlfriend how she feels about it. Unless you're not able to ask her because you want it to be a surprise? At the end of the day you only have to care about your girlfriend's feelings, not anyone on this forum.

    I do actually understand your situation and that these Tarot cards were really special to you. If it was me though, to me these Tarot cards would signify a time in your life when you were with your husband. And that Lovers card is about the love you had with him. Absolutely this is a special project, but it wouldn't be special to ME because it's not about me or my relationship with you. It's from your past and has your previous relationship on it.

    Also regarding friends and family. I wasn't implying at all that your girlfriend has any problem with your friends or family. I just think if it was me, I would want it to be MY friends and family on it. Unless you share all the same friends. For example, my best friend made me a custom made photo album for my 30th Birthday. She took photos off Facebook of me with all my friends, my parents. She didn't have her friends on there because she wanted it to be about me. If one day you broke up, these Tarot cards would have her ex and people who are not even in her life anymore.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    5,076
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Cynder
    If she found some really old recorded stuff her band did and only could afford to have two CD made, and she have me one that would make me really happy even if her ex was somehow involved.
    Yes, but her music doesn't include the same type of "problem" that your tarot deck includes, even if it is influenced by her ex.

    Originally Posted by Cynder
    Ok, so here is the problem... the Lovers card. The Lovers card is a pic of my ex husband and I. And it's a pretty intimate picture.
    I also very much like the idea of creating another Lover's card for her deck. Sounds like a worthy challenge for a new love.

    Originally Posted by Cynder
    But I could do another version of it just for her copy..... I might be able to recreate that with her and I without even having to shoot it as one picture. She also hates having her picture taken, which would create a whole other set of issues.
    Digital art is so flexible. The limit is your creativity.

    But if you find yourself absolutely stymied, the easiest way to solve this problem would then be to ask her how she feels about it. Maybe show her a print of the deck before you give it to her. If she likes it, surprise her with her own copy.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    52,168
    "This is a pretty simple question and I don't feel like being judged today."
    "Thank you for actually getting it"

    So - I'm confused -is it simple or is it maybe not so simple - for you? Of course no one is judging you and no one likes to be judged! My take is that part of this is you want to see how your girlfriend will react -it sounds like this is a newish relationship - what her comfort level is, what her boundaries are and you are using the tarot cards as part of the test. As you wrote, if she reacts a certain way you'll rethink the whole relationship. That's fairly dramatic - especially since it's just about her expressing interest in tarot cards and perhaps also believing that it's bad luck to buy one's own deck.

    My other take is that perhaps you want her to accept you as a whole package -and your artistic/creative side is part of the deal -so you want to see if she truly accepts you as an artist. To you, that acceptance means she has to accept also that you as an artist are not an average person with more typical boundaries -that art takes precedence over any discomfort being given this gift that includes your ex as a lover and includes other personal stuff about your past. Have you had discussions about this general topic and do you feel that she respects you as a creative and artistic person -that she "gets it"?? Are you looking perhaps for drama (I say this because of your hypothetical that you'd rethink the whole relationship based on a potential reaction you'd see as asinine).

    I chatted with an artist through a dating website many years ago (I have dated artists, worked with artists, many friends who are artists of all different types) - and in our chat he told me about Burning Man which i didn't know about till then (but I do now!) - and I knew from what I knew about Burning Man that his proclivities and what he intended to do there/why he wanted to attend meant we would not be a match dating wise. We are actually connected on Linkedin -this was over 15 years ago -and I like seeing what he's doing with his career every couple of years that I come across his profile. But I knew I wouldn't be a match for someone who was a Burning Man fan. So your question -which to me is NOT simple in the least - at least to me -made me think particularly about boundaries with artists/creative types especially if the girlfriend or SO is not one.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    2,240
    Gender
    Female
    Omit that one card and do a new one...simple.

Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •