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Thread: I asked him on a date, he said he is busy but did not suggest a new day

  1. #1
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    I asked him on a date, he said he is busy but did not suggest a new day

    I met this guy on bumble. After talking for a few days, I asked him on a date. He said he had plans but would be happy to meet up another time. But did not suggest when that time would be. He is still texting me, sending me pictures of things he comes across in his day, telling me about his day etc.

    I am however not looking for a penpal. Should I ghost him or keep talking to him until HE suggests to meet up?

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    It honestly sounds like heís looking for a pen pal and may not be interested but just lonely. I donít think ghosting is nice if youíve been having conversations. Just talk to other guys on there.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok stop the extraneous texting, and instead talk to and meet others. He could be a time waster or meeting others. If he doesn't respond to one more suggestion to get a coffee, block and delete him.
    Originally Posted by StrawberryCake
    I met this guy on bumble. After talking for a few days, I asked him on a date.

    did not suggest when that time would be. He is still texting me, sending me pictures of things he comes across in his day, telling me about his day etc

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I don't recommend ghosting. I know its common and all, but it is low class.

    I'd say something like... I asked you to meet. Are you interested in doing that?

    Don't let other people make you conform to their needs... if you don't want to be a pen pal then don't be one. you don't have to explain yourself or whatever but you can be direct and cut to the chase.

    he may ghost you after this comment but problem solved either way.

    you may find that he likes to talk more before meeting or what not. everyone is different. he may not have ill intentions. so its best to just be open but not accusatory.

    sometimes these early on conflicts show incompatibilities overall. you are not on the same page from the go. So maybe best to not waste your time. this guy is a stranger... you could be talking to anyone.

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  6. #5
    Member WalterSobcha's Avatar
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    No one can know for sure if he is not interested, or if it's just that he's oblivious to the fact the ball is now in his court.

    I would not ghost, but I would keep limited, fairly distant contact. Once he notices you're not very "penpal-y" anymore, he may get the hint that he's losing you and may act on it.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It sounds as though he had placed you in the friend zone. Any guy who was actually into you, would have wanted to have seen you and been on a date with you by now.

    Don't lower yourself to ask twice, it will look like desperation. There's other men out there than him.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Rather than keep chatting online, tell him that "you've enjoyed your chats and would love to continue chatting in person if he can let you know when he is available for a meet up". If he still ignores, doesn't respond, tells you he is busy then you have your answer - he is only looking for a pen pal.

    At some point, you really do need ask yourself - do you really want to press someone so hard to meet you? In my experience, people who are in a good place in life and are ready to date, date. They have no problems arranging a quick meet up. Those who drag their feet, want to chat too long online are people to stay away from. They've got issues you don't want to deal with.

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Rather than keep chatting online, tell him that "you've enjoyed your chats and would love to continue chatting in person if he can let you know when he is available for a meet up". If he still ignores, doesn't respond, tells you he is busy then you have your answer - he is only looking for a pen pal.
    I agree with this.
    In my days on line dated I would mention early on that seeing that I sit in front of a pc all day for work, I am not very inclined go home and do the same. The same goes with any forms of electronic communication. I might text in moderation, but my goal is meet someone and see if there is a connection. If this doesn't work for you, I totally understand. <next>

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Make a time limit for yourself. When I did OLD, 2 weeks was my limit. At that point, I'd say something like: I think we've learned all we can learn about each other through texts, e-mails, calls, etc. I'm on here to date, so if that's not happening, I'll be moving on.

    In the meantime, don't feel the need to immediately respond to his texts, limiting you time with him on that. Because he could just like the ego boost but nothing more than that.

  11. #10
    Silver Member Dalesboy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Rather than keep chatting online, tell him that "you've enjoyed your chats and would love to continue chatting in person if he can let you know when he is available for a meet up". If he still ignores, doesn't respond, tells you he is busy then you have your answer - he is only looking for a pen pal.

    At some point, you really do need ask yourself - do you really want to press someone so hard to meet you? In my experience, people who are in a good place in life and are ready to date, date. They have no problems arranging a quick meet up. Those who drag their feet, want to chat too long online are people to stay away from. They've got issues you don't want to deal with.

    Very much in agreement with DF. After chatting on a dating site for a few days (week max), I always suggest we meet. Its very easy to get stuck into text chats and never move beyond it. I'm close to asking someone I'm chatting to if we can meet as I'm getting twitchy we are close to that text buddy threshold.

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