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Thread: Should I write him a letter?

  1. #1
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    Should I write him a letter?

    I'm thinking about writing a letter to my ex who ended our 4 year relationship 6 weeks ago by text and has been ignoring my texts. He says he isnt ignoring me but doesn't want the conversation to turn sour but he ended our relationship by text with no chance of me having a discussion with him about why etc has left me so hurt and I have told him how hurt i am after all our time together and all I have done for him it has made me feel so upset that he couldn't sit me down and talk to me face to face and give me what I deserved. He was cruel as he said the reason was I smelt and challenged him by saying I wasnt going to shower in the morning when I was at his but would have one at home, bearing in mind I had a shower the night before so I know I dont smell and people have said that's his way of making me feel like it was my fault. This guy has a lot of issues and tells me he cant love but I really wanted to be with him and loved him that much that I took a chance on being with him knowing this and he knew I understood him which is another reason why I feel I deserved to be spoken to at the end and not texted and then ignored like I have done something bad to him. I was thinking of putting in the letter how much I loved him and how hurt I am that he did this to me the way he did. However I have already told him this in the texts that he ignored so wonder what is the point? Should I send him the letter, I just want him to know how much he has hurt me and how unfair it was what he did but I also wonder if he even cares. I feel he cant care otherwise he would have said he knows I'm hurt and that he is sorry for hurting me. We did have a lot of fun together despite his issues but yes if I'm being honest he was never affectionate unless he wanted to be and I could sense he didnt love me like I loved him but I didn't think he would end it with me like this after 4 years, I thought he at least cared about me. Should I just leave it? I know I probably should as he should already know how hurt I must be but I guess I want him to show me that he is at least sorry for that but am I looking for something he just cant give me? But that is what is hurting me the most.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Write it but don't send it. Keep in mind, something in writing is something he can bring to his local police as evidence of your harassing and badgering him. Stop contacting him.

    Write the letter in the "Post here instead of contacting your ex!" thread: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by What a mug
    I'm thinking about writing a letter to my ex who ended our 4 year relationship 6 weeks ago by text and has been ignoring my texts.

    I was thinking of putting in the letter how much I loved him and how hurt I am that he did this to me the way he did. However I have already told him this in the texts that he ignored so wonder what is the point?

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by What a mug
    Should I just leave it? I know I probably should as he should already know how hurt I must be but I guess I want him to show me that he is at least sorry for that but am I looking for something he just cant give me?
    Yes, you should just leave it.

    All your threads indicate that this was not the relationship you desperately wanted it to be. It's not going to happen now either, Mug. You need to let go of him and learn to live with the idea that he isn't going to be the man you are looking for.

  4. #4
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    He wasn't an ex, he was a FWB who treated you like trash. He was also awful to your kids. Why was that OK for you? . Don't you think you should focus on them!

    Why do you continue to pursue this? He does not care/sorry or he would not have done what he did.

    I don't understand why you continued with all of this for FOUR years? Do you usually choose these types of toxic situations?

    We have already advised you numerous times to leave him alone and accept it's done.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 10-09-2020 at 10:19 AM.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Don't send him anything. You have to move on with your life and let it sink in that it's over. Break ups are hard for that reason because it's about shifting realities and creating new ones for your yourself. You're focusing your energies on the wrong things. All of it is wasted on this person, trying to recall what cannot be your reality any longer going forward. It also sounds like he was a real piece of work from your description of the way he treated you. Continuing to lavish energy and time on this person is like pouring water on a rock. Start spending more time on your own health and wellbeing. The whole focus has to change.

    You can do it, turn things around. Don't slide backwards.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Wasting your time...he doesn't want to resolve anything. He is being cruel, and ignoring your text messages because he wants to be left alone, wants his space....he knew you were going to be going after him, that's why he's shut you out.

    Write a letter but don't send it that's what I would advise....putting pen to paper will help you start with the healing process. You are grieving to loss, and this comes in stages. Look up 5 stages of recovery after a breakup.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    OP, it's not that he doesn't know, it's that he doesn't care and isn't even remotely sorry about it. He did what he wanted to and how he wanted to.

    Look, if you got robbed while walking down the street, would you be running after the robber yelling at him to stop and give you a hug and make you feel better and demand that he tell you he is sorry for robbing you? No, right? You understand that he robbed you because he meant to, wanted to and is not sorry at all about it. SAME THING. This guy you wasted 4 years on meant to treat you like dirt, mean to hurt you, meant to dump you - so stop looking for him to make you feel better.

    What will make you feel better is dealing with your codependent issues. It's madness on your end that you get treated worse than dirt and continue to cling and cling to a toxic psycho.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    OP, it's not that he doesn't know, it's that he doesn't care and isn't even remotely sorry about it. He did what he wanted to and how he wanted to.

    Look, if you got robbed while walking down the street, would you be running after the robber yelling at him to stop and give you a hug and make you feel better and demand that he tell you he is sorry for robbing you? No, right? You understand that he robbed you because he meant to, wanted to and is not sorry at all about it. SAME THING. This guy you wasted 4 years on meant to treat you like dirt, mean to hurt you, meant to dump you - so stop looking for him to make you feel better.

    What will make you feel better is dealing with your codependent issues. It's madness on your end that you get treated worse than dirt and continue to cling and cling to a toxic psycho.
    Love the robber analogy.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    He isn't taking your call because he doesn't want to hear it. Do you really think if you wrote him a letter he'd be interested in reading it?
    Letters/emails are way easier to ignore than a phone call or text.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    don't write him. don't ever allow him to talk to you again. you know everything you need to know about this guy and what he has to offer.

    don't use pity and martyrdom to make people somehow validate you or make you feel better about yourself. your feelings are your responsibility.

    When someone treats you poorly, you get away from them. you don't allow them to do it again.

    instead of wasting your time on him... write yourself a letter and ask yourself why you need this guy to care? and why you don't think you deserve better and why you tolerated being treated this way?

    look at those reasons and work on your own self esteem and confidence. so you are better equipped to recognize a jerk in the first place and get away from them sooner.

    love yourself...

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