Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 19 of 19

Thread: Should I write him a letter?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    Somewhere Out There
    Age
    38
    Posts
    2,025
    Gender
    Female
    You need to ask yourself what you would get out of writing him a letter. Because you know hes not going to respond or even take it seriously. I think you want closure but you may not get it from him, so you need to get it from yourself by blocking and moving on.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    California
    Posts
    11,230
    Gender
    Female
    I had to come back and be honest and admit that I write these type of letters every time. But I don't do it for them, to get through to them or to get the last word in.
    I write these letters for myself. I purge all my thoughts that I am probably obsessing about in the moment. I write a brutally honest account of everything that transpired. All his wrong doings and my regrets
    It's very cathartic. I keep it close by and refer to it whenever I am doubting myself and feeling vulnerable.
    I think we slip into romanticizing about what happened and deny the truth when we are hurting.
    I feel much more centered when I reread what I wrote. I also never send it.
    The best response to someone like him is your silence.
    The best outcome is you that move on and are happier and a better person without him.
    I say go ahead and write it. But not if you are tempted to send it.
    Do it for yourself.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    14,443
    Focus on your kids. Stop trying to reconcile with this horrible man. Treat yourself well.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    4,381
    Gender
    Female
    If he didn't even care enough about you to do the right think and break up in person after a whole 4 years together, what makes you think he would care about anything you write in a letter?

    Someone like that deserves no more space in your head, so move on, which can only be done with no more contact.

    Never cross an ocean for someone who won't even jump over a puddle for you.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,736
    Gender
    Female
    You posted this not long ago, the part about you smelling bad is what reminded me I'd already read this. Did you not like what people said the first time around?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    6,918
    I feel he gave you the run around and any excuse to weasel his way out of it all.

    But, you knew from what he said.. he can't 'love'., so was a chance YOU took.

    No, dont do a letter to tell him you love him- he knows. And that he hurt you- he knows.

    Best to just leave him be.. dont beg.. dont chase. ( If you do, you can drive them further away).

    He may have cared, yes.. But in the end, he came out & let you go- instead of faking it anymore
    Neither one of you need to carry on any further.

    Yes, it hurts.. when we take that chance in getting involved :/.

    Walk away.. expect nothing more.. and focus on YOU now... self care.. work on healing from this experience.

    One day at a time,

  8. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,307
    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    You posted this not long ago, the part about you smelling bad is what reminded me I'd already read this. Did you not like what people said the first time around?
    I'm sure there will be a third with the same question.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    14,443
    Mug, you post every few days about how sad you are about this breakup, you don't respond to what people write, then you come back and post again.

    What is it about this man that has you loving him so much? He treated you horribly and yet you want to go back to him. I can't understand why.

    Can you please direct this love you have for him toward yourself? Can you focus on your kids and stop thinking you must have this man in your life? He made you miserable; not having that misery in your life is a good thing not a bad thing.

  10. #19
    Silver Member ShySoul's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Where love guides our hearts and actions
    Age
    37
    Posts
    5,283
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I had to come back and be honest and admit that I write these type of letters every time. But I don't do it for them, to get through to them or to get the last word in. I write these letters for myself. I purge all my thoughts that I am probably obsessing about in the moment. I write a brutally honest account of everything that transpired. All his wrong doings and my regrets Do it for yourself.
    Exactly what you should do. Write the letter, but not for him or to get him back. Write it for you. Write it to purge yourself of all the emotions you are going through. Pour yourself into it and exhaust yourself. Be honest about what both sides did/didn't do. Then keep it for yourself and use it to remind yourself of what has happened and as an honest accounting of what the relationship was really like. When you start to feel that it was all sunshine and love, the letter can bring you back to reality. I actually did write a letter, spelling everything out. I sent it. Then I stepped away. I needed to do it for me. Her reaction didn't matter since it was about giving me the peace of mind I needed. So do what you need to for your healing. But don't do anything if it's about getting a reaction from him.

    I know what it's like to be hung up on someone who was only hurting you. You don't want to give up the romantic image you had and believe everything will be different if only you can find the right way to change things. But you can't change someone who doesn't want to change. If he doesn't want what you want and is bringing you pain, there has to come a point where you let it go. Not letting go will only continue to hurt you. Don't let him have that kind of control over you. You deserve better.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •