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Thread: Speechless and not knowing how to feel

  1. #1

    Speechless and not knowing how to feel

    I was being nice to someone who i thought was my friend we have been friends and got close in half a year I always try my best to help them when they have troubles, they push me away multiple times but expect me soon to help them afterward. today, they get mad over something and push me away yet again. I give them space. They expect me to help them. I said no because i am busy and tired of being pushed away next thing I know, they told me our friendship was fake the entire time, used me for money and sympathy "used me like a toy" was the way they described me although i said to him i want others happy over me because i care for my friends deeply they tell me I'm a pathetic loser that likes to get stepped on by people smarter than me

    How should I feel? literally, I'm lost for words and just numb i want to cry but cant i want to get mad but i cant

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    You should feel lucky that this person showed you their true face. You can now move on knowing that they were no good. In the same time, this is a learning opportunity. Wanting others to be happy "over you" is not a healthy approach to life, and especially if these people keep treating you inconsiderately "multiple times". People tend to treat us as good as we treat ourselves. You need to prioritize your happiness so that you treat yourself with the same consideration as you treat other people and you need to enforce boundaries when they step out of line. Giving a second chance to someone is ok if their indiscretion was not too big but giving out multiple chances to people who mistreat you is a mistake. You sound like a very nice person who treats others with consideration. You need to treat yourself with that same consideration and avoid people like him in the future. Overall, even though this experience turned our to be disappointing, it is a valuable learning opportunity. Try not to feel too sad about it. You will meet other people. Better people. Good luck.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by Annoyneop
    How should I feel? literally, I'm lost for words and just numb i want to cry but cant i want to get mad but i cant
    You should be relieved that this person is finally doing what you haven't had the courage to, which is ending this toxic friendship.

    I understand why you're hurt, to be clear. However, it sounds like there's a grain of truth in what this loon said, meaning that you have permitted him to treat you poorly. When someone expects your help but repeatedly pushes you away, don't keep offering your help and don't maintain the friendship. I realize you have finally reached that point but it sounds as though you should have cut this person off a while ago.

    Ask yourself: what were you getting out of this friendship, exactly? Do you have feelings stronger than friendship for him and were hoping he'd want more with you, too?

  4. #4
    Thank you for the advice it dose seem to have an impact on me thankfully thinking it over i was able to accept it without going through any uh grief? Not sure if thats correct but it's a way for me to grow

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  6. #5
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    There is not a single friendship that is selfless.
    We become friends with people for a reason. And that reason is actually selfish. We are all guilty of that. But thatís normal.

    So this person has revealed their reason they befriended you.
    And was for sympathy and money.

    So, now tell us what the reason you befriended them was?
    What did YOU gain from it?
    I mean you essentially ended the friendship presumably because you were getting nothing out of it?

    And if thatís the case , why be upset?

    Can you please clarify?
    Thanks.

  7. #6
    Originally Posted by Billie28
    There is not a single friendship that is selfless.
    We become friends with people for a reason. And that reason is actually selfish. We are all guilty of that. But thatís normal.

    So this person has revealed their reason they befriended you.
    And was for sympathy and money.

    So, now tell us what the reason you befriended them was?
    What did YOU gain from it?
    I mean you essentially ended the friendship presumably because you were getting nothing out of it?

    And if thatís the case , why be upset?

    Can you please clarify?
    Thanks.
    I don't want to seem like a the better person or whatever the way to say it but i honestly didn't ask anything back just his friendship I guess i asked for acceptance? But even that I knew wasn't really the big reason mostly we were friends because we shared the same interests although I showed my appreciation to the thing we both liked while he was more reserved in any case i always knew he wasn't be truthful it took me long to realize that that is on my part for being careless about my own feelings or thoughts

  8. #7
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    And were you giving this guy money, OP?

  9. #8
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    And were you giving this guy money, OP?
    A little yeah but kept it at the minimum in total maybe 50$ i knew if I over did it I will be "Money bags to him" and even then I never gave him more than 10 yes I know even still I shouldn't have given him in thr first place

  10. #9
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    Good that it was only a small amount.

    Would you say that you liked him as more than a friend?

  11. #10
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Good that it was only a small amount.

    Would you say that you liked him as more than a friend?
    Yeah I can say that kinda like a best friend but even so I guess it really hit me hard since he really did play me like a fiddle so now that I'm thinking about it. Its really a wake up call to me

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