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Thread: Is this over?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Focus on self improvement and how you cope in stressful situations. Women want a man they can depend on, and have strong work ethic, no dependency.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    I am sorry but she has checked out. She probably checked out some time ago but didn't know how to break it to you.

    You are way late to the change who you are game because even if you did the work and actually changed her view of you is set and no amount of words will change her mind.

    Your best bet is to do exactly what she asked for which is space and while you are giving her that space work on yourself!!! Get help discovering your faults and help undoing those traits but don't do it for her, do it for yourself and your life.

    If you are able to become a better version of yourself and walk the walk she will notice and just maybe she will reach out to try again but don't sit around waiting because the odds are against you.

    Use this breakup as a catalyst for change so when you meet someone new you will not make the same mistakes.

    Be prepared to find out she has been talking to someone else. It is going to hurt but it will also help drive the last bit of hope from your heart and allow you to fully move on.

    Break ups suck and hurt like hell but if you use it as motivation to be a better person something good can come from it.

    Lost

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    She has made up her mind that she no longer wants to be in a relationship with you and broke up with you.

    She didn't like your insecurity and groveling. You need to work on that for the future in your future relationship with someone else. You've learned that in the future, you need to exercise self control and think before you act, speak and write. No one wants to be with someone who acts like a leech because you make them feel nervous and uncomfortable.

    Know how to enforce healthy boundaries with everyone in your life.

    Consider your previous relationship with your ex-girlfriend as a done deal. You need to move on because she has.

    I agree, better not to remain friends. Live and learn.

  4. #14

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    Consider the breakup as a test

    Contrary to what other people are saying, I do believe you have a chance... On the long term. In my opinion, youíre in the best position to reverse the situation. She lost attraction because of neediness. Sheís basically telling you how to change that. Consider the breakup as a test from her (even if itís probably unconscious). By reaching out to her, youíre proving that sheís right: youíre needy and need her. Itís not attractive. The best thing to do? Indefinite no contact. You stop reaching out and you leave her alone. Just by doing that, youíre proving that you donít need her. Sheís expecting you to reach out and EVERY TIME you reach out, you disrespect her decision (because YES reaching out means youíre disrespecting her decision), you validate her decision to breakup with you by reaching out.

    So first step, SILENCE. SHE has to be the one to reach out. She knows it. After all, sheís the one who ended it. Your silence = you have self respect.

    Second, you build your success. You work on your projects and career. No matter how much a woman is a feminist and independent, she still wants to be with a man whoís successful and she can lean on. You go get that degree, work on your projects and make moneyyyy. Your relationship with a woman shouldnít be your main focus. Youíre in your mid-twenties. This is the time of your life to build up as a man.

    Third, you dateeeee other women. I respect that youíre saving yourself for marriage (itís so rare these days!), but it doesnít mean that you canít talk and flirt with other women. Try it. Download dating apps. Youíll find out there are many attractive women in this world. Iíd suggest you join Christians dating apps. Youíll find out there are young attractive women who value the same things as you.

    Your ex left you because she lost attraction. In my opinion, itís pretty Ďeasyí for you to reverse this situation... Sheís basically subconsciously asking you to not need her anymore... So that she can need you. Itís a subconscious and biological thing. If she ever wants children, she wants to choose a partner who can provide and who can provide her safety, security. Sheís the one who would NEED you if she ever marries you and gets pregnant. How can she trust you if you put yourself in a weak position depending on her? And Iím not giving you all these tips for your ex, but for any woman you choose to date and eventually marry (so it means your ex or any other woman). Confidence is everything.

    Remember that silence is powerful. As a woman, I can tell you that a man who goes silent after showing interest is instantly more attractive. Woman wonder more about guys being silent than guys being needy and chasing them. I think itís just human nature... In my opinion, if you go silent, thereís a good probability that sheíll start getting curious and wondering where youíve been and why you arenít chasing anymore. Thereís also a good probability that she reaches out. BUT donít fall for it and breadcrumbs. If you run back to her, sheíll back away and confirm that you havenít changed. If (when) she reaches out, stay distant and indifferent. Donít talk about feelings and donít be needy. She has to be the one bringing the subject of getting back together. Thatís why it would be great if you talk to other women: you wonít only be focused on her.

    I know you want her back right now and I believe that she might come back around if you just leave her alone. But let met tell you something: you deserve better. I know itís clichť to tell that to someone, but let me explain you why. Her reason for dumping you is immature. If this girl truly loved you and was mature, she would have communicated with you and work on the relationship with you. I was with a man who was sometimes needy and clingy because of his insecurities. But I saw more in him and never left him because I was able to see the big picture and I loved him just as he was: the good and the bad. Unfortunately, his insecurities got the best of him, he got scared and left. I wouldnít have given up on him. I never once thought of leaving him because of the reasons your ex gave you. I was in it for the long haul (marriage). Him being Ďneedyí and Ďclingyí at times of insecurities arenít good reasons to ever leave him in my opinion. Actually, itís the opposite: people should be there even more for their partner when they go through hard times and get insecure. Hell weíre going through a PANDEMIC. Itís scary. Of course weíre getting insecure! So please also be compassionate towards yourself while youíre working on yourself. You donít need her. Trust me.

    Anyways, all that to tell you that yes, itís over *right now*, but as a woman, I do think sheíll come back around if you leave her alone. But I also do believe you will find better than someone who gives up on you in scary uncertain times like these where everyone is insecure...

    You can do it. Take care!

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  6. #15
    Gold Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    Don't give up on it if your heart is not ready to give up on it. Who knows what can happen in the future? But don't make it the priority in your life. Every time something happens, you try to make it work better and put your focus on it. That has only pushed her away. So put the focus on yourself. If she thinks you will only be clingy, prove to her that you won't. You've taken steps to improve your situation, so keep it up. If you can still be friends, can emotionally handle it, then stay friends. Prove her wrong and show you can balance a friendship and working on yourself without becoming desperate for her attention. Anytime someone tells me that I can't do something, I use that as motivation to prove I can. Once you get your life in order, there's a good chance she'll see you for who you are and something may rekindle. And if it doesn't, it won't matter because you will be better off in your life and be on your way to better things. Don't make it about her, make this about bettering yourself and being the person you want to be.

  7. #16

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    Am I screwed

    Iím going to keep this short and sweet:

    Basically my girlfriend broke up with me 4 weeks ago. She asked for space. My dumb behind only gave her two weeks. She then blocked me on Instagram which led to me flipping out. She then blocked my number which led me to beg her to stop.

    I didnít give her space/acted very desperate and now I am blocked on everything.

    Is it time to give up? Or should I pray she comes back around. Is it too late to start that no contact rule? (Even though itís kinda being forced upon)

  8. #17
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    I think now is the time to respect her wishes. I donít think she will come back around and you shouldnít wait for it. I hate to say but you probably burned a bridge.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    She's already started No Contact. You need to respect her decision and leave her alone. She's made it pretty clear she doesn't want to talk to you.

    Let it go, focus on yourself, you sound young so do your school work or a part time job, distract yourself.

  10. #19
    Gold Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    Neither. Don't give up if that's not what you are feeling. If your heart isn't ready to let go completely, you probably won't be able to anyway. It takes time to reach that point and you should allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions that come with a breakup. Even if it hurts in the short term, you will be better off in the long term because you'll have learned that you can feel all those things and still survive.

    On the other hand, don't pray she'll come back to you. Yes, you'll have your moments where you will think this and it may even help get you through the day. But the focus shouldn't be on her. It needs to be on you. Like I said in the your other post, put the focus on yourself. You need to first be happy and comfortable with yourself. You need to be the person you want to be. You need to find and be your true authentic self. Only when we fully love ourselves and are comfortable just being us, no one else needed, can we really be able to give ourselves to someone else.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    This is a tough way of learning about our own needed self control.
    Sounds like you have ticked her off now.

    Yeah, stop begging etc.. looking so desperate and Respect her wishes.. to be left alone now.
    And you focus on yourself.

    Try to let it sink in, this may very well be it.

    So, now you need to work on accepting & healing. Is hard.. very hard at times.. been there :(
    But when things are done- they very often are.

    One day at a time. Take care of you now.. Yah, no contact and less you know the better in order to work on moving on.

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