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Thread: I feel my life has no more meaning

  1. #1

    I feel my life has no more meaning

    I am a 30 year old woman and I messed up everything in my life. I was in a 10 year relationship that ended nowhere. He was too lazy and not a reliable man , no job , no intention to become a responsible person, yet i never ended it sooner because i was too emotionally attached and waiting for him to change. So i finally ended it in 10 years cos there were no sings of change (yes it was my call). 2 years later and now he has a job , he changed and become all the things i needed him to be earlier and ofcourse he is with someone else while i am a train wreck. I feel devastated , he never tried for me even if i stayed with him so long trying to make him change. I still havent dated anyone else. I still have feelings for him and i hate myself for that. I also lost all my friends during these years . mostly cos i was depressed and had no intention to see anyone. Now all of them are married with their jobs and all the normal things an adult at our age must have , while i am jobless , single , with not a single friend and basically not a life. I dont even have money to seek for proffesional help. My relationship with my parents suck , i never felt they truly loved me , i never felt like growing inside a family. They always abused me mentally and psychically since i was a kid and even now they look at me like i am trash and blame me all day for becoming the nothingness i am , always comparing me with others that have their lives on a track , making me feel even worse about myself (like i dont know already all these things). I dont have anyone in my life and i feel too old to start over , i cant find a job , everyone around me are couples or married and busy with their lives and jobs , i feel embarassed to try and socialize with anyone anymore. And in the end who would ever date me now , i am already too old for most men and moreover most are already taken , and those who arent and are around my age will ofcourse prefer a younger girl to date. I live in a small town so there arent many opportunities anyway to meet someone. And i am always afraid to face people that will ask about my life and i will have to tell them that i dont have anything , not a relationship , not even a career job. Now i feel like I reached a dead end , everyone will be with their families while i will be all alone and life will just keep passing by , making me older and more and more miserable and resentful. I dont know anymore how to cope with all these things, it feels like there is no way to fix anything anymore.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Well, you did a good thing by getting out of that relationship. But you stopped there when you should have kept pressing forward.

    Take a page out of your ex boyfriend's book: put one foot in front of the other. Get a job. Change. Become all of the things you need to be. Find another relationship.

    If he can do it, you can do it. He isn't magic. It isn't impossible.

    Stop punishing yourself by dwelling on things that make you feel bad. It's poisonous to you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    It sounds like what your ex needed was to hit rock bottom, and when you dumped him, that is what he did. And from the bottom, the only way is up, and from what you have said, that is the path that he has taken.

    To me, you sound like you are at rock bottom now. And from there, there are only two ways to go... Stay where you are or find a way out. I doubt you want to stay where you are, because your post sounds like you are really really enjoying being down there, so the only way is out.

    As Jibralta says, you need to stop dwelling on things that make you feel bad. Your long held expectation that people must be a certain way, is keeping you down in that dirty pit of despair. And, unfortunately, you are the only one who can get you out. We, and other people, can give you a helping hand, but you are the one who has to do the heavy lifting. And as for being too old? You're 30, barely out of diapers with a long life ahead of you. You still have a lot of potential to get out there and make something of your life, but there is only one thing holding you back. You. This I'm not good enough, I'm too old, my parents hate me victimhood BS is not going to get you anywhere.

    So, it's time to stop comparing yourself to other people, expecting that everything will magically get better, and start to get out of that pit you seem to be enjoying. And take little steps, find something that you can take pleasure in and focus on that, slowly building more and more things. Look for a job, it doesn't matter what. Go work at McDonalds or something. But don't see it as being beneath you, as guess what, right now, it is a step up for you. Celebrate that and then look for the next step up.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Sounds like you need to seek a way to open up your horizons more. Living in a small town where everyone is marrying early, etc. may well leave you feeling the way you are. In reality, tons of single people in their 30's just starting up with their lives. Nothing is over or too late, not by a longshot.

    If there are no jobs where you are, look at bigger cities and apply and apply some more. Get yourself out of that cage you are sitting in and out of the rut.

    Instead of comparing yourself to other people and looking at what you don't have, focus on what you want to have and what you need to do to start heading in that direction. What can you do today that will get you closer to your personal goals? Make a plan and start hashing away at it, one foot in front of the other, just do it. If getting a job means you need to send out a couple thousand resumes all over the states, then roll up your sleeves and get on it. Sending out 50 of them today gets you closer to your goal of getting a job and a job gets you closer to a career eventually and.....you get the idea.

    Stop looking at what others have and start asking yourself what kind of a life do you want to build and get to building it one brick at a time.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I'm sorry things haven't panned out how you wish. The good thing is that you can always start over at any point in your life. You likely have at least fifty years left on the planet, so you can either wallow in excuses or you can make goals and take small steps that will lead to bigger steps, and one day you will reap the fruits of your labor.

    No dating prospects in your small town and no friends or family to stick around for? Choose a city you think will be fun to live in, and start applying for jobs there. Even if it's a starter job, think about a career you can be passionate about, and you can get that education even if it's part time while you work to achieve that goal. You can always create a new support group by doing volunteer work and/or go to Meetup.com events, and/or start a new hobby, take dance lessons, etc. The world is your oyster. You could also seek out therapy and until you can afford that, there are library books you can check out that might help you feel better about yourself. Because you don't want to date until you have a healthy self-esteem.

    Excuses will keep you in a depressing rut. There are always solutions to every problem. You can't control other people, if they leave you and don't come through for you. However, you have control of your own life. You're the driver, and if you're the only one who has your back, so be it. Strengthen your spine so you're up for the job. Take care.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    It's okay that you have not been involved again.. it takes time to recover from a long term relationship and you are still dealing with that experience.

    Don't hate yourself for still lost in feelings over him- you were emotionally invested .

    Seems like obviously, your past with you family you were damaged, due to your abuse :/. To not be able to get some professional help is not good. ( Have you tried reaching out to local mental health services- to see if there is something to help people out in your position?)

    We are never too old to start over again. It can be done. :)

    Afraid to socialize.. how about you join local singles group - on Fb. I have seen many. You can at least maybe see about joining a few for a coffee or something..?

    i am already too old for most men and moreover most are already taken , and those who arent and are around my age will ofcourse prefer a younger girl to date.
    - This is not true. There are many single men out there- who have also been thru break ups & divorces.
    Look into some dating sites... set up an acct.. and just ' do a tour'.. take your time.

    One way or another.. you need to 'try' to find a few friends..
    Meanwhile.. focus on you.. try to eat well.. boost your system.. get your sleep etc.

    Look online on ways to 'help cope' with mental health issue's,,, depression, anxiety etc. ( self help).

    No way to fix.. there is always a way :).

    You just feel so low & like you have failed.. this is what you need to fight.
    I am pretty sure you are just as good as the rest of us.. and yes, battling depression is hard sometimes- been there.

    One day at a time... work on you. You can succeed.. Life does not stop because one relationship failed.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    OP. This is quite appalling:

    "They (parents) always abused me mentally and psychically since i was a kid and even now they look at me like i am trash and blame me all day for becoming the nothingness i am , always comparing me with others that have their lives on a track , making me feel even worse about myself (like i dont know already all these things)"

    How can parents destroy their offspring in this manner. I am sorry OP.

    Your first move must be to get away from their toxicity, far away. Once you do that matters will improve and you can move forward and seek work, take up hobbies as advised by other posters

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Adjustment takes time but you will get there.....you need time to get yourself back because you spent way too much giving yourself to this relationship. It's called bouncing back...get busy with life and stop thinking about the past.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Are you still in touch with him? How do you know what he's up to? Where do you live if you aren't employed? Are you living with family?

    Try and get back up on your feet and find some employment, forget everything else for now. As soon as you're self-sufficient the less what others think/do will matter. Keep your chin up. It'll get better as soon as you start finding more independence.

  11. #10
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Are you still in touch with him? How do you know what he's up to? Where do you live if you aren't employed? Are you living with family?
    Yes. He never stopped having contact with me. No meet ups , we havent seen each other for 8 months , he doesnt live here anymore. I never contacted him first , but he kept a regular contact with me, always sending me something or calling me sometimes (every2-3 weeks). He had hidden that he has a new relationship , he pretended to be single actually until one day i asked him directly and i was even shocked that he said he has one cos there were no sings at all (he pretended like he had a boring life , work-home)

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